I had said before my first self harm attempt that if I was to die, id want Andy to feel some kind of pain. My love for him was clear and he'd said loved me too, but was it just the scare of almost losing me? Since the day I carved Andy's name into myself, a deep depression has taken over me. Wherever I go, whatever I see and whatever I do there's always something to remind me of Andy. That's when I turned my attention to Lee. He flirted with me on a daily basis, and occasionally id give him the odd fluttery eyelids or cheeky grin. But nothing ever seemed to take Andy off my mind. That's when more harming came into my life. The pain from the razor took away the pain from everything else for those couple of minutes until blood trickled down my limbs. It made sense that Andy didn't want me. I'm a wreck.

An idea popped into my head one day as I sat in my bunk in the tour bus. What if I went? Kellin, Andy, Ash and Lee were sat in the small bus lounge area, so I joined them. I looked at each one individually, trying to imagine their futures without me. Kellin would understand if I went and as soon as tour finished we'd see each other again. Andy, well he would probably never see me again. He'd easily find someone he could love properly and wouldn't have to feel my depression was his fault, even though it was. Ash probably wouldn't mind if I went. Were good friends but have never been particularly close. And Lee would just struggle to find someone else good looking enough to flirt with! I raised from my seat after thinking how they'd be without me and I was in fact going to leave. I went to the bunks and brought out the suitcases I had fetched everything in. I laid them on the floor space and began to pack everything of mine away. Kellin came to me and embraced me in a large hug.

"Why are you leaving?" He asks, upset.

"Because if Andy doesn't love me, I cannot stay. Imagine the pain I feel, Kellin. Knowing that any day now another girl will fall in love with him and they'll be perfectly happy together. I want that with him!" I shouted, letting a small amount of tears slide down my face.
Another person joins us, but i'm not sure who this is.

"Let me talk to her, I promise to be here with her the entire time." A voice says. This voice sounds upset too.

Kellins grip loosens from me, and another pair of tattooed arms wrap around my waist.

"Please don't go. I need you." Andy says.

"Why cant I just believe that? Andy, I love you. I have to show you something." I say.

I unwrap myself from his grasp and start to take off my clothes.

"Woah, I mean, Alex. What are you doing? Shouldn't we at least wait until we're dating?" Andy says.
I laugh, he thinks im going to sleep with him!

I continue to take off my clothes until i'm standing in my underwear, glancing at the scars and almost fresh cuts on my arms, wrists and thighs. I turn to face Andy, to find him already behind me holding my arms and wrists to his lips. He drops to the floor and leaves light kissed on my thighs.

"You're so beautiful." He whispers. "Never do this again." He adds

"I cant just stop it! You don't love me. I did this because i'm in love with you. I said you had to fight to get my love after what i've been through, so why aren't you?" I asked.
He couldn't answer. The only fight I needed to happen was the one between my demons and I. And I had to win this battle, not them. I place my clothes back on and continue to pack endless amounts of shoes, shirts and jeans.

"I'm leaving, Andy. Now..."

Notes

Hi, I'm the new co-author of this story, Georgia. I hope you liked the first chapter I've been able to write . I'm thankful that I can be a part of this story and share idea's with the other writer!
Enjoy<3