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Ronnie Cant Swag

Ronnie Can't Rap

Ronnie was fucking high off his ass. Apparently smoking several joints one after the other wasn't a very smart idea. He stank of pot, and his brain was so out of it, that it took a rather long vacation. But there was a problem. Even stoned off his ass like he was, Ronnie was still trying to do his 'swag'. And he wanted to sing it, er, sorry, rap, to prove just how much swagger her had.

The perfect song jumped into his mind, as his pants jumped to around his ankles. He found a crappy camera, and set it up, with the bland, uninteresting, peeling wall as the background. It didn't even have an interesting poster or anything on it. Not even some profanity. So Ronnie decided to change this. Grabbing a sharpie, he wrote in huge bubble letters, the word 'NIGGA' on the wall, and decided to call it the perfect background.

Putting on a cap backwards, and yanking off his shirt, he started to sing the hopelessly earburning song. Several minutes later, he miraculously remembered his youtube password, and proceeded to upload the horrid thing. I have no idea how he managed to get that thing through the system. But then again, most people usually upload utter shit onto youtube and get away with it, and today, Ronnie Radke was no different.

In the 'ghetto' part of town, our SAME group of black guys were on youtube, watching live rapping performances to get some inspiration! Oh and the huge guy who had cuddled the baby bird from earlier was looking up cooking videos. We're not going into that about him right now.

So anywhore, they saw a new video get uploaded into the same category as the rap videos. Obviously, they wanted to see what it was, because they really didn't have any other pressing engagement. They shouldn't have watched it. Upon seeing the unruly thing, they were in shock. It was the video done by none other than Ronnie Radke, who was prancing around, shirtless, a joint in one hand, trying to rap. The only word in this song seemed to be 'Nigga'. Yes, my lovelies, Ronnie Radke was making a really shitty copy of the abomination known to mankind as 'The Nigga Song'. It's an actual brainmelting thing out there on the internet, investigate at your own risk.

"He think he '100% nigga'? One man yelled.

"He ain't even no 1%" Another replied.

"White boy here can't rap, e a fuckin wanna be nigga!"

"Bitch don't learn his motha fuggin lesson!"

"We gots ta teach him homies!"


The next day, Ronnie woke up smelling like weed, with the munchies, to a loud knocking. Groggily crawling out of bed, he opened the door to find the usual group of thugs standing out there, cracking their knuckles ominously.

"Da fuck it gone take to make yo stupid white ass see you ain't black?" The leader growled.

"AAAAAAAAH!" Ronnie yelled, slamming and locking the door. He ran out the back door, and into the backseat of a police squad car.

"Ronnie Radke, you're under arrest for drugs, posting a stupid video on youtube, and pretending to be black, and being an insult to the subculture." One cop said. He sounded kinda like...


"HI!" Chuppy yelled, turning around. He was wearing a Halloween police costume, as was Jake, next to him. Jake's car was covered in images printed off the internet, not even cut out of the papers, and affixed with duct tape.

"Where the fuck do you guys get Halloween costumes in July?"


Added "Get back in the silverware drawer!" to my vocab. And if this story continued only in vocab chapters I'd still be pretty happy. Thank you for this story

Also, the commenter before me gets mad swiggity swag points for giving me the term 'Oh my Jinxx'.

onefinalfightdoe onefinalfightdoe

Oh my Jinxx, please update, this is the funniest thing ever! I don't know how many times I laughed till I cried while reading this!


Why thank you :)
This is awesome.
Holy shit I dont think I have ever laughed this hard ever!!!
Pinja. Pinja.