Andy’s POV


Opening my eyes, I saw that I was in my room and Ash was lying in my bed. The clock read 8:57. It’s way to early to be awake. Reality began to set in. Juliet and me were over. Just the mere thought of that broke my heart and shattered it. I don’t know what’s worse that despite how she treated me, I still love her or that if she wanted to take me back, I would get back with her in a heart beat. Part of me knows that this, meaning life in general isn’t over but the other half can’t but help feel that way. It feels like she was the spark in my fire and now its just gone. I gave so much of myself to her that knows; I don’t know what to do. Getting out of bed, I stretched and grabbed some clean clothes and went to take a shower. Looking in the mirror, I didn’t recognize myself. My eyes were red from crying so much and puffy, I had circles under my eyes from the lack of sleep and I pretty much just looked like shit, cow shit to be exact.

Undressing myself and getting in the shower, my hand brushed against the scars on my leg. My eyes caught the faded lines and also the tattoo on my hand. In that moment, I knew what I wanted to do, what I had to do, what I needed to do. Everything got dazed and I lost track of time. When things finally began to become clearer, I saw what I had done. There was blood all down my leg, and many cuts. Looking at the mess I created, the fastest way to get rid of it would be washing It down the drain; and that’s what I did. When the water hit my leg, it burned. It took everything I had to not scream in agony. After I was done, I got out of the shower and wrapped my leg in some gauze that was under the sink and them got dressed. I practiced walking in the bathroom that way when I walk later on, I wont limp. Unlike Ash, I’m not going to get caught.

When I felt like I was confident in walking, I left the bathroom and went back to check on Ash. He wasn’t in my room and voices could be heard from downstairs. Going down stairs, I saw him and CC in the kitchen trying to cook something. Putting on a smile I said, “What are the two trouble makers up to now? Should I be worried? Do I need to get a lawyer on speed dial?” they both laughed and said, “nah your good. We haven’t done anything, yet.” I smiled and shook my head and took a seat at the table. “Do you want some of this?” Ash asked as he pointed to the waffles he was making. I nodded and CC handed me a plate with food on it. There wasn’t too much but there wasn’t a little amount of food either. Lets just say that if they were onto me for being ‘to skinny’ this was their way of fattening me up. In all honesty, Ash was still way skinnier than me so they all shouldn’t be worried about me.

I ate all that I could and made it look like I didn’t waste a lot but reality; I only ate half my plate. When I finished, I went to go do my schoolwork to get it done before going to work on some music. English was rather easy and so was science and history. Math was another story. I’m good at it but some of it is so beyond me I don’t know how to do it. I worked on it as much as I could before giving up and deciding to work on it later. Texting Oli I asked him, “what’s up bro? What r u doing now?” he replied, “nothing much. U?” I sent him back, “bored as fuck. Wanna hang out?” “Sure. I heard about the thing. I’m sorry man. That sucks. Let’s get so shit faced we cant remember our own names.” “Sounds good. When do you wanna meet up?” I sent him back. He replied, “well its 12 now and its 5 o’clock somewhere. How about my place in LA in an hour?”


“Aright, sounds good. See you then.” Putting my phone on my bed, I read threw my notebook again. Grabbing a pencil, I drew a few random sketches and wrote down some random song lyrics that popped into my head. 20 minutes before I was supposed to be at Olli’s I went down stairs and told Ash I was gonna go hang out with Oli. “I’m going to go hang out with Oli. Might be gone until late tonight maybe tomorrow. I don’t know, it depends on what we do. I’ll let you know if I stay the night.” He nodded and said, “don’t do anything stupid.” I nodded and grabbed my car keys from the wallet bowl and headed out. On my way there, I stopped at a liquor store and bought three bottles of tequila, a bottle of vodka and a two bottles of whiskey.


Oli opened up his door when he saw me parking and yelled, “Oi! I told you 1 and its 1:30!” I yelled back, “I got some stuff that’s why!” once he heard that he was by the car and ready to see what I got in seconds. Opening the trunk I handed him a few bottles and carried the rest up to his apartment or what he calls his ‘flat’.Getting inside we talked about random crap while sipping on some beer to ‘warm up’. Once we were buzzed, we started to drink the vodka and whiskey before turning to the tequila. By the time we got to it, we were shit faced. The thing about me is that I don’t drink often so I’m a little bit of a light weight and Oli isn’t so I probably admitted 100 billion things to him that I wont remember tonight let alone tomorrow. We drank a little bit of water to sober enough up to that we were wasted and wouldn’t be so hung over later. We sobered up enough to a buzz and then talked a little bit more. Checking the time it was 8:50. I called Ash after rehearsing what I would say to him. “Hey Ash. I’m still at Oli’s place. I don’t think I’m going to come home tonight. We cracked open a few beers after working on some music and stuff and I don’t want to drive home. I’m going to stay here for the night. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.’ He said thanks for the heads up and see me tomorrow.

Oli handed me more tequila and we drank more and more just like a fish. By midnight I was puking my guts up. I sobered up a lot after that. I puked for like an hour straight or at least that’s what it felt like. Oli was near by handing me water and anything to get the taste of puke out of my mouth. By the time I finished, I was sweating and paler than any shade I’ve been before. Helping me to my feet, Oli asked, “do ya’ want to take a shower?” I said, “If you don’t mind.” he said, “honestly if I were you, I would. I’ll get ya some clean clothes.” I thanked him and took a quick shower before changing. I felt a lot better. I was pale but not as bad. Walking into the living room, I saw that Oli was smoking. Sitting on the couch he said, “I know you wouldn’t normally do this but I think in times like this, what the fuck, try it.” I shrugged and he said, “It’s just like cigarettes pretty much, but better.” he handed me the blunt and I took a several hits. We passed it back and forth and got higher than a kite. It felt amazing. I liked it. I felt invincible. Oli said, “Alright I think that’s enough for now.”

We sat on his couch in the haze of the smoke for hours and giggled about the things we thought we saw. I cracked the fuck up when I saw a squirrel run into a wall. Oli was just laughing at me the entire time. At some point, we eventually passed out.



Oli’s POV



Ater hearing what Juliet had really done and that she was the one behind the break up not the both of them, my heart broke. Andy didn’t deserve to get his heart broken. He’s a good guy and she’s just a bitch. That’s why when he came over today; I offered we get shit faced until we forget our names. Hours later, we were drunker than a skunk and talking about life and whatever came up. He started talking about how when he first found out about their supposed mutual break up, he flipped a shit and trashed his room at Ashley’s house and later on cried himself to sleep on Andy Dawn’s shoulder. My heart broke. No one deserves to feel that heart broken. Andy is wasted and I’m just merely buzzed but I’ve also been not drinking half as much as him. In the beginning I was but then I slowed down. When your heart broken, you’re not okay and one of us has to be sober enough to call for help if one of us hurts ourselves.

Just listening to him say what he wanted to do to himself was heart breaking. Hearing that one of your friends felt so bad that he seriously thought about ending his own life was heart breaking. He was falling apart at the seems and I don’t know when he would be okay again but I promised for the sake of the band and his fans, he would be okay at some point. With the help of his band mates and all of his other friends and me, we would help him through this dark time.He sobered up at some point before getting shit faced again and then spent almost an hour throwing up. He literally was now just dry heaving and then maybe puking up vile or something. His skin was paler than a white sheet and his eyes stood out more and so did the dark circles under his eyes. It looked like sleep was not his friend.

And if you knew him well, you would know that he’s skinner than you’d remember. If his legs weren’t tiny before, they were now. This break up happened yesterday but it looks like it was already taking its toll on him for months. If this was just the beginning of the fall out, how bad would the shit storm get before it finally gets better? Once he was done, I told him to take a shower and got him some clothes. I got him the smallest clothes I had that were small on me. When he put them on, they were big on him but not by a lot or a little bit but by an amount that wasn’t normal. While he was in the shower, I lit up a joint to relax a little bit. Andy got out of the shower and saw that I was sitting there with the blunt and I offered it to him. He did what I thought he would never in a million years do: take a hit. We passed it back and forth for a while and went into his own world for a bit and than began laughing. I laughed at him because honestly, who wouldn’t laugh at their friend laughing and saying, “Did you see that fucking squirrel run into the wall? It fucking ran into a wall. What a dumbfuck!” we both than passed out shortly after that.



Ash’s POV


When I woke up this morning, Andy was already out of bed. I heard the shower on, so I went down stairs to start breakfast. CC had already rounded up the munchkins and was pouring Jinxx a bowl of cereal and getting food out for Eve. CC is so much more than my partner in crime; he’s my best friend. If I wasn’t super close to Andy, I was super close to CC. He had that personality that was fun and it reminded me a little bit of Mckendrie. Everyday I wonder what would have happened if she hadn’t had died or that if we would have been together longer, what would have our children turned out like. CC is super great with kids too. He is playful but also very understanding and not everyone sees that. Everyday I remember that I’m grateful to have my kids and my best friends to help me out.


Once all the little ones were fed, CC and I began to make breakfast. Andy Dawn wandered down shortly after the first plate had been made. She ate most of it and that made me so proud. In the few months since the accident, she’s come so far. Hell, I’ve come so far. I’ve beaten cancer and I’ve been able to beat the odds. Andy dawn showed me the response from the interview. People were really shocked to hear about what I went through and how I have overcame the odds. And I’m not going to lie, that cookie I had felt so good for my back. I know that for a fact, that if I hadn’t had ate that cookie that night, I would have been in so much pain so waking up with a headache was a lot better than several hours of no sleep and muscle spasms. And I’m not going to lie, I’ve thought about getting a medical marijuana card.

Andy came down shortly after Andy Dawn went back upstairs. He talked a little bit and smiled at us trying to cook and asked if he needed to call a lawyer for us. so CC and me go on adventures and we try to stay on the legal sides of things but sometimes that’s no fun. Like this one time we ran down the streets of downtown LA screaming the lyrics to our own songs and got very odd looks and even the cops called on us which resorted in us running to our car and hiding in it while the person who called complained about us to the cops. That was fun! My attention was on CC but I couldn’t help but notice how little Andy actually ate. I knew the game he was onto and I needed to be three steps ahead. I didn’t really say much to CC but I did ask him quietly, “is it just me or is he getting skinnier?” he nodded and said, “I noticed it a little bit on tour. I’m not going to say anything but if he does get skinner, we’re going to do something. we cant let things get the way they did for you.” Andy came down a minute later after CC said that. he probably didn’t say here it but he could have, although CC was really quiet about it for once.

He didn’t even notice how close CC and me were standing. It probably resembled me and him about to do something in those really awful candley stories. I’m not saying all of them are awful, its just most of them don’t portray us true to who we are. Then again its fanfcition, but still. You’d think after them watching the Bryan starz interview where Andy and CC read 50 shades of gray, they would get that CC is completely not into guys. He has moments where he acts like he could go either way but he isn’t. Andy on the other hand is another story. I question him sometimes but I never say anything, I mean it wouldn’t change a thing for me. He’s my son that I’ve adopted into my family and if being bi or gay makes him happy, then so be it. I don’t give a damn. What is also interesting is that I think Andy Dawn might be Bi but I don’t think she realizes it yet. Sometimes, you can just tell with people. Like I said, I wouldn’t care, as long as she isn’t having sex or doing drugs.

Telling us that he was going to Oli’s house in a bit, he ran back up stairs. I turned to CC and said, “we’ll finish this conversation as soon as he leaves.” Cleaning up the dishes, we waited until he left. Once he left, we sat down at the table and talked some more. Andy Dawn joined us and brought her computer to google things at points where we needed more answers than we had. We learned a few things, Juliet had been cheating on Andy, and She didn’t like his long hair so she made him cut it, and she already had her tattoos that were a tribute to him removed. This bitch doesn’t mess around. I debated whether or not to show CC the notebook but I decided to do it anyways. He could possibly help me if I needed it so the more insight I had, the better of I was and it was someone who Andy trusted. I read the newest entry before giving it over to CC. When he finished reading all he said was, “wow.”

I shook my head and then went and put it back. My back began to spasm on the way down the stairs and I cried out pain. My face met the stairs in an instant and I managed to carefully fall down the stairs. How I did it, I don’t know but I did. When I got to the bottom, CC was there and was checking me for any broken bones. Once he made sure nothing was broken, he helped me to the couch, which pretty much meant he carried me. Although CC is really really, tiny, he is quite strong. And it doesn’t help that I probably weigh 109 pounds. I haven’t checked in a long time because I knew that if I did, I would possibly relapse. “Have you made a doctor’s appointment yet?” CC asked as he put me down. “Yeah its for tomorrow. It was the earliest they had.” He nodded and said, “What you did at the show was really stupid Ash. Really stupid. The whole standing up and moving when you could barely lie on the floor without pain was stupid. Do you know how worried we all got the instant we saw you walking around the stage? We were terrified your back would decided to spasm and then you’d fall off stage or something and hurt your self and then your bass would land on you or some tripped out thing.” I smiled at his concern and said, “I didn’t think of that. in that moment, I thought about how much I wanted to rock my bass and show that even through all that I’ve gone through, I wont let it stop me.”


CC playfully poked me in the face and said, “Why do you always have to be inspirational. Everyone in this band is so inspirational! Hell even Andy Dawn was inspirational as her time as a band member. What the actual fuck?” I laughed and said, “it must be a rock n roll thing.” He smiled and rolled his eyes. He got quiet for a moment and asked, “what do you think would’ve happened if I didn’t take the spot for the band?” I was shocked. I didn’t think CC ever thought about that. I often wondered what would have happened if I wasn’t in the band. Maybe I’d be with Mckendrie or maybe I’d still be living in my car and doing what ever I could to pay for college.

“I think that if you weren’t in the band, we would have just died out and not done the set the world on fire album. You helped make that album. Your apart of this band too bro. And I’m glad we got you. Your one of my best friends and I don’t know what I’d do without you. Do you think about this often?” he sighed and said, “surpsingly, yeah. I try to act all happy for the sake of the band but sometimes it’s just hard. Every once in awhile I fall into one of my little moods that tend to last for days if not a week or more and it sucks. I can’t seem to get out of it. My head tells me that you guys are better off without me but my heart knows that’s not true. I hang in there best as I can but some days I just want to scream and be done with stuff. I want to go somewhere and just relax but it feels like I can’t do that often anymore. We keep going from tour to tour to tour and it’s starting to get to me.”

My heart broke. I didn’t know he felt this way. Everyone is just throwing curve balls at me today. He’s right about the tours though. We got back from this tour and we have a small break before we do the European tour and then we’re back just in time for warped tour and then we go on break and then straight into the bullet for my valentine tour and then into what ever is next, while we write and record the next album. I don’t blame him for wanting to relax. We all need to but we haven’t been able to. Which some how reminds me that I need to enroll Andy Dawn in school. I pulled CC into a long hug and said, “now how about Chuppy and me go on an adventure soon?” he smiled and said, “That sounds awesome!” once he was feeling better, we called Andy Dawn down stairs to talk about when she was going back to school.

We discussed a school that she was interested in and apparently a few other students were the kids of celebrities too. Billie-Joe Armstrong’s sons went there and so did Paris Jackson and a few other kids. Once we decided that was where she wanted to go, we called the office to set up an appointment for her to tour the campus. I also called Andy Dawn’s old school to get her transcripts ready as well as Andy’s credits list. He only needed 5 more credits to graduate and that calculated to his last 5 classes: history, science, math, English, and Music. He just needed to pass this semester and he’d graduate. I decided that in his best interest, it would be wise to continue the home schooling for another few weeks. So I got the list of assignments he would need to have turned in by the end of the month and asked Jinxx to drop the assignments he has finished off at the school later today. When everything that needed to be taken care of was done, it was late evening and Andy sent me a text saying he was going to spend the night.


Thankfully, my back hadn’t had a spasm since the incident on the stairs this morning. I got the munchkins ready for bed before hanging out with Andy Dawn for a while and then sent her to bed. Then it was just CC and I. We hung out and had Bro time for a while before we both went to bed. I had just gotten into the bathroom and done my business when another muscle spasm hit. The only thing I could do was ride it out. There was no way in hell I’d call for help and risk waking the kids up. 1) I didn’t want them to see me in pain and 2) I didn’t want to wake them up. I was on the floor for an unknown amount of time. The only thing known was that I was in immense pain and couldn’t move without it worsening. I felt my pocket and realized I had my phone. Doing a smart thing, I texted CC several times saying, “I need your help.’ “I’m on da floor of my bathroom. Had another muscle spasm. Can’t move.” “It hurts.” Once he finally got them and I guess woke up, he was by my side and helping me as much as he could. The more I moved, the worse it got. The only thing he could do was sit with me and hope it would pass soon.

It took what felt like 2 hours but was probably closer to an hour for the spasm to end. Once it was done, CC slowly but efficiently got me up and to my bed before I had another spasm. Once I was in bed, he got in the other side and we both fell asleep. I woke up around 5 am having another spasm. It only lasted 20 minutes this time and I was grateful that I didn’t have to wake CC up. I really wish I knew why it was acting up so much. Closing my eyes, I drifted back to a dreamless sleep.

Notes

well how about that for the next chapter. things just keep appearing. I like it though. I wrote it this way. its what's in my head and some of what I feel. we all fall down sometimes, some of us just fall harder.

thanks for those who reviewed. it made me very happy. to those who didn't; boo you whore. lol i'm kidding guys. I love you even though you don't review. it means your still reading this and that is what is important to me.

you all are important and I love you guys. if it weren't for all of you guys and the support I get from you guys, this story wouldn't be here. I mean it probably would be still in existence but I wouldn't care if it didn't get updated. so because you care, I care. haha andywho, rate, subscribe and review of course!

I am VERY excited to say that I have a new story under wraps and it will be VERY GOOD and one you will NOT want to MISS. just like this story. love you all! <3 Ash