Andy’s Pov


I came down stairs to see LA sitting next to Ash. She tried to say something to him and he didn’t respond. Coming down the stairs, I told her to go to bed and that I could handle the situation after I got a towel and wet it and put it to his face. She nodded and said love you and ran up the stairs. Once she was gone and I heard her door softly shut I then began to panic slightly. Ash was in and out of it while he was driving so I asked him to pull over. As he was walking to the backs seat, he stumbled a bit and was out of it. I asked him if he was okay and he said, “yeah. Never bettttter.” He slurred a bit but I don’t think he was drinking because he didn’t smell of it. I drove all of us home safely. As I rubbed the towel on his face, he was still gone. He sat there starring off into space with a blank look on his face. I looked in his pockets and all I found was his phone and wallet. I texted the guys and begged them to search the apartment. Jinxx also said he was okay when they left him a few hours before he picked the little ones up. I asked him if he could check the apartment out and he then said he was on his way.


I managed to get Ash standing and then supported his weight up the stairs. His room wasn’t set up completely yet. Sitting him on the floor, I made his bed and then sat him down on it before looking for his pajama clothes. Taking his plaid shirt off, he was still unresponsive. I then took his boots of and put them away before trying to pull his skinny jeans off. If he were responsive, he would’ve made a dirty joke along the lines of, “trying to get in my pants Biersack? All you had to do was ask.” By now. Getting his jeans off was difficult but I did it. I then got his pajama pants on over his boxers. I was pulling the pants up when I saw blood on his leg. I gently pulled his boxers up to see gauze wrapped around the middle of his thigh. Oh shit. I covered it back up and then pulled his pajama pants up. Once he was clothed, I laid him down and then looked through his phone. There were no phone calls or messages or anything that wasn’t out of the usual. In fact, the band was the only people he’s talked to in a week.


This morning my suspicions were just the work of my over imaginative mind but now, now they were fact. When I saw him limp ever so slightly, this was why. How long has he been doing it? Why would he throw away being clean for as long as he was? My phone vibrated and I answered Jinxx’s phone call. I left the room and went to the garage, I sat in the car to make sure no one would hear me. “Hello Jinxx?” “Hey man. I found something and I’d thought I’d let you know.” he said bluntly. “Alright. What is it?” I asked curiously.“I found a bottle of anti depressants. It’s from a while back and I don’t think it was opened until recently. Like hours ago recently. I also checked the dumpster out side and found a few bloody rags.” He said with worry in his voice. “I know about the last part. He was completely unresponsive when I changed him out of his jeans and shirt. It was like he was a rag doll at my mercy.”I said carefully. “You don’t think he did, do you?” he asked.“I don’t think he did, I know he did. I saw the gauze on his leg Jinxx. It was bloody.” I told him. “Oh god. This is bad. Why do you think he relapsed after all this time?”He replied, “it could be anything Jinxx, anything. We wont know until we ask him.” I answered. He sighed and remained silent before saying, “the bottle had 100 pills. It has about 97 left. I think it was unopened until now.”


“So he took 3 pills at one time and now he’s like this. What do we do.”? I asked. “I don’t know. I say monitor him and make sure he’s okay. I texted Jake and he said he would stop by tonight if you needed help and stay with you.” he said after much thought. “Okay. What do we do about the kids? I don’t want them to see him like that. He was driving and I made him pull over so I could drive. LA saw him like that. I don’t want her to worry. I have to go to school tomorrow so Jake needs to be here with me as well as CC. Someone has to watch him while Jake takes us to school.” I replied. “Alright. Where are you sleeping tonight?” he asked. “Probably in the same room as Ash. I want to watch him. When the guys get here, tell them to text me. I don’t want to wake the kids up.” he hummed in response and I told him I had to go so I could check on Ash.


Going inside and up stairs, I checked on Ash. He was lying in bed where I left him. I quietly left the room and went to check on the little ones. LA’s light was still on. Sighing I knocked before going in. “hey little one.” she smiled softly and said hi. “He’s going to be okay.” I told her as I sat down next to her on the floor. “I’m worried though. I don’t want to lose him.” I pulled her close to me and held her and said, “He’s going to be okay. The guys are coming over to help me. I’m going to school tomorrow so CC is going to stay with us while Jake drops us off.” she nodded. I held her close and said, “we think he took some of his old medicine and it gave him a funny reaction. He will be fine once he sleeps it off.” “What did he take?” she asked. “Did Jake or Jinxx tell you that your dad had problems when he was younger?” she replied, “I don’t remember.” “Well your dad had depression and anxiety really bad. It was so bad he had to be medicated at times. Your dad self harmed. I’m not going to lie to you about that. He out of the entire band struggled the most. He has been clean for 7 years now. The band was just forming when he finally managed to get help. He knew that I self harmed and he eventually told me he also did.” I chose my words carefully as I told her. She cried softly as I held her even tighter.


“Earlier today, he found some of his old medicine. We think he took some. We don’t know why either. It could be for a number of reasons.” wiping her tears away she said, “is he going to be okay?” she asked. “I wont lie to you little Sis, I don’t know. I hope he will be and we’re going to do everything we can to make him better but I don’t know at the moment.” she cried harder and I felt her breathing quicken. I softly hummed part of Savior and then sang it to her. Ash taught me what to do because he used to have panic and anxiety attacks often a few years ago. It’s difficult to know that he was once so broken and then got better but still suffered for a while and now is on top of the world but now he’s falling from that. She calmed down and her breathing evened out. I sang to her until she was asleep in my arms. Once she was out, I picked her up and put her in the bed and tucked her in. kissing her forehead, I said, “sweet dreams little sister.”


I love her more than anything. From the moments in hot topic to tonight, she changed my life. She and her siblings brought in the love of family. I mean I love the guys as brothers but I never had younger siblings so when she claimed me as her big brother, I took the claim. I will be here for her through it all. She’s not just Ash’s kid anymore, she’s my sister and that means I have to take care of her. Walking out of her room, my phone vibrated and I walked down stairs to the guys. Opening the door I said to the guys, “hey. LA just fell asleep. Ash is upstairs in his room.” they nodded and followed me up stairs. CC waved his hand in front of Ash and he didn’t respond. Jake rubbed his head and whispered, “what ever he is in, I think it was accidental. Maybe the cutting was too?” I shook my head and whispered back, “ I think the pills were accidental, the cutting I don’t think it is. We need him to talk to us but he isn’t even in our world. He’s beyond gone. Its like he’s stoned.”


“We could put him in the shower and try to bring him out of it?” CC suggested. Jake shrugged. Putting an arm around him, CC had his left side and I had the right while Jake turned the shower on. Getting him there was difficult, getting him inside and having to support him was even more difficult but we managed. The water didn’t help him at all.He was even more delirious now. Before, he was quiet now he was mumbling things and saying actual words every so often. “….Mc….Ken….Drie….no….don’t…I…love…you…please… I’ll do anything….Marry Me…let..Me…make…you…mine..Forever…please…don’t…go…I…need…you…your…my world…you..go..i…go…please.”it was like he was reliving a memory or something. he started shivering from the cold water so we knew he had some sort of reaction, which is good. still not what we were hoping. Helping him out, we removed his shirt and dried his upper body and then took his pajama pants off. when there was still no reaction from him, CC shook his head. The room was tense and Jake returned with another pair of boxers for him and we had to take his off.



I put a cleanshirt on him and then started to pull his boxers down. I looked away as the fell to the floor. we moved him over and then put clean boxers on him. that was so fucking awkward. We were all afraid to see his dick. Once he was in dry clothes, we moved him back to his room as quietly as we could. All though he was saying a few occasional words, nothing showed he was with us mentally. CC was looking up ways to help Ash on google while Jake was trying the theory of slapping him. Smack. Smack. Smack. Smack. Nothing happened. Jake slapped Ash so hard that his head wiped to the left and the right when he slapped him. when that didn’t help, we started to lose hope. Jake called Jinxx while we tried to figure out what to do next. then it hit me, what if this is a form of an anxiety attack or something? sitting down next to him in bed, I pulled him close to be and sang Savior softly. Rocking him back and forth, I tried to be calming.


Something must have been working because he was more and more in reality and less dazed. Continuing on, I put a wet towel on his wrists and neck and also forehead. Still singing I held him close and held his hands. Back in the beginning of the band, Ash would have anxiety attacks. If he didn’t calm down, he would space out. stupid! We’re stupid! We were making this so much worse! It wasn’t a drug! It was his anxiety. Anyways, he told me about the ways I could help him if he ever needed it. he only ever trusted me with his secret of him having. I don’t think they realized he’s having an anxiety attack yet. “guys, I think I know what’s wrong.” They nodded and I continued on saying, “I think he is having an anxiety attack.” They nodded and then dimmed the lights in the room. soon, Ash was recovering a bit. he was a bit more aware, like he was able to tighten his grip on me. once he did that, I held him tighter and then he held me tighter. Still rocking back and forth I said, “you’re going to be okay. We’re here. we wont let you go. I’m here. just breathe for me okay. In. out. in. out. 1, 2. 3,4.” He nodded softly and then did his best.


Once he was finally with us I told him, “just sleep okay. Just close your eyes, we won’t leave you.” he nodded and then relaxed. Once he relaxed, he laid his head on my shoulder and then released me slightly. The guys released the breath they had been holding and Jake said, “all right. we now know what that was, all we need now is to know what triggered that.” CC nodded and then began to check twitter to see if any thing was said to him directly. He showed us a few tweets from people saying horrible things so he took Ash’s phone and blocked them and reported them. As he was putting the phone on the side table, he dropped it. the phone didn’t crack thank god but the case came off. picking the pieces up CC called out, “guys check this out.” and held up a razor blade. Thankfully, Ash was still asleep. “CC, don’t throw it away just yet. However, put a little note there were it was saying, ‘Ash, you don’t need this so we took it. we’re here for you, always and forever. CC, Jake, Jinxx, Andy.” He nodded and wrote it down and put the razor in his wallet. The guys decided to sleep on the couches down stairs and I remained her with Ash. I knew this wouldn’t help the rumors of us being gay but I don’t care. My best friend needed me so I’m going to help him. I was afraid to fall asleep. what if I woke up and he was gone? Then what? It was terrifying. Taking a deep breath, I calmed my self down enough and tried to fall asleep. the last things on my mind were the events of the day. once sleep finally took me, I was out for the night.



The next morning I woke up to several alarm clocks going off. silencing my alarm clock then Ash’s I looked to see him still sleeping. Good. however, his grip on me was still tight. I texted Jake a billion and one times to wake him up. once he was up he came up stairs and saw my dilemma. He laughed at me. flipping him off I told him to go wake CC and LA up. he left and did as I asked. every time I tried to loosen his grip, it got ten times tighter. The only way to get out of his grip would be to wake him up and I really didn’t want to do that. once I got my self-free, I replaced myself with a blanket and pillow. Raiding his wardrobe for clothes, I pulled out an A7xshirt and put it on. my jeans were still clean so I went to the bathroom and used his cologne. I knocked on LA’s door and she said she would be down soon.




LA’s POV


“back when I was young and had something more to prove, know that I’m older I’ve seen all the things I want and I’m ready to make my move. We’ll stare straight-faced don’t hesistate. See why would we want to make you bastards wait. Thank god I got the chance now I can say, so now we’ll say, we’ll say, we’re gonna do what we want! Remember when they said what we want can never be done? When it all comes falling down, we’ll do what we want too. said we’ll do what we want to!” woke me up from my dreamland. Oh the perks of having Sleeping With Sirens as your Alarm clock. Last night was something. seeing dad liked that terrified me. knowing that we both struggled with self-harm was shocking. He seemed so happy most of the time but it turns out he wasn’t.


Going to my wardrobe, I pulled out teal blue skinny jeans and a shirt that said Purdy Girl.Hehe how true is that! I decided on my Doc martins and then a black jacket. I woke Jinxx up first and helped her get dressed before going down stairs. finding the bowls, I poured my self a bowl of fruit loops and ate it contently. Andy sat across from me at the table eating god knows what. When he finished he took me to the garage and said, “we figured out what was wrong with Ash. He had a really, really bad anxiety attack. It took a lot of stuff to figure out what was wrong but I figured it out. he’s going to be okay.” He looked me in the eyes and nodded before pulling me into a tight hug. Hugging him back, I cried softly. He let me go and we went back inside. I ran up stairs and put my make up on and brushed my teeth. Looking in the mirror, I tried to be happy with what I saw. The things those girls said to me still rang in my ears, “fat emo cow!” “she needs to diet, she takes up the whole hallway!” I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. I couldn’t give them the victory. Closing my eyes I took a deep breath. Opening them, I took a glance at the time. it was 7:15.

Running back to my room, I went through my make up bag for a razor blade. Finding it I walked back to the bathroom and locked the door. Fat. Ugly. useless. Cow. Depressing. Fucked up. slut. Whore. Easy. Waste of space. Stupid. Freak. Unwanted. Reject. Emo scum. Lesbian. Rang in my ears almost as if they were in the bathroom next to me. taking my bracelets off, I put the knife to my wrist and pulled it across. Blood seeped out. the stinging felt so good. I felt free. When my high came down, I cleaned the blood up and flushed the bloody toilet paper down the toilet and wrapped my arm up before putting bracelets on and then my jacket. fixing my make up, I made sure I looked okay. Leaving the bathroom I headed down stairs and waited for someone to say we were leaving. Jinxx sat down next to me by the door and Andy soon joined us. it was 7:35. Jake came out of the kitchen with his jacket in one hand in his phone in another. He said, “alright, ready to go?” we all nodded. When we got to Jake’s car we climbed in and talked about anything but last night. Once we dropped Jinxx of at school and avoided answering her question of why daddy wasn’t dropping her off. we ended up telling her that daddy was sleeping because he didn’t feel good.

As we were getting out of the car I told Jake, “when he gets up text me. let me know he’s okay. At lunch, I’ll try to call you. okay? Bye Uncle Jake. Love you.” he nodded and said, “bye LA. Have a good day. love you.” I waved and then followed Andy into the building. Getting to main hall he said, “alright little sis, have a good day. I’ll see you at break. Dad’s going to be okay, I promise. Uncle CC is with him.” I nodded and hugged him before parting ways. Making my way to my locker, I stopped and grabbed a few extra pencils and then went to first period. All was well until I sat down in my seat. Amber was extra bitchy today. you could tell by the smell of her nasty expensive perfume and the pink tornado that hit her wardrobe. She must be on her period. Oh god. It’s going to be so awkward when I have to ask dad to go to the store. FML. Class dragged on because every other word that came out of Princess Bitch’s mouth was about me. first it wasmy hair, then my clothes, then my make up and then just everything about me.

It got annoying and it was irritating. I managed to ignore her by thinking of dad and Andy. Class finally ended and I didn’t have to put up with her anymore. second period was better but still bad. Sean kept calling me fat and ugly. his words hurt. They cut me deeper than any knife ever could. If he thought I was ugly then what are the chances anyone else could ever like me? when the class ended I was on the verge of crying. When the bell rang, I was ready for the day to end. Third period went the same. act break I avoided Andy by hiding in the Bathroom. Fourth period was awful, again the teacher hates me. I had an anxiety attack during 5th period. Thank god no one noticed. Lunchtime came and I found Andy. He gave me a giant hug and said, “Jake called. Dad’s doing much better this morning. He doesn’t remember last night though. The last thing he remembers is going back to the apartment to clean.” Nodding I said, “do you want to call him.” he nodded and we called him from a quieter area.


He said he was doing okay and then Jake said that he and dad would go pick Jinxx up and then us when school got out. we said our byes and then hung up. I avoided eating by telling Andy I ate before I found him, I found him twenty minutes into lunch. He would never know the difference. Lunch came and went and then it was time for music. Brandon, Andy and me walked to music and talked about the homework last night. Class was fun but it was still class. we got in trouble for talking. I held my head down and Andy pouted and told Brandon, “thank’s a lot man.” Once class ended we walked out and towards where the car should be. Hearing my name be called out, I turned to see the three queen bitches standing behind me. oh shit. This is not going to end well.

Notes

hey guys! hope you liked that! what did you think? anyways review!

stay strong, never give in and never back down. lets set this world on fire
<3 ash