I could feel the warmth of sunlight on my body, with the orange glow casting over my eye lids. I was partially aware of the fact my body was moving up and down and a steady heart beat was steadily pounding like a timpani in my ear. A steady rubbing on my back soothed me, like a child in the arms of its mother.

My eyes cracked open, feeling the crust on the edges break.

"Welcome to the world of the living," he whispered, his voice was low and raspy.

I groaned in reply as he tightened his arms around me, one hand gently stroking my hair.

"How are you feeling?"

Shitty. I should be dead. I mean you should be dead. You should have killed yourself when you had the chance, then you could have been rid of me.

"I'm OK. I need some water," I mumbled.

"Mkay," he kissed my forehead. "Let me put you in bed and then I'll get you a drink." Andy shifted me so that I was laying in his arms. He had been holding me on him on our love seat couch. I was carried over to the bed and tucked in. "I'll be back in a moment."

You fucking wreck. He's ashamed of you. He pities you.

I sighed and pulled the blanket over my head.

You think a sheet will keep me away? I'm in your head, stupid. I'm not going away.

I wish you would, I thought back.

Remember the terms. I only go away if you do too. You know you can't handle me much longer. You'll cave. You always do, because you are so weak. Why fight me any longer?

"Here, Reya. I brought you a lemon-lime Gatorade," Andy said as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Thanks," I sat up and took a sip from the open bottle.

"I...I think we need to talk about this. Not right now...I mean in a few days or whenever you are ready. But we do need to talk about this, okay?" he made no eye contact.

See. He's leaving you, right there was the subtle cue. He's waiting till you feel a bit better because he feels so fucking sorry for you. You're gonna be alone forever.

"Okay," I whispered back.

He sympathetically picked up my hand in his, "I think until you are ready to talk about this, that we both need some time to think about what really happened yesterday." I felt like my lungs had deflated and fallen into an empty pit under my stomach. "I spoke with Siren and Ash. Siren is going to stay with you, and I'm going to stay with Ash."

This is where it starts. The distancing, the short talks, the fading away, and then what's left? You. Alone. Like always. Hes just like SETH. Use you and throw you away like dry, hard gum. A scum and neusence to society. That's all you are. The filthy, unwanted, used, shriveled up gum on the sidewalk.

"Reya, if you need anything I'm just a phone call away."

I glance up, his face was set, and eyes focused on my face. "Okay."

He got up and left the room. I lost track of time in my own swirling convulsive thoughts.

Why do you even bother anymore Reya? How many times do we have to keep doing this? He's no good. You aren't good enough for him. You never were. He's been playing with you all along. He doesn't want to deal with you now. He's going to get rid of you like the soap on his hands. Why can't you just listen to me and finally get it over with? All you are doing is suffering and wasting your time. You aren't going to be happy. You'll never recover. You're always going to be depressed, sad, and suicidal. Things will never get better so stop lying to yourself. You know what will happen. I bet you'll be left by Andy, settle for some cheap scumbag and get pregnant. Then you'll have a kid you hate and get your ass beaten. Then you'll finally be willing to listen because you'll be so goddamn miserable. Get it over with. Poison us. Bleed us out. Shoot us to dead. Stop torturing yourself. It's over. We are over. You are over.

A quiet knocking alerted me. Siren was sheepishly standing in the doorway. "Hey, Rey."

"Hey."

Your babysitter has arrived.

"I'm really tired Siren. I'm just gonna take a nap."

"Oh, okay," she said as she went across the room and sat in the chair across from the tv and flipped it on quiet.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I couldnt sleep for days. Just going through the motions. Wake, eat, go out and do whatever Siren wanted, lunch, tv, dinner, movie, sleep. But I never did. I couldn't. I'd toss and turn and roll, or reach across the bed, already knowing it was empty. It had been a week since I'd seen or spoken to Andy. I layed down my head and tried to sleep, actually feeling I was close. But that's when it happened.

I sat up in the dark room, rubbing my eyes. It was empty, and almost pitch black except for the moonlight and the normal glow of the southern city lights. Something just was calling me to the bathroom. Almost robotically I stood up and walked to the bathroom, staring at the scene of my demise. The mess was gone, but I knew exactly what had happened and where it all had been. Why was I even bothering anymore? I had nothing to live for.

It's true, you don't.

Maybe the voice is right, who am I kidding anymore.

Of course I'm right. You aren't kidding anyone, not even yourself.

What should I do?

Are you fucking serious? Kill us.

How?

Do I have to do everything for you? You know exactly where your razor is. You knew you weren't done with it for good. Go get it and get this over with, before you chicken out or someone comes to check on your stupid ass.

I did it. I found the bag with my razor and returned to the bathroom. I got out a black towel and placed it under my arm. I pulled the long sleeve shirt sleeve up to my elbow, staring at the scarred skin.

Just one more, Reya. That's all we need and this will all be over. Done.

Wait. Can I at least write a letter first?

If it makes you go through with this.

I returned to my room and found Andy's hidden lyric book in his side nightstand drawer. He didn't know I knew it was there. He would know the moment he saw the personal header that read "AB ~ The Prophet". I figured if this was the last piece of me people would know then I might as well make this nice. Found the beautiful, personal fountain pen that had been a lovely gift from my writing teacher at graduation back in Florida. I sat at the small desk in our bedroom. Soon to be just Andy's.

Loved ones,

Please don't be sad, and no one blame themselves over what has come to be. My soul has been caged during my existence and this is the only way I know to set it free. Please, no one believe they could have stopped me. I would have found a way no matter what. Below I have designated the things I have needed to tell individual people.

Brandon:

Thank you for taking me into your home when I had no place to go. You were always the best older brother you could have been for me. I hope you find someone who truly loved you and enjoys you as best as you really are. I love you, and I want you knows that if there is another life after this one, I will do my best to look over and guide you. You were stronger than me, and I know that you have so many amazing things in your life yet to come. Sissy loves you, bubby.

CC & Jake:

Thank you for being additional big brothers to me. We always had good times and I loved every minute. CC you are such a knucklehead and you are gonna drive some girl crazy one day. Jake I wish the best for you and Ella. You will be the best foster dad that there can be because you have so much care and love in you.

Ashley:

I swear to God, you better take care of Siren or I will come back in the other life in whatever form and kick your fucking ass. Take care of her since I can't, she's going to need someone and you better be there for her. You're a great guy Ash. Thank you.

Mom & Dad:

It's doubtful you will ever read this. Things became horrible twisted these last few years. And I'm sorry you never got to know the real me. I've really missed you guys and always hoped to reconnect somehow but that's not going to happen now. You tried. Sorry I couldn't have been the daughter you wanted.

Siren:

I know you'll be the one to find me. I'm so sorry Siren. Please, don't return to old habits. You are too wonderful to be lost from this world, you are my best friend and our time together will always be cherished. You were the only one who really helped me to be who I wanted. I love you so much. I really do, please forgive me.

Jinxx:

I forgive you. I hope you will explain the truth to Andy.

Lastly, my love-

Andy:

There is no one to who I owe more apology than you. I'm so sorry I have done this. Andy, I can't live without you. I love you so so much, but please, be strong without me. Have the strength I didn't. You lived without me before, I know you can do it again. I hope you always can create beautiful music and inspire everyone. You have a beautiful purpose in this life. Never forget that. You were my true love and there was no person who I could have possibly loved more, but you have to go on without me, because I wasn't happy in the world of the living. I hope you will forgive, Jinxx and continue to be friends, because you two need each other. More than I needed you or you needed me. Thank you for always helping me chase my dreams and I'm sorry I'm doing this to you, but I have to. I love you, so so so much, Andy. I will always love you. I ask that you please do two things. 1. At my funeral, please have black roses. Don't try to tell anyone about how I was happy and loved life, because we all know I didn't. 2. On the 7th of September, go to the beach with my ashes. This was the day we had been reunited at Warped Prom. This is the night I gave you everything. This is the night we truly became one. I wanted this day to be our wedding. Hold a small ceremony and spread my ashes in the ocean. Throw roses, just like the ones from our engagement in the water with me. I'll always be closes to our home, but can come and go as I please with the tides. Andy, I truly am so sorry I couldn't make it. Please forgive me, but please live for me and move on, that's all I can want is for you to be happy without my existence. I love you.

I leave you with this-

"Smile because of what you have. Learn from what you have lost." - Austin Carlile Of Mice & Men

I love you all, and I'm sorry.

Forever immortal,

Reyalie Chance

I folded the letter, placing it on my pillow.
I returned to the bathroom and picked up the razor, and pressed as hard as possible, crying out in the agony as it severed my vein from wrist to elbow. It was done. Over. Finally.

You've done it. Congratulations. Welcome to the world of the dead.

Notes