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Ronnie Cant Swag

Still Ain't Got Swag

Ronnie rolled his arse out of bed one morning, a giant smile on his face. Today would be a perfect day to swag. It was bright and sunny, and the birds were chirping as if it were a gay Disney movie, prompting Mr. Radke to let out a loud "Shut the fuck up!" A bird fell out of the tree in shock, and the sun scuttled behind a cloud in fear.

"Ah, all better." Ronnie said, grinning like Nnoitra McSpoonsie-spada, walking into the bathroom, humming a little song. There was the flump noise of fabric dropping to the floor, before the humming was interrupted by "Hey there lil guy! Hope I didn't tire you out from last night!" Then a long hiss of someone taking the mother of all pisses.

Andy, who had crashed out in Ronnie's bed due to being too lazy to leave after the monster movie marathon they'd had the night before, grimaced in disgust at the thought of what Ronnie had done while they were sharing the same room, the same bed, before it turned into a huge grin. When Ronnie returned from his long assed piss, he spied the now awake bag of bones known as a Six that decided to take up residency in his bed, with only the fluffy top of it's head visible.

Planting his feet wide, Ronnie boomed, "Andy, nigga, Ima be swaggin' like G-dawg today, homie!" He said be way of greeting. With a sigh, Andy replied, "Good morning to you too, Ronnie, but you can't swag. It's just a fact of life. I'm sorry."

"Da fuq!"

"Any guy who curses out little birds and talks to his dick doesn't have swag, and he can't get any. And I'm fucking disturbed you jerked off while I was in the same room."

"Da fuq that gotta do wit nuthin? And why da fuq ya care? That shit be fuckin' normal nigga!"

"Hold on a minute, Ronnie, let me go get a 'Swag to English' translator." Andy said, crawling out of the bed and the room.

Ronnie shrugged, getting dressed in an oversized T shirt, low slung baggy shorts that showed his arse and junk that were hiding below tighty whities, and a backwards facing cap.

The same group of black guys from before decided to jump him... Again.

The reason they gave for jumping him this time? Horrible swagger, and an insult to the way they dressed.

"This damn white boy! Be talkin to his damn dick like it gone talk back! And who da fuck cusses at a little bird? It ain't do nobody nothin!" One of the larger guys who had jumped Ronnie said, all the while cuddling the little bird that had fallen out of the tree in shock.

The other guys exchanged uneasy looks. Certainly nobody who was standing there holding a bird and baby talking it could have swag. Right? But yet, here is one of the guys who claims to have extreme amounts of swag, sitting holding a little bird, talking to it and rocking it like a baby after he beat up the guy who offended it. Wow. What's the world of swag coming to?


Added "Get back in the silverware drawer!" to my vocab. And if this story continued only in vocab chapters I'd still be pretty happy. Thank you for this story

Also, the commenter before me gets mad swiggity swag points for giving me the term 'Oh my Jinxx'.

onefinalfightdoe onefinalfightdoe

Oh my Jinxx, please update, this is the funniest thing ever! I don't know how many times I laughed till I cried while reading this!


Why thank you :)
This is awesome.
Holy shit I dont think I have ever laughed this hard ever!!!
Pinja. Pinja.