brother
chapter 28- Depressing day. (Trigger)
Georgiee's P.O.V
Jake got up and walked out of the room. I heard him go to his bunk I sat thinking, I didnt't tell them everything. They dont know I nearly attempted to commit suicide.
~Flashback~
I sat in my room crying. I was sick of it all. The bullies, the constant feeling of no escape from it all. This is it. I'm going to end it all. I ran downstairs and grabbed a bottle of pills and a bottle of Whiskey. I ran back up and pulled out a blade. I ran the blade across my stomach and thighs, enjoying the sting. I opened the bottle of pills and poured them out, I started opening the bottle and took a swig, I brought the handfull of pills to my mouth but before they reached my mouth I started seeing family members who were dead, telling me that I could live, Family members and friends who are alive telling me they would help me. I dropped the pills and put the lid back on the whiskey and started cleaning myself up. The person that got to me most was a friend, he knew about my self harm and was trying to help, he told once that if someone he was helping commited he would aswell to join them and I couldnt, its enough killing myself but no one else needs to die.
~end flashback~
I faded out of my memory and felt water on my cheeks, I was crying at my memories. I heard the door open and looked up to see Jay, he pulled me into a hug when he saw I was crying and calmed me. "Wanna talk about it?" He asked slowly and I shook my head, I didnt want anyone to know. He nodded and kissed the top of my head. A minute or so later I calmed, he finally told me why he came in the room in the first place. "Jake wants to tell us all something, he sent me to get you. Lets go" He said softly, I nodded and grabbed his hand and walked to the front of the bus. All the guys and Sammiie were waiting for us, Jake pulled me over to him for support. "Guys you know when Tay died of Anorexia?" He asked slowly and they all nodded, not like they could forget. "Sammiie, Jay, Georgiee she was my girlfriend, she died from anorexia." He explained adding my name in so they didnt know I knew already, we all nodded waiting for him to carry on. "Well after she died I started self harming again, it got pretty bad, one day I just couldnt handle not being here without her so I was going to commit suicide, just before I did I saw her again, she told me to help the fans like I tried to help her, she told me I should continue living and that she would see me again but it wasnt my time. After that I started improving and turned to the music and fans. I got better after that. When georgiee spoke of her Anorexia earlier she bought up memories which I had supressed. When I spoke to her she managed to convince me to tell you guys. I'm sorry I didnt say sooner" He explained and had tears dripping down his face, I pulled him into a hug and he started crying into my shoulder and his hair hid his face. Once again this was hard since I'm smaller than he is. Everyone looked at me and noticed by eyes were still slightly red from crying. I smiled slightly and moved to sit Jake on a couch.
I heard someone stand up. I looked at Ash, he started talking. "I have a secret none of you know, I got engaged to Angela, she left me with a note saying that she couldnt handle it anymore, that she was leaving, the last sentance on the note was "I'm sorry baby but I cheated on you. I didnt feel worthy enought for you. Sorry I love you. Bye baby." After that I got really low. I felt like a failure and I started cutting again. It got to where I had to have stitches, after that I realised what I was doing, I turned to the music and my clothing line, If you look at the top of my legs which I know you avoid you can see multiple scars running over each other. I'm sorry I didnt tell you." He explained and started crying, I ran up and pulled him into a hug, he hugged me back and started crying even harder. Once he calmed down he sat on the couch and I was left standing there, I decided I would explain about how I nearly commited suicide. "Guys I'm up here so I may aswell say something, I left something out earlier, I nearly commited suicide, Jay when you found me earlier I was remembering that day." I spoke quietly but the bus was silent so they all heard. I explained and started crying. Once I finished I felt a pair of arms pull me into a hug, I realised it was Jay, I hugged him back and he whispered in my ear "Dont you ever think like that. You are so important to me and I never want to lose you." I smiled at his words and whispered back "Same goes to you then" I felt him nod then we pulled apart and looked around the room, everyone looked so sad.
"Well this has been a depressing day. Who wants to play truth or dare?" Ronnie spoke up from the other side of the room, I shook my head and he looked sad. "We could play I never instead" I suggested, some nodded and others looked confused, I decided to explain. "We al have a shot of something, it would normally be alchol but not right now, maybe next time. I can be an energy drink instead. We sit in a circle and go around the circle, we each make an I never statement, If you have done it you drink, if you havent you dont, simple." I explained and they still looked confused. "I could say I never took drugs, I would be pushing my drink away but Ronnie would be drinking. Make sense?" I asked and they all nodded, CC ran off the bus shouting something about "Getting a stash of monster back in a min" and Andy went to grab 9 shot glasses. He walked back in and we sat in a circle leaving a seat for CC. A few minutes later CC walked in with 5 plastic bags full of monster cans. He stashed them to one side and opened a can and poured everyone a shot. He looked hyper already, this should be fun.
Jake got up and walked out of the room. I heard him go to his bunk I sat thinking, I didnt't tell them everything. They dont know I nearly attempted to commit suicide.
~Flashback~
I sat in my room crying. I was sick of it all. The bullies, the constant feeling of no escape from it all. This is it. I'm going to end it all. I ran downstairs and grabbed a bottle of pills and a bottle of Whiskey. I ran back up and pulled out a blade. I ran the blade across my stomach and thighs, enjoying the sting. I opened the bottle of pills and poured them out, I started opening the bottle and took a swig, I brought the handfull of pills to my mouth but before they reached my mouth I started seeing family members who were dead, telling me that I could live, Family members and friends who are alive telling me they would help me. I dropped the pills and put the lid back on the whiskey and started cleaning myself up. The person that got to me most was a friend, he knew about my self harm and was trying to help, he told once that if someone he was helping commited he would aswell to join them and I couldnt, its enough killing myself but no one else needs to die.
~end flashback~
I faded out of my memory and felt water on my cheeks, I was crying at my memories. I heard the door open and looked up to see Jay, he pulled me into a hug when he saw I was crying and calmed me. "Wanna talk about it?" He asked slowly and I shook my head, I didnt want anyone to know. He nodded and kissed the top of my head. A minute or so later I calmed, he finally told me why he came in the room in the first place. "Jake wants to tell us all something, he sent me to get you. Lets go" He said softly, I nodded and grabbed his hand and walked to the front of the bus. All the guys and Sammiie were waiting for us, Jake pulled me over to him for support. "Guys you know when Tay died of Anorexia?" He asked slowly and they all nodded, not like they could forget. "Sammiie, Jay, Georgiee she was my girlfriend, she died from anorexia." He explained adding my name in so they didnt know I knew already, we all nodded waiting for him to carry on. "Well after she died I started self harming again, it got pretty bad, one day I just couldnt handle not being here without her so I was going to commit suicide, just before I did I saw her again, she told me to help the fans like I tried to help her, she told me I should continue living and that she would see me again but it wasnt my time. After that I started improving and turned to the music and fans. I got better after that. When georgiee spoke of her Anorexia earlier she bought up memories which I had supressed. When I spoke to her she managed to convince me to tell you guys. I'm sorry I didnt say sooner" He explained and had tears dripping down his face, I pulled him into a hug and he started crying into my shoulder and his hair hid his face. Once again this was hard since I'm smaller than he is. Everyone looked at me and noticed by eyes were still slightly red from crying. I smiled slightly and moved to sit Jake on a couch.
I heard someone stand up. I looked at Ash, he started talking. "I have a secret none of you know, I got engaged to Angela, she left me with a note saying that she couldnt handle it anymore, that she was leaving, the last sentance on the note was "I'm sorry baby but I cheated on you. I didnt feel worthy enought for you. Sorry I love you. Bye baby." After that I got really low. I felt like a failure and I started cutting again. It got to where I had to have stitches, after that I realised what I was doing, I turned to the music and my clothing line, If you look at the top of my legs which I know you avoid you can see multiple scars running over each other. I'm sorry I didnt tell you." He explained and started crying, I ran up and pulled him into a hug, he hugged me back and started crying even harder. Once he calmed down he sat on the couch and I was left standing there, I decided I would explain about how I nearly commited suicide. "Guys I'm up here so I may aswell say something, I left something out earlier, I nearly commited suicide, Jay when you found me earlier I was remembering that day." I spoke quietly but the bus was silent so they all heard. I explained and started crying. Once I finished I felt a pair of arms pull me into a hug, I realised it was Jay, I hugged him back and he whispered in my ear "Dont you ever think like that. You are so important to me and I never want to lose you." I smiled at his words and whispered back "Same goes to you then" I felt him nod then we pulled apart and looked around the room, everyone looked so sad.
"Well this has been a depressing day. Who wants to play truth or dare?" Ronnie spoke up from the other side of the room, I shook my head and he looked sad. "We could play I never instead" I suggested, some nodded and others looked confused, I decided to explain. "We al have a shot of something, it would normally be alchol but not right now, maybe next time. I can be an energy drink instead. We sit in a circle and go around the circle, we each make an I never statement, If you have done it you drink, if you havent you dont, simple." I explained and they still looked confused. "I could say I never took drugs, I would be pushing my drink away but Ronnie would be drinking. Make sense?" I asked and they all nodded, CC ran off the bus shouting something about "Getting a stash of monster back in a min" and Andy went to grab 9 shot glasses. He walked back in and we sat in a circle leaving a seat for CC. A few minutes later CC walked in with 5 plastic bags full of monster cans. He stashed them to one side and opened a can and poured everyone a shot. He looked hyper already, this should be fun.
9/27/14