brother
chapter 27- dont play dumb
Andys P.O.V
I heard the bathroom door unlock, about time. I walked up and saw Georgiee walking off with Jinxx. I walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I quickly peed then as I was washing my hands I saw a box on the side, I opened it and saw it was full of blades. I quickly looked around the reast of the room and found a blade in the shower. I put it back in the box and then walked out. I saw Georgiee looking at the door, I walked over to her, she looked slightly scared. "What's this?" I asked calmly.
Georgiees P.O.V
"What's this?" He asked rather calmly, I decided to play it coll and dumb, best not to let on that their mine "I don't know. Looking at the box I'd say it as either ear-rings or a ring" I answered him. I saw an emotion I couldn't place flash across his face. "Don't play dumb about this. You know exactly whats in this box." He said calmly, really how is he not seething, he obviously knows but hes still calm. May aswell just give up now while I can. "Okay I know theres blades in the box now whats up?" I questioned and he looked taken aback "Why did you do it?" He questioned, I sighed. "Everything, the bullying mainly" I said quietly, he sat down next to me. "How, how could you be so caring about CC cutting then go and cut yourself?" He asked, this is what was getting me, the guilt of betraying everyone. I turned to him "You dont think that I dont think of that Andy? I feel guilty as hell now. I told CC not to then turned around and did it myself. I don't know why I did but I did and now I'm regretting it. I'm sorry okay, I shouldnt have but I did and I'm an idiot for doing it." I yelled at him, getting everyones attention on the bus. (A/N: I don't have a problem with people who self harm but this is what I think I would say in this situation) I saw CC was now awake and looking at me with concern. I turned away from everyone and curled into a ball crying my eyes out, I felt a hand on my shoulder and tryed to push it off but it wouldnt budge, I looked up at the owner of the hand, it was CC. He pulled me into a hug and I hugged him back tightly. I finished crying and stood up, everyone was till gathered around, including Ronnie. CC looked at me "Why?" He asked quietly, I looked at Andy begging him to explain and he did.
Once Andy finished I was pulled into hugs by everyone. I sat back down and turned to Andy "Get rid of them and I will explain anything else after" I said quietly, he nodded and ran out of the room.
We waited for a few minutes then he cme back out of breath "Sorry, putting them far away from here, running to get back quick, crazy fans chasing me" He gasped, poor Andy. I hot him a drink and he gratefully took it off me. I decided to explain "Guys first thing first, I'm sorry for doing it." I started and they all nodded "About the whole telling others not to then doing it myslef thing, I hate it when people around me suffer, I always want to help them out, it's just me. I can never get myself to completly stop though. I never think good things about my self because of my past and I think 'I'm already ugly anyway, why not add scars to it.' Then I self harm and I know I shouldn't but I can't help it." I decided that since I was telling them about my issues I would continue "I also have had problems with Bulimia and Anorexia, once again because of the bullying. I still dont eat in the mornings that much and get the urge to throw up what I eat, I haven't and being with you guys helped me with that. I decided since I'm telling you about me I may aswell tell you all of it" I explained, this was something I didn't tell anybody until now and it felt good to let people know, I suddenly felt myself being pulled into another hug "Don't think like that. your beautiful" I heard CC whisper into my ear.
I felt all eyes on me then heard someone else speak "Since we're talking about our issues I will tell you about mine." It was Jay, I looked up at him. "Well, when I was 8 my parents started abusing me. I would get a beating at least once a day. No one cared and I only had a few friends who were bothered but they never did anything at my request. When I was 11 I started to self harm. I was getting bullied and I was getting beaten at home, why not add harm from my self into the mix. I was about 13 when the bullying got worse and I started to hate myself more. I started not eating and cutting deeper and burnt myself on a few occasions. It felt good. I stopped cutting when I came on tour and I'm eating now aswell and not making myself throw it up. I also have anxiety and tried to commit suicide twice, both times music saved me." I jumped at him and hugged him tightly, knowing how close things came for him and how he might not be here now upset me.
We all stopped talking about our issues and went to do our own things. I felt a tug on my sleave. I saw Jake and he motioned me to follow him. We went to the back room and he started talking "When I heard you talking about your issues it reminded me of an old girlfriend, she had anorxia and died from it, I have never forgotten her but I pushed her anorexia to the back of my mind. No one knows this but after she died I started self harming again. I tried to commit suicide to be with her. Then I realised that she would want me to live, she would want me to help the fans like I tried to help her. After that I stopped self harming and started focusing more on the music. I know this sounds cheesy but the music I made helped me get through my problems just as much as it helps the fans." He said softly, I could hear the raw emotion in his voice and the tears in his eyes. "Have you ever though of telling the guys this?" I asked and he shook his head "No, they know it hit me hard but they might take it the wrong way. I dont want them hating me." He mumbled, I smiled. "Jake thats the same thing CC said when I told him to tell you guys earlier, they wont hate you." I said calmly, he smiled at me. I'll think about it then." He murmered and walked out.
I heard the bathroom door unlock, about time. I walked up and saw Georgiee walking off with Jinxx. I walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I quickly peed then as I was washing my hands I saw a box on the side, I opened it and saw it was full of blades. I quickly looked around the reast of the room and found a blade in the shower. I put it back in the box and then walked out. I saw Georgiee looking at the door, I walked over to her, she looked slightly scared. "What's this?" I asked calmly.
Georgiees P.O.V
"What's this?" He asked rather calmly, I decided to play it coll and dumb, best not to let on that their mine "I don't know. Looking at the box I'd say it as either ear-rings or a ring" I answered him. I saw an emotion I couldn't place flash across his face. "Don't play dumb about this. You know exactly whats in this box." He said calmly, really how is he not seething, he obviously knows but hes still calm. May aswell just give up now while I can. "Okay I know theres blades in the box now whats up?" I questioned and he looked taken aback "Why did you do it?" He questioned, I sighed. "Everything, the bullying mainly" I said quietly, he sat down next to me. "How, how could you be so caring about CC cutting then go and cut yourself?" He asked, this is what was getting me, the guilt of betraying everyone. I turned to him "You dont think that I dont think of that Andy? I feel guilty as hell now. I told CC not to then turned around and did it myself. I don't know why I did but I did and now I'm regretting it. I'm sorry okay, I shouldnt have but I did and I'm an idiot for doing it." I yelled at him, getting everyones attention on the bus. (A/N: I don't have a problem with people who self harm but this is what I think I would say in this situation) I saw CC was now awake and looking at me with concern. I turned away from everyone and curled into a ball crying my eyes out, I felt a hand on my shoulder and tryed to push it off but it wouldnt budge, I looked up at the owner of the hand, it was CC. He pulled me into a hug and I hugged him back tightly. I finished crying and stood up, everyone was till gathered around, including Ronnie. CC looked at me "Why?" He asked quietly, I looked at Andy begging him to explain and he did.
Once Andy finished I was pulled into hugs by everyone. I sat back down and turned to Andy "Get rid of them and I will explain anything else after" I said quietly, he nodded and ran out of the room.
We waited for a few minutes then he cme back out of breath "Sorry, putting them far away from here, running to get back quick, crazy fans chasing me" He gasped, poor Andy. I hot him a drink and he gratefully took it off me. I decided to explain "Guys first thing first, I'm sorry for doing it." I started and they all nodded "About the whole telling others not to then doing it myslef thing, I hate it when people around me suffer, I always want to help them out, it's just me. I can never get myself to completly stop though. I never think good things about my self because of my past and I think 'I'm already ugly anyway, why not add scars to it.' Then I self harm and I know I shouldn't but I can't help it." I decided that since I was telling them about my issues I would continue "I also have had problems with Bulimia and Anorexia, once again because of the bullying. I still dont eat in the mornings that much and get the urge to throw up what I eat, I haven't and being with you guys helped me with that. I decided since I'm telling you about me I may aswell tell you all of it" I explained, this was something I didn't tell anybody until now and it felt good to let people know, I suddenly felt myself being pulled into another hug "Don't think like that. your beautiful" I heard CC whisper into my ear.
I felt all eyes on me then heard someone else speak "Since we're talking about our issues I will tell you about mine." It was Jay, I looked up at him. "Well, when I was 8 my parents started abusing me. I would get a beating at least once a day. No one cared and I only had a few friends who were bothered but they never did anything at my request. When I was 11 I started to self harm. I was getting bullied and I was getting beaten at home, why not add harm from my self into the mix. I was about 13 when the bullying got worse and I started to hate myself more. I started not eating and cutting deeper and burnt myself on a few occasions. It felt good. I stopped cutting when I came on tour and I'm eating now aswell and not making myself throw it up. I also have anxiety and tried to commit suicide twice, both times music saved me." I jumped at him and hugged him tightly, knowing how close things came for him and how he might not be here now upset me.
We all stopped talking about our issues and went to do our own things. I felt a tug on my sleave. I saw Jake and he motioned me to follow him. We went to the back room and he started talking "When I heard you talking about your issues it reminded me of an old girlfriend, she had anorxia and died from it, I have never forgotten her but I pushed her anorexia to the back of my mind. No one knows this but after she died I started self harming again. I tried to commit suicide to be with her. Then I realised that she would want me to live, she would want me to help the fans like I tried to help her. After that I stopped self harming and started focusing more on the music. I know this sounds cheesy but the music I made helped me get through my problems just as much as it helps the fans." He said softly, I could hear the raw emotion in his voice and the tears in his eyes. "Have you ever though of telling the guys this?" I asked and he shook his head "No, they know it hit me hard but they might take it the wrong way. I dont want them hating me." He mumbled, I smiled. "Jake thats the same thing CC said when I told him to tell you guys earlier, they wont hate you." I said calmly, he smiled at me. I'll think about it then." He murmered and walked out.
9/27/14