I stare at the phone, daring myself to look at the messages from Clayton. I know it. It's over. Clayton and I are done. I need to let go. I pull in a shaky breath and open the messages.

Claybear: Hey baby ;)
Claybear: Hey. I'm going to bed. I haven't talked to you all day. Txt me
Claybear: I gotta sleep so txt me tomorrow. I miss you :(
Claybear: Babe I haven't talked to you in two days. Are you OK?

I open a reply message. Me: I'm alright. Sorry. I've been visiting with some old friends and haven't had my phone near me. I forgot it in the car and couldn't find it.

Siren and I sat in silence for a few moments. She nervously glanced at me. "I'm sorry, Rey. But you know you can't keep him on the side while you rekindle things with Andy."

"I'm aware Si." "I'm just worried about you. Things have been so up and down and I hope you are...you know coping OK." She reached across the center console and gave my hand a gentle squeeze before returning hers to the steering wheel.

"I haven't cut if that's what you are wondering."

"Good." We returned to silence as she drove and I blankly stared out the window. Eventually I was so tired I just leaned my forehead against the door panel and closed my eyes. We still had a few hours until we returned home. I began to drift off.

I was standing in front of Clayton. "Clayton, please! Believe me!" I shouted. I could feel tears streaming down my face, hot and acidic.
"Why the fuck should I? How do you think I feel?!" he shouted back as he threw his hands up and turned his back as he began to walk away.
"Clayton! Please!" I yelled as I ran forward and grabbed his arm. He angry shook it off and continued to walk away. I sprinted after him, but he was so far away, getting farther by the moment. "Clayton!"

I jolted awake. My breathing was panicked and my hands were shaking. I blinked away tears.

"Holy shit, Rey. Are you OK?" Siren said. She reached over and gently shook me. I didn't respond. My heart was slamming in my chest. An angry torrent of thoughts had over taken my conscious and I was incapable of slowing hem as they raged. "Reya!" I couldn't speak. My hands were trembling so bad and my stomach was knotting itself. I felt the car bounce. I was barely aware of the door being flung open and Siren crouching in front of me. My hands were numb as she gripped them in hers. I dropped my head to my lap and let the convulsions continue. I closed my eyes in a failed attempt to calm myself but my breath continued to get harder to catch, my chest was tightening and I could feel a creeping sensation in my throat. I began to choke. I leaned out the side of the car and vomited. Siren braced me from falling out of the car and gently rubbed my back as my body continued to heave. I was drenched in sweat now.

Siren pulled her phone and placed it next to her ear. "I have no idea what to do!" I heard muffled as my head was swimming. I heard the crackle as her phone was on speaker.

"Reya," a soothing deep voice said. "Siren I think she's having a panic attack or anxiety attack. I need to find a way to calm her down. It should pass but if she doesn't show any change in ten minutes take her to the hospital."

"What do I do Andy?" she said frantically.

"Just hold her, take the phone off speaker and hold it to her." Siren hesitantly placed the phone against my ear. "Reya." Andy's voice rang in my ear. "Bay, just calm down. You are safe. You are OK. Imagine me sitting there with you, holding you in my arms. Take a deep breath sweetie. You are OK baby."
I forced myself to suck in a breath. "There ya go. Just calm down babe." I took in another breath. "Reya." I opened my eyes finally. Things were blurry and spinning. "Reya?"

"What?" I choked through a gasp.

"I love you Reyalie." I sniffled. I took another breath and felt the tightness in my chest releasing.

"I...love you...too Andy."

"Are you OK now?" he asked, concern lacing his voice.

"I think."

"OK baby I need to get back to work OK? If you need me I'll be here. Just calm down sweetie. We can talk later OK?"

"OK." Siren took her phone back and said bye to Andy and a quick thanks. She got back in the drivers seat and we continued down the highway again. I could tell I'd freaked out Siren. I've never had a panic attack that strong. At least that I could remember. I've been clean of anxiety attacks for a few weeks now and I feel terrible that it happened again.

My phone vibrated. I glanced down. It was a text.
Claybear: You mean these "friends"

I stared stunned for a moment. I opened the attachment. It was a photo, of Andy and I holding hands outside the theater. It was on the cover of Rock Sound magazine. Front page. Oh fuck.

Notes

Well guys. Sorry for how long this has taken me. I've been so stressed lately.
Unfortunely...I broke my clean streak.

I haven't had a panick attack in a month and last night I had one. I felt so out of control and I get so physically sick when it happens.

I hope you guys like this chapter.

Comment please!