Secrets

This was bad, this was really, really bad. Jade was pissed off, oh she was more than pissed off she was furious. No matter how mad or upset I’ve made her she has never said fuck you. Granted she sent it in a text but the effect still hit me like a train. How in the hell was I going to make this right. I know what I said was way out of line and I was mentally kicking my own ass at the moment. I was jealous for no reason and now she hasn’t talked to me in two days. I feel like I’m losing my mind, she won’t reply to any of my texts, and acts like I’m not even there when around the guys. Hell she won’t even look at me. Oh I fucked up so bad. I’m miserable and it’s my own damn fault. I know I hadn’t given my best performance last night, my mind was on Jade the whole night and I couldn’t shake the look of disdain that she had given me from my mind.

We were about to go stage in about an hour and Jade was walking around with Jon making sure that everything was all set before we went on. She was already in her outfit and war paint, she was wearing a poofy black dress that was covered in eyeballs and her red shoes had to be at least four inches tall and she had teased her hair so it was extremely poofy. Jade looked extremely pretty and I would have loved to tell her that if only she would look at me. I was a little sad that she didn’t have the stitch across her mouth like she usually did. It was our secret way of showing we loved each other, but she was so mad at me right now that she couldn’t put it on. I was the only one in the dressing room since everyone else was done they were watching D.R.U.G.S. play on the side of the stage. I was always such a diva when it came to my war paint so I was still making sure it looked perfect. I was taking longer than usual because my mind kept drifting off to other places, I don’t know how I’m going to get through the show tonight.

I jumped when I felt arms wrap around my waist and face pressed against my back. I sighed deeply recognizing the touch and closed my eyes savoring the moment. We stayed like that for I don’t know how long before I heard Jade give a deep sigh.

“You are such an asshole, you do realize that right?”

“Yeah I know. I’m really sorry, I was being stupid.”

“You’re always stupid.” She mumbled into the back of my leather vest. I couldn’t help but smirk and chuckle to myself.

“I know.”

“I love you.” She whispered and I turned so I was facing her, I wrapped my arms around her waist and she just looked up at me with a wary smile. “I’m still mad at you.” She deadpanned “But
I missed you.”

“I am really sorry.”

“I know you are, but we’ll talk about that later. Right now I’m commanding you to have a good show. I don’t think the fans noticed but last night you sucked.”

“Way to be blunt about it.”

“Just speaking the truth.” She leaned up and pecked my lips quickly before pulling away from me.
“Come on and finish D.R.U.G.S. has already finished and sound check is almost over, you’re on in fifteen minutes.” She started walking away but I gently grabbed her wrist. She turned to look at me with a blank expression on her face. “Andy come on you have to get ready. We’ll talk about us later.” I slowly let go of her and she started to walk away again.

“I love you.” I said almost pleading. She froze with her hand on the doorknob and looked down at the floor.

“I know you do Andy.” She said not looking at me before she opened the door and walked out. I sighed deeply before finishing up.

-X-

The show had ended and we had spent about two hours after the show hanging out with the fans. I was exhausted but I felt good, it had been a good show. I had been looking for Jade after the show but I couldn’t find her. Apparently Jamie and Vanessa’s plane had been late in getting here. So Jon and Jade had left half way through the show to get them. Right now we were all waiting on the bus for them to come back. I was on the couch with the guys drinking a beer, I was engaged in the conversation but my mind was someplace else. I couldn’t stop thinking about Jade. I had made her so upset and I really wanted to beat myself up for it. I know she has extremely low self-esteem and I always try to boost it but I know what I said tore her apart. I think that I should give her some time away from me so she can cool off. I can’t force her to talk to me because I’ll only make it worse. When she actually wants to talk to me she will. Begging gets me nowhere with her.

Bored out of my mind and taking another swing of my beer I heard the bus door open and loud chatter and soon enough Jon climbed onto the bus followed by Jamie, Vanessa and Jade. “We’re here bitches!” Jamie yelled and Jake dropped his videogame controller and sprinted over to Jamie and pulled her into a bear hug lifting her up off the ground. Everyone just looked on with amusement while expressing how happy they were that Jamie and Vanessa were here. I looked over at Jade and noticed that she was the only one that wasn’t talking and she had a blank expression on her face.

She whispered something to Jon before walking towards the bunks. I noticed CC looking at her while she walked away, I raised an eyebrow curious as to what was going on there but before I could get up and walk after Jade, Vanessa had plopped down on the sofa next to me with two beers in her hands.

“Hey Andy long time no see.” She said flicking some of her fire truck red hair out of her face and passing me a beer.

“Yeah it has, how have you been Vanessa?” I was trying to make small talk but I didn’t really care.

“I’ve been good, I haven’t been up too much just working and hanging out with Jamie, just trying to enjoy life you know?”

“Yeah I get you.”

“So how have you been?” She asked moving closer and even though I should have moved back I didn’t. I couldn’t help but eye up Vanessa, she was gorgeous and it would be hard for any guy not to look at her. I felt guilty for looking at her the way I was but I couldn’t really help it. Vanessa must have noticed the way I was looking at her because she gave me a sly smile and placed her hand on top of my free one. I should have moved away I know I should have but I didn’t. What the hell is wrong with me?

“I-I’ve been good, been having a blast now that we are touring again. I could never get tired of touring.”

“Well now you have more company. It must get boring with only the rest of the guys as company and Ashley’s sister. No offence to Ashley but is his sister mute? Or does she have a mental disorder? Because she didn’t speak once during the whole ride back here and she seemed extremely shy.”

“No she’s not mute nor does she have a disorder she’s just extremely shy around new people, plus she’s been running around for us this whole tour so she’s constantly exhausted.” I said with a hint of venom in my voice. I didn’t like that Vanessa had insulted Jade in the slightest.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come out rude I just haven’t met someone so shy and quite before in my life.”

“No I’m sorry I didn’t mean to snap at you it’s just that I’m really close to Jade, I always feel protective over her.”

“Awe that’s sweet, you’re like her big brother.” I stopped myself from wincing at the statement, I always hated it when people said I was like her brother, it always felt like I was committing insect when they say that.

“All of us are like her big brothers, we always look out for her.”

“Well she is a very lucky girl to have all of you.”

“We’re all lucky to have her, she keeps us all grounded.” She just nodded and took another swing of her beer, I did the same and tried to ignore the feel of attraction I had towards Vanessa.

“Hey guys where did Jade go? My hyperactive bunny just vanished.” Jamie said from Jake’s lap as she searched the room.

“She went back to her bunk.” Jon stated. “She told me she was tired, so she decided to go to sleep.” Jon sat down in an empty chair and sighed. “I think I’m going to give her the next few days off she’s been exhausted lately.”

“Yeah I’ve noticed it too.” Jinxx said shaking his head. “She’s been going headfirst into work and nothing else for the past week, she barely takes breaks. I don’t even think she’s gotten a good amount of sleep since we started this tour at the beginning of the month.”

“I only started noticing the bags under her eyes.” Ashley said looking sad, he was probably blaming himself. “Tomorrow I’m going to ask her if she wants to go home. She can stay with Sammi until we get back. I hate seeing her like this.”

“We all do.” CC said and I swear he was glaring at me when he said that but his gaze turned back to Ashley just as fast.

“Awe well I hope she doesn’t go back, I haven’t seen her in so long, she’s one of the only people I know that can keep up with how hyper I am.” Jamie stated. “Plus she needs to hang around more girls. She’s always with you five, she needs quality girl time.” Jamie said before pecking Jake’s
cheek.

“Plus I haven’t really met her since she was silent the whole car ride. It be nice if I could become friends with her. It would suck if she goes home before I really get the chance to meet her.” Vanessa said smiling and I swear CC was glaring at her too. What the hell is wrong with him today?

“Well hopefully when Ash asks her tomorrow she’ll continue to stay on tour with us.” Jinxx said with a weak smile. He knew the chances of her going home were higher than her staying.

“It would suck if she leaves.” Jake said.

Yeah and I would feel like complete and total shit. I thought to myself. I knew it was my fault that Jade was the way she was right now and I didn’t know how to make it right. My relationship was on the rocks and I only had myself and my stupid mouth to blame. Plus I had to get rid of the obvious attraction I had for Vanessa. I didn’t want it, I love Jade and she is the only one I want. I know my attraction towards Vanessa is nothing but lust and I can fight that…I hope.

I noticed CC looking down at his phone before he typed something quickly and put his phone in his back pocket. He stood up and yawned obnoxiously before he started to speak. “Guys I’m tired I think I’m going to call it a night. I’ll see you all in the morning.” He walked over to Jamie and gave her big hug and then walked over to Vanessa and gave her a hug as well just not as strong. “It’s great to have you girls on tour.” He said before saying good bye again and walking towards the bunks.

I eyed him suspiciously while he walked away, he didn’t look tired at all and the way he looked at Jade made me uneasy. Jealously ran through my veins as I thought about what could possibly be going on between those two. I had noticed that those two have been extremely close during the past few days, and besides Ashley she talked to CC more than anyone else. Those two were always together and the way he he’s been glaring at me doesn’t help my suspicions. I should know that Jade would never sneak around my back, but because of how close she’s been to CC lately I can’t help but think it. And I have no right to think that way considering I’m sitting here having dirty thoughts about Vanessa while I’m causing Jade pain. I am nothing but an asshole and Jade deserves better. I just don’t know what I can do to make things right.

Notes