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Ronnie Cant Swag

The N Word

"Ronnie, this can't end well." Andy said, regarding the other man over the top of his coffee cup. "Relax, there's nothing to it." He replied, putting his foot up on the table. Andy wanted to slap the shit out of him and scream, "I JUST FUCKING CLEANED THAT!" It was even worse because he was wearing shoes.

But the younger of the two restrained himself by an inch. "The people who say it are ones themselves, usually."

"So?" Ronnie asked, uncaring.

"If I walked up to Ashley and called him emo, he wouldn't give a flying fuck, cause I'm the same as him! But if some jock walked up and said the same thing, we'd be talking to him through a jail phone for the next 25 years at least!"

"And how does Ashley turning into a murderer relate to the word 'Nigga'?"

"It's almost the same!" Andy yelled, throwing his hands up in frustration.

"It's not! Don't you see all these random ass people, white dudes too, saggin they pants and callin each other 'nigga'?" Ronnie asked.

The younger man smacked his head on the table several times. There was obviously no winning this argument. "You ok?" Ronnie asked after several minutes, looking at the singer trying to beat himself into unconsciousness using his own table.

"This." WHACK "isn't." WHACK "going." WHACK "To." WHACK "End." WHACK "Well." WHACK

"Of course it isn't, since yer trying to whack yerself to death! What would your fans say if the headlines read "Andy Six commits suicide by whacking head on table?"

Andy managed to shoot Ronnie a withering glare while continuing to whack himself into the afterlife.

At the end of the day, Ronnie still went out yelling the word 'Nigga' in every sentence, and sagging his pants as low as pants could sag. Andy was left with a killer headache. Ashley came over with sympathy, aspirin, and an icepack.

2 weeks later, Andy got a call. Ashley, who was sitting next to him, watched his expression quickly change from a smile to worry and fear. When he hung up, his hands were shaking terribly. "What's wrong?"

"It's Ronnie. He's in the hospital. They said it's pretty bad." Andy whispered, eyes not fully focusing. He didn't want to accept the reality that he might lose one of his best friends.

"I'm driving." Ashley said.

They turned a 30 minute drive into a 10 minute drive, Andy clinging onto the sides of his seat for dear life. Screeching to a stop, they toppled out, running into the hospital. After nearly cursing out the nurse for taking too long, they made it to Ronnie's room. Upon seeing the sight inside, Andy stopped in his tracks, making Ashley slam into his back. A muffled "The fuck?" was heard.

A moment later, Ashley peeked below Andy's arm. "Holy shit."

Ronnie was laying in the bed, wrapped up nearly entirely in casts and bandages, looking very much like a mummy. Only his eyes and mouth were visible. "Hi guys." He wheezed.

"Ronnie?" Andy asked, blue eyes wide, taking an uncertain step forward. Ashley followed, clutching Andy's arm tightly. "What happened?"


Ronnie was walking down the street, when he saw Gerard Way on the other side. "Yo! Nigga!" he shouted, waving. Gerard, already used to Ronnie's swag, merely smiled and waved back. However, several gangsters had heard him. In a moment, they had him completely circled. The leader stepped forward and snearled, "Who tha fuck ya think ya be callin' a nigga, cuz I know it sure as fuck ain't me!"

"I wasn't-"

"Boy's, I think it's time we teach whitey here a lesson!"

Knuckles cracked ominously.

"Oh shit."


"I told you this wouldn't end well." Andy said, shaking his head, while Ashley could only laugh.


Added "Get back in the silverware drawer!" to my vocab. And if this story continued only in vocab chapters I'd still be pretty happy. Thank you for this story

Also, the commenter before me gets mad swiggity swag points for giving me the term 'Oh my Jinxx'.

onefinalfightdoe onefinalfightdoe

Oh my Jinxx, please update, this is the funniest thing ever! I don't know how many times I laughed till I cried while reading this!


Why thank you :)
This is awesome.
Holy shit I dont think I have ever laughed this hard ever!!!
Pinja. Pinja.