Freedom in the Night
I swear I'll never let you die
I woke up alone. I stretched and looked at my clock. 9:28. Shit they're all probably up now. I got out of bed, and grabbed my journal, to write down the nightmare. I walked over and climbed into my little niche.
I dreamed about mom. I dreamed about her dying. It's all my fault. If I had stabbed the guy, she at least would be alive. It's my fault. Jinxx probably wishes I was dead too, that way he wouldn't have to deal with me. Mom told him about all of the past issues I've dealt with. He knows about the time I tried to kill myself, he knows that I used to cut before I started again, he knows I used to starve myself and purge, but he doesn't know that I started doing it again. I want to tell him because he could help, but no. I need to fight on my own. I deserve to suffer. I need to suffer. So I can't tell him. They don't want me here. Ashley and Jake probably think I'm a freak. CC can't get any sleep with me around. Andy is probably already tired of my shit, and so he's choosing not to deal with me. Jinxx probably hates me because my parents are dead because of me, I'm fat, I'm ugly, untalented and worthless. Sammi just sees me as a nuisance. Maybe I'll just end it for them, so they won't have to worry about me.
There was a knock on my door, and I jumped up to get it. Jake. "Mind if I come in?" I shook my head, and opened the door for him. I ran over to my bed and straightened the covers so he could sit. He shut the door behind him, and I motioned for him to sit with me. I sat crossed legged in front of him, and we sat in an awkward silence for a minute. "So, Jake what did you have on your mind?" He took my hand, and pulled up my sleeve to reveal the bandages. He looked at me, and looked very sad. "Audrey...I was afraid that this was a problem." I shrugged. "Could you tell?" He nodded. "When we first saw you..the first thing I thought was that you were so sad. So so sad. And I saw your bracelets, and I noticed that you've only been wearing long sleeves, so it kinda clued me in." A tear slipped down my cheek, and he wiped it away. "Audrey, I care about you. You're pretty much my little sister now. I care alot about you, and I want to help. I don't want any harm to come to you. I want you to be able to come to me." I felt tears spill down my cheeks, and he pulled me into a tight hug. I was able to pull myself together quicker than I thought I would, and then I decided to tell Jake my story. "My parents always loved me. And I was a very fortunate kid. I always had what I needed, and I did get somethings I wanted. I was an only child, so I got plenty of attention. I had a dog, and his name was Charlie. He was the sweetest dog I'd ever met, and I loved him to pieces. My dad was a very sweet and loving man. He always provided for my mother and I, and I was his little princess. My mother was very sweet and loving and just great. They were so sweet." I paused and I started crying again. Jake rubbed my back, and I continued my story. "Things started 'going south' when I hit middle school. I got bullied everyday. People would always tell me I'm fat, ugly, worthless, anything mean they could find. I started self-harming in 7th grade, and became anorexic as well. When I got to highschool, I was able to stop selfharming, and I started eating again. But that's when the physical beatings started. And it was bad. I'm talking broken ribs, wrists, collar bones...anything. Things got really bad this past year, with my ex-boyfriend and his friends beating on me. I was able to not self harm then, surprisingly, and I was still keeping a healthy diet....then.." I paused to breathe so I wouldn't cry. "My parents died. In front of me. And it was bad. And then Charlie died the next day....so I was alone. But the officers were able to get in contact with Jinxx, and now I'm here." Jake sighed, and hugged me. I smiled at him, and I pulled up my sleeve. "And now I'm back to square one. Cuts on my arm, and now I'm trying not to eat. But whenever I do, I get rid of it." He took both of my hands in his. "You are a beautiful girl..please don't do that to yourself. Please. I don't want to see you hurt." I shrugged. "Hey," He tilted my face so my eyes met his. "We'll get through this. I promise." I smiled, and he hugged me again. "Alright hon, you wanna go downstairs with everyone else?" I nodded, and I went to face everyone.
I walked downstairs with Jake, to find Ashley on the couch next to CC, and they were watching Scrubs. "Good morning sunshine!" I was greeted by an overly happy Ashley. I smiled and said good morning to him. He held out his arms, and instantly pulled me into a hug. I giggled, and was thoroughly enjoying myself. CC kissed my cheek. "You feelin better?" I nodded and Ashley started taunting CC "CC likes Audrey CC likes Audrey!" CC punched him in the arm, and had a great comeback. "I have a crush on her? You're the one who pulled her onto you!" Ashley instantly got defensive. "At least I wasn't in her bed!" CC blushed and looked away. Does CC have a crush on me?? I mean, I wouldn't mind. He's really cute and sweet and funny. And I like the way I fit into his arms and he smells nice. Wow I need to slow the fuck down. Like holy shit. I shook my head and Ashley giggled at him. Andy walked in, and said good morning to everyone and rubbed my hair. I laughed and he sat down on the other couch. Jake and Jinxx were in the kitchen, and it sounded like they were having a serious conversation. Jinxx kept looking at me, and I swear I could feel my heart rate picking back up. I tried to watch the show with them and laugh at all the right parts. But then Jinxx called me into the kitchen. Fuck. I stiffened up, and I slowly walked into the kitchen. "So.." He started. "You're gonna have to finish school." Oh thank god I'm not in trouble. "I've been filling out your paperwork. You will be finishing school, and you can do any extracurricular activity you'd like. I nodded. "School starts Monday, and you, Sammi, and I are going to go shopping together, kay?" I nodded, and looked over at Jake. I gave him pleading eyes. Please don't make me go to school. Please I'll get hurt. He gave me this look, and it just said "It's all gonna be okay. I will protect you." I nodded and went back into the living room. Sammi glided down the stairs. "Audrey, go change clothes, and get ready. We're going shopping." I smiled and ran upstairs and eagerly got dressed. I slipped on a pair of jeans, a BVB shirt, and my favorite converse. I put on some makeup and fixed my hair so I didn't look too terrible. I grabbed my phone, and ran downstairs. I gave everyone a good-bye hug, but Andy followed me. "I'm coming too." I smiled and we ran out to Jinxx and Sammi's car together.
I dreamed about mom. I dreamed about her dying. It's all my fault. If I had stabbed the guy, she at least would be alive. It's my fault. Jinxx probably wishes I was dead too, that way he wouldn't have to deal with me. Mom told him about all of the past issues I've dealt with. He knows about the time I tried to kill myself, he knows that I used to cut before I started again, he knows I used to starve myself and purge, but he doesn't know that I started doing it again. I want to tell him because he could help, but no. I need to fight on my own. I deserve to suffer. I need to suffer. So I can't tell him. They don't want me here. Ashley and Jake probably think I'm a freak. CC can't get any sleep with me around. Andy is probably already tired of my shit, and so he's choosing not to deal with me. Jinxx probably hates me because my parents are dead because of me, I'm fat, I'm ugly, untalented and worthless. Sammi just sees me as a nuisance. Maybe I'll just end it for them, so they won't have to worry about me.
There was a knock on my door, and I jumped up to get it. Jake. "Mind if I come in?" I shook my head, and opened the door for him. I ran over to my bed and straightened the covers so he could sit. He shut the door behind him, and I motioned for him to sit with me. I sat crossed legged in front of him, and we sat in an awkward silence for a minute. "So, Jake what did you have on your mind?" He took my hand, and pulled up my sleeve to reveal the bandages. He looked at me, and looked very sad. "Audrey...I was afraid that this was a problem." I shrugged. "Could you tell?" He nodded. "When we first saw you..the first thing I thought was that you were so sad. So so sad. And I saw your bracelets, and I noticed that you've only been wearing long sleeves, so it kinda clued me in." A tear slipped down my cheek, and he wiped it away. "Audrey, I care about you. You're pretty much my little sister now. I care alot about you, and I want to help. I don't want any harm to come to you. I want you to be able to come to me." I felt tears spill down my cheeks, and he pulled me into a tight hug. I was able to pull myself together quicker than I thought I would, and then I decided to tell Jake my story. "My parents always loved me. And I was a very fortunate kid. I always had what I needed, and I did get somethings I wanted. I was an only child, so I got plenty of attention. I had a dog, and his name was Charlie. He was the sweetest dog I'd ever met, and I loved him to pieces. My dad was a very sweet and loving man. He always provided for my mother and I, and I was his little princess. My mother was very sweet and loving and just great. They were so sweet." I paused and I started crying again. Jake rubbed my back, and I continued my story. "Things started 'going south' when I hit middle school. I got bullied everyday. People would always tell me I'm fat, ugly, worthless, anything mean they could find. I started self-harming in 7th grade, and became anorexic as well. When I got to highschool, I was able to stop selfharming, and I started eating again. But that's when the physical beatings started. And it was bad. I'm talking broken ribs, wrists, collar bones...anything. Things got really bad this past year, with my ex-boyfriend and his friends beating on me. I was able to not self harm then, surprisingly, and I was still keeping a healthy diet....then.." I paused to breathe so I wouldn't cry. "My parents died. In front of me. And it was bad. And then Charlie died the next day....so I was alone. But the officers were able to get in contact with Jinxx, and now I'm here." Jake sighed, and hugged me. I smiled at him, and I pulled up my sleeve. "And now I'm back to square one. Cuts on my arm, and now I'm trying not to eat. But whenever I do, I get rid of it." He took both of my hands in his. "You are a beautiful girl..please don't do that to yourself. Please. I don't want to see you hurt." I shrugged. "Hey," He tilted my face so my eyes met his. "We'll get through this. I promise." I smiled, and he hugged me again. "Alright hon, you wanna go downstairs with everyone else?" I nodded, and I went to face everyone.
I walked downstairs with Jake, to find Ashley on the couch next to CC, and they were watching Scrubs. "Good morning sunshine!" I was greeted by an overly happy Ashley. I smiled and said good morning to him. He held out his arms, and instantly pulled me into a hug. I giggled, and was thoroughly enjoying myself. CC kissed my cheek. "You feelin better?" I nodded and Ashley started taunting CC "CC likes Audrey CC likes Audrey!" CC punched him in the arm, and had a great comeback. "I have a crush on her? You're the one who pulled her onto you!" Ashley instantly got defensive. "At least I wasn't in her bed!" CC blushed and looked away. Does CC have a crush on me?? I mean, I wouldn't mind. He's really cute and sweet and funny. And I like the way I fit into his arms and he smells nice. Wow I need to slow the fuck down. Like holy shit. I shook my head and Ashley giggled at him. Andy walked in, and said good morning to everyone and rubbed my hair. I laughed and he sat down on the other couch. Jake and Jinxx were in the kitchen, and it sounded like they were having a serious conversation. Jinxx kept looking at me, and I swear I could feel my heart rate picking back up. I tried to watch the show with them and laugh at all the right parts. But then Jinxx called me into the kitchen. Fuck. I stiffened up, and I slowly walked into the kitchen. "So.." He started. "You're gonna have to finish school." Oh thank god I'm not in trouble. "I've been filling out your paperwork. You will be finishing school, and you can do any extracurricular activity you'd like. I nodded. "School starts Monday, and you, Sammi, and I are going to go shopping together, kay?" I nodded, and looked over at Jake. I gave him pleading eyes. Please don't make me go to school. Please I'll get hurt. He gave me this look, and it just said "It's all gonna be okay. I will protect you." I nodded and went back into the living room. Sammi glided down the stairs. "Audrey, go change clothes, and get ready. We're going shopping." I smiled and ran upstairs and eagerly got dressed. I slipped on a pair of jeans, a BVB shirt, and my favorite converse. I put on some makeup and fixed my hair so I didn't look too terrible. I grabbed my phone, and ran downstairs. I gave everyone a good-bye hug, but Andy followed me. "I'm coming too." I smiled and we ran out to Jinxx and Sammi's car together.
Notes
Yeah yeah yeah I know still pretty shitty....but still let me know what you think (:I'll probably delete this later...oh well.
You depicted Andy as quite the asshole in the last chapter, especially considering that blonde character was a stupid-ass bitch — who should've been more of a one-night stand, if anything else. But what you did certainly adds a good bit
of drama that makes me want to keep reading to see what happens to Audrey
4/20/15