Andy dawn’s POV


Five weeks passed from the day mom died. It was now three days before Halloween. The show I would be filling in as Andy was in 2 days and I was nervous. The past few weeks have been different. The girls at school were still bothering but they laid off of me when I started dressing a tiny bit like them, meaning I traded in my band shirts for blouses and my skinny jeans for leggings and my motorcycle boots for Uggs. Dad was okay with buying me the clothes as long as I wore them. He didn’t really question the change in clothes as much as he did in personality. I was a bit bitchier. Once Kellin was out of the hospital, he relaxed a bit but was still uptight. He was afraid to let any of us out of his sight. Going to school was pretty much my only escape from him because he got clingy. Andy moved in on the top floor and was around half the time. He spent Monday through Thursday with us and Friday through Sunday with Juliet the entire time.


Ella brought mom’s ashes from Oregon and we had a proper service for her, one she would have liked. Now her Ashes take home in a cabinet in the living room surrounded by her pictures. Ella was really nice but was hardly around and Sammi was busy with her work and Juliet was working in the studio most of the time so we hardly ever saw anyone female. CC, Jake, and Jinxx came over almost every other day if not everyday. The neighbors came over and brought us a cake, which was until the lady threw it at dad and called him a devil worshiper. CC was cracking up and threw cake at me when she left. Apparently, she was the lady from the hospital who said some things to dad while he was holding Kellin. The lady’s husband had to drag her away and kept apologizing for her actions. He came over a day later and turned out to be a cool guy according to CC.


We have yet to have a new house party but dad said that we’re going to do it after the next show. Andy has spent the last week giving me tips and teaching me stage presence. Apparently according to dad, I didn’t need the lessons because I was a natural but it was good to know what I had to do. The song we were going to do was King for a day by Pierce the Veil featuring Kellin Quinn. I was going to do Vic’s part and most of Kellin’s part before Andy walks on stage and I introduce him as the real Andy. We were currently practicing when I got a little dizzy. I have been eating but not a whole lot. Last time I looked in the mirror, I looked perfect. Andy called it a day and then we watched Indianna Jones. Andy was the only one who wanted popcorn. Dad said he didn’t want to spoil dinner. Really dad? I haven’t seen you eat dinner in a while. So who are you kidding? I’m surprised Andy didn’t catch on to you. He almost caught on to me but didn’t thankfully. Lately, whenever any of my uncles come over, they stay for dinner and then make sure dad eats with them and they don’t let him out of their site for two hours.

Ash’s pov


Kellin’s been out of the hospital for about three weeks now. I’ve barely put him down, let alone out of my sight. Andy Dawn has been acting strange lately. All of the sudden she asks me to buy her new clothes and they look nothing like what she usually wears. She traded her boots that were similar to mine, for Uggs. They were UGG-ly but I bought them to make her happy. Her music taste also changed. There was less metal and more rap and pop. I didn’t mind that she was figuring out other types of music but when she sang the lyrics and I realized how bad they were, she sang them louder. She is slowly becoming someone I don’t recognize. She’s been more rude and cold towards me. I take it but it hurt me deep inside. She mumbles cruel things about me under her breath. She makes me feel like I’m not doing enough or being a good enough father. Jinxx adores me and is always telling me I’m the best daddy ever but it doesn’t feel like it anymore.


When I look in the mirror, I don’t see my self anymore. My anxiety made it almost near impossible to eat. Every time I ate, I almost threw up. Jake is over almost every night forcing me to eat and then doesn’t let me out of his sight at all. I get that he cares but it’s making it worse. Whenever Andy is around during the week, I let them eat in the living room or where ever they want and I ‘eat’ in the kitchen. Which usually means I pretend to eat but never do. I had to sneakily buy new clothes that fit me better because the clothes I had now were big. The show Andy dawn goes on as Andy is in a few days. I’m excited! I’ll get to perform with her. Right now, her and Andy just finished practicing and are now watching a movie. Halloweens in a few days so the house is all decorated. The after party is Halloween/show. The guys and me invited several other bands. Jinxx is going to spend the night with Sammi doll along with Eve and Kellin because Sammi had to get up early for a job the next day and couldn’t come to the party.


The alcohol was all stocked up in the second room up stairs across the hall from Andy’s room behind a locked door. I found a daycare in the area recently and took Jinxx and Kellin to meet other kids their age and be around little ones to make friends while I have the day to myself for a time. CC showed me this beach that is about 45 minutes away and I’ve been going there at least once a week by myself to calm down and let all my anxiety out. It helps a lot and calms me down; especially with all the stress Andy Dawn has been giving me. She is being rude to everyone and even ruder to me. While I was out by myself one day, I met a fan that told me that our music and several other bands helped her through a very dark time. She has been clean from cutting for two years and was going great now. Once I heard that, I fought as hard as I could to not give into the blade. I still do it on occasion but it’s nowhere near as bad as it was almost a month and a half ago.Speaking of fans, we’ve written some new material and have been working on it but nothing has been set in stone. Andy has been busy with school which, so far he has been doing pretty good in. he says a few kids give him a bad time but he gets passed it and has some pretty decent grades.


Andy Dawn’s grades were very high at first but now their dropping. I see her do her homework but she still has a lower grade. I can’t figure it out either. Jinxx has been doing very well. Eve has yet to say her first words but its any day now and she learned to walk. I watched her take her first few steps and then recorded it on my phone. It was amazing. She mumbles words but has yet to say a full word or at least one anyone can understand. Kellin is healthy and that’s really good. I was terrified the sickness would affect him badly but so far nothing shows signs of being wrong with him.


Finishing up dinner, I called out dinner and was met by everyone. The front door opened and CC yelled out, “I’m here for dinner.” Well crap. I thought to myself. Now I have to eat and I really don’t want to. “In the kitchen.” I called back. Moments later we were met by him and he served him self and sat down across from me. I ate slowly and took less and went back for seconds to make it look like I ate a full plate.

“You do know Halloween is Sunday and I think you forgot about Halloween costumes.” CC said after much thought. Well crap I did forget. “Jinxx! What do you want to be for Halloween?” she ran into the room and told me a witch before running back to the living room. Eve can be a fairy and that leaves Kellin for his first Halloween and Andy dawn. Checking Google, I found a cute bat costume. It was all black and had a hat that had little eyes and bat ears stitched on it. I walked into the living room and asked Andy Dawn what she wanted to be and I was met with a rude answer.

She said, “Halloween is for little kids. I’m not a little kid so don’t ask me. Its just another lame holiday people made up to make money. Go away your bothering me.”

I walked to the kitchen and acted like what she said didn’t bother me. She keeps acting meaner and meaner, especially when no one else is around. Sitting back in the kitchen I asked CC what he was going to be and he replied it was a surprise and then said thanks for dinner and left. I was now alone in the kitchen with just my thoughts. My thoughts got heavier and heavier and it got harder to breathe. Walking up stairs quickly, I went to my room grabbed something and went to the bathroom and locked the door.


Opening a bottle of my medication, I took a pill and then pulled out a razor I had hidden. Pulling my pants down, I looked for a clean part of my skin and cut away at it. It bled and I felt better. Cleaning up the mess, I then wrapped my leg and then went to my room. Once I was in my room I laid down on the bed and sat there for a while. I heard Jinxx come up the stairs so I got up and went to her room.

“How’s it going, little lady?” I asked her with a western accent.

Her lip quivered and she ran to me and hugged my legs because that’s as tall as she was. I picked her up and set her on her bed and asked what was wrong. She cried softly and said after crying for a while, “sister was mean to me.”
“She told me I was stupid and wouldn’t ever get taller and that no one wants to be my friend because I’m a weirdo freak like daddy. And mommy left because of me.”

My heart broke and I was also pissed. How dare she say that? I helped her change into her hello kitty pajamas and tucked her into bed. Once she was as snug as a bug in a rug, I told her a story, sang her a song and then she was asleep. Once she was out, I walked down stairs and put Kellin to bed and then Eve. Soon it was Andy, Andy Dawn and me. I sat quietly for a while and then told her we need to talk. Andy got up to leave but I stopped him.

“I know what you said to Jinxx. Why would you ever say something like that?” I asked her, as I looked her in the eyes.

She smirked and said, “Because it’s the truth. She should learn it from a young age. Besides, it’s true. Every word of it.”’
‘
Shaking my head I replied calmly, “you will not say anything like that to your sister ever again, understand?”

She laughed and said, “what are you going to, PURDY? Ground me? Grow up and stop treating me like a fucking child.”

I sighed and replied as diplomatic as possible, “I will sell the camaro and then block all other numbers from your phone that aren’t mine, or your uncles. Got it? Oh and I think I’ll take back the clothes I just bought and you can have the smallest room in the house, WITHOUT a door. How about that? Seem fair since you are not a child according to you.”

She stood up dramatically and yelled out in French, “you’re a fucking bastard. That’s why you have no one. The guys are only still around because they feel bad for you. They don’t care. Never did and never will. No one can love such a man whore and selfish, fat, ugly little bitch like you. Leave me alone MRS. Purdy.” And stormed off to her room and slammer her door shut.


Kellin woke up crying and I was up the stairs and in his room trying to get him to go to sleep faster than you can ask CC what dog he likes. Holding him in my arms, I rocked him and walked around the room and sang to him softly and finally got him to sleep. Putting him in his crib, I turned around to see Andy standing behind me.

“You want to talk about it?” he asked. I shook my head and replied, “Lets just call it a night and go to bed. We have better things to worry about.” He gave me a small smile and then went up to his room. Going to my room, I felt like shit. Why is she acting like this? What did I do wrong?



The next two days were painfully awkward in the house. No one spoke or said anything.
Andy Dawn would only talk to Andy but ignored me completely. I think Andy told the guys about what happened because they always reassure me that I’m taking good care of the kids. The show is tonight. I’m excited but I hardly show it. Sleep has evaded me for the past few days and I look like death. No matter how much I try to look okay, I still look like shit. The newer clothes I got are big because of all the stress I’ve been under. I’ve practiced the set we’re doing tonight a billion and one times. Right now I’m getting ready for sound check. Thinking about what I’m wearing tonight, I definitely can’t go shirtless. My ribs stick out a lot and its really noticeable.

I’ve tried to eat but its just not working out. Getting out of bed, I put on the smallest pair of pants I own and then my boots. Looking through my shirts, I looked for a black band shirt and a black cotton shirt. For tonight I chose my black jeans, black tank top and then a leather vest. I put it on the bed and then finished getting dressed. I put on a little but of make up, just enough to hide the lack of sleep I had and that was about it. Going downstairs, I saw that Andy was up and the guys were here. Lovely way to start your morning, being forced to eat. Fucking great.


“Hey guys.” I said as nonchalant as I could. They said hi back while I got my self a cup of coffee. CC found a monster in the fridge and was in the process of opening it when Momma Jinxx stopped him and took it. I looked to see Andy making breakfast. Fuuuucccck. We all talked about the show later and then made the plan to wear war paint. Andy Dawn came down stairs and acted civil. If the guys didn’t know she was acting up, they never would’ve suspected. Jinxx came down shortly after while I was going to get Kellin and Eve. I changed their diapers and then took them downstairs to feed them. Eve was eating more baby food than milk, which was good. Once they were all taken care of, I sat down with the guys to eat.


I ate slow and finished everything I put on my plate as soon as I was sure it wouldn’t come up anytime soon. Putting my plate in the dishwasher, I disappeared to go brush my teeth. Of course Jake followed me and decided to talk to me about the show tonight and didn’t leave me alone until we were downstairs. Damn him for being persistent. We took the little ones To Sammi and Jinxx’s so we could then go to sound check.Jinxx talked her way into getting to see us play during sound check. Smart kid. Sound check went normal which meant we messed around and had fun before going out to eat. Again fuck my luck. I got something small and then shared it with Jinxx. The entire time, I felt Jake’s gaze on me as we all ate. It was seriously getting annoying. We took Jinxx back and then it was just the six of us. We hung out around the arena before all separating ways to go home and clean up. We then all met up at my house and then left for the show around 4:30. There was a meet and greet at 6 and the show started at 7:30.



When we were putting our war paint on once we were all dressed in our stage clothes, Andy asked Andy dawn if she wanted a mix of war paint. She said, “okay. I want one of Jinxx’s eyes and one of Jake’s eyes and then your stitches.” He nodded and then did it for her. CC patted my back and said, “your not alone on that. I got left out too.” I laughed at him and walked out. Laughing felt so foreign, so strange. I haven’t heard my self-laugh in a long time. I wandered around the arena for a short bit before returning to the dressing room.


CC was thinking (never a good sign sometimes, okay most of the time) and then said, “we forgot to eat dinner.” We all face palmed and then voted on what to eat. Again with this eating! We decided on subway and begged a stage crewmember to get it for us. They returned shortly and gave us the food. I ate most of it and then added in, “mine tasted weird, did anyone else’s taste weird?” they nodded no. Yay I set my self up! We fixed up any smudges to our war paint and then got ready for the meet and greet. I set my self up that I would get sick during the last five minutes of sound check and then make them let me go on for she show.


The first 40 minutes of the meet and greet went well. Everyone was really nice and shared stories. A girl who didn’t look much older than 16 saw us and then cried. CC asked her what was wrong and she said, “ My best friend was supposed to come with me to meet you guys. She promised me she would but things got so bad at school and home and then she died. She should be here but she’s not.” I stood up and gave her a big hug and said, “I’m sorry for your loss. Do you have a picture of her?” she nodded and handed us a picture.

The girl looked young. She smiled greatly and had her arm around the girl who was in front of us today. Andy saw something on her arm and then the lots of bracelets and said; “don’t do this to your self alright beautiful. You are a beautiful girl. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” He handed her a piece of paper and then told her, “This is my special Email. Email me when you feel like you need to talk. I promise to respond. I’ll be here.” what he did was really nice.

A few people totally out right ignored me and went straight to the other guys and pretended I wasn’t there. It stung a bit but I didn’t let it bug me. It was now time to put operation sick into gear. For the next few fans, I acted like I wasn’t feeling okay but said I was fine when questioned. The last fan to go through was at Andy who was the last person to see (I was the first). I got up and grabbed my stomach before running to the bathroom and locking the door. Quickly sticking my fingers down my throat I then threw up. I heard someone come into the bathroom and I continued to throw up and pretend to be sick. They knocked on the stall door and asked if I was okay. I groaned and replied, “yeah. I’ll be fine. Just give me like 5.”



When I stopped I flushed the toilet and then opened the stall and leaned against the stall wall. Jinxx stood there and then helped me up to wash my hands. I swayed a bit but was doing okay. My anxiety increased as I freaked out that he would figure me out. So then I really had become nauseous because Anxiety can do that. It felt like we were on a boat. He helped me back to the dressing room. As soon as I was in the room I face planted onto the couch. Someone pushed me onto my back and then felt my forehead.

“He’s all clammy and stuff. What do we do?” CC asked.

“Let me play.” I groaned out as I held my stomach and tried to control my breathing. The one and only one upside of anxiety is that it’s not always noticeable, like now. I was in the beginning of an attack, which had yet to peak and was looking completely normal besides being sick just now.

“You just threw up and you feel cold and I don’t know if it’s a good idea.” CC said. Jinxx sighed.

“I’ll stop if I get sick. There’s no one else to play and I don’t want to upset the fans. I mean they pay to see all of us and then they get 4 of us. Its not fair.” CC nodded in agreement.

“I don’t know guys. He’s pale and looks sick. We don’t want you to pass out on stage or get sick.” Jinxx said.

I sat up and said, “see look I’m fine.” And then grabbed my stomach when a wave of sickness hit me. Jinxx gave me a look of really now. And then shook his head.

Andy dawn spoke up and said, “I know his parts. I could play for him.” and then this plan was shot to a grave and buried. Andy looked around at the guys and they shrugged. “Please. I’ll be better by then. Please. I’ve been looking forward to this show for months please.”

They all sighed and remained quiet. Andy said, “how about we do the cover and IF your still okay then, you can do our set but if you get any feeling of being sick, let us know. I’ll play if I have too.” I nodded. Jake helped me fix my war paint and then forced me to drink some water and eat some crackers that miraculously showed up. I had a raging headache but I wont let it stop me. My anxiety attack peaked and then went away. I felt horrible afterwards but I wont let it stop me. I distracted my self my reading the tweets from the fans and replied to as many as I could. Because if I found any time or was alone for even a minute, I would try to cut.

“ YOUR ON IN 5 minutes, Black Veil.” Putting my bass on, I held it tightly and then put my in- ears in.“1 minute Black Veil.” Came out and then it was time to go on. CC went first. Then Jake and Jinx. I went and then Andy Dawn came on. “What’s up LA? Are you ready to rock? Our first song is a cover so are you ready? Lets rock!”

We all were rocking out and then Andy came on and pretended to be like, ‘hey what’s going on?’

LA introduced him and the crowd was like wait, what? When the song ended, I took a sip of water and Andy explained, “So I lost a bet to this little one a while ago. So she got to open with the guys and be me for a song. Well, Ash thought about having her dressing up like me and then pretending to actually be me. So did she do it well?” the crowd cheered and she said, “Thanks guys! I had fun! Now it times to jam with the real Andy! Have fun!” and then walked of stage. She gave me a dirty look and then was on stage right the rest of the show.


I felt better once I was in my element but I still felt shitty. Andy walked up to me and wrapped his arm around me. “This guy left in the last five minutes of the meet and greet to go be sick. Not even two hours later he’s standing up here trying to give you guys a good show. That takes a lot. So how about we give him a little loving and then we do the last song, how about that?” I smiled and said, “I’m alright now guys. Promise. So lets rock this last song!”

The crowd cheered and I felt amazing. I was up here doing what I loved and I was up here with my brothers (oh and son.) the show ended and we were on an adrenaline rush. My stomach hurt less and my headache was gone. Once we took a fast shower and cleaned up, we headed to my house for the party. It started at 10:30 and had not long to set up and change. Once we were all clean and Purdy smelling, Hehe I had too, we headed to my house. Jinxx and Jake unloaded the alcohol while CC, Andy and me grabbed the food we bought yesterday.


We turned the music on medium and then set everything up. When people started showing up, the party then began and it was crazy. I do however remember telling everyone to make sure Andy dawn didn’t get any alcohol.

Notes

I know what I said in the last chapter notes. I couldn't leave it like that. I'm to far invested. so I'm going to mind my OWN fucking business and carry on with this. thank you to all those who support me and let me know I'm not alone in this fight.

so how about Andy dawn being a bitch? so what I hinted to is that she became a clone of the queen bitches. meaning she's becoming heartless but all will be revealed in good time my beautiful followers. I fucking love each one of you. if anyone needs to talk, I'm here. always and forever.

i'm off to go have an anxiety attack from the last chapter and then not sleep all night. thank you very much. I try to be as diplomatic as this and the better man but i'm still human. I still am angry but I have to learn to live with it. I hope you guys know who I am what i'm doing is all on my own. I fight my own wars and fight alone. so don't hate me please. and if you do, its your life not mine. I really don't care.

so as in the words of the great Andy Dawn, get 'em.

0mg my friend says that when I get all upset and want to hit something lawlz. thank you for bearing with my crazy ass. i love you guys. i really do.

so stay strong. never give in and never back down. lets set this world on fire and show them the hell we can bring!