Saviour - Comments, page 4

Hey there! So, I havent read the whole thing yet, just the first three chapters. And I love the plot line. I think it's great! The only few things I noticed were spelling errors and you need more details. I'll explain.

In chapter one, when her grandma falls or whatever, she's in the kitchen with her and then all of a sudden she's crying in the driveway. There was no detail on how she got there. It was just kind of, oh here I am calling 911 in the house and then surprise I'm outside. Instead, you could add something like:

"The paramedics lifted my grandma onto a stretcher and wheeled her out the front door. I followed, tears staining my cheeks as I watched them place her in the back of the ambulance. I knelt on the cold pavement of my driveway and let the tears fall. I heard a door slam and looked up to see my granddad storming towards me with a look of utter rage on his face."

Do you see how vivid that is? Try and make your writing vivid. I want to be able to read the story and have it playing like a movie in my head because of how descriptive it is. It's a hard thing to master, but just keep working on it. My English professor at college suggests writing something and then putting it away for an entire 24 hours. Don't look at it, think about it, or work on it. Just let it sit and let your mind do something else. When you return to the work, read it. Now, instead of reading it from the author's point of view, you're reading it with fresh eyes like a reader would be reading it. This will help you edit it and make it even better than it was before.

I hope this was helpful! I'll continue to read the rest of the story when I get a chance and let you know how you're doing. If you have any questions, feel free to message me!

@Lucyriverstone



@bvbforlife

Thanks guys! That means a lot. I'll have another chapter up either today or tomorrow.

so far i love it

I can't wait until the next chapter this story is amazin so far ;)

@ChayChaos

Thanks so much! It means a lot to me that you like it!

THIS IS GOD ASDFGHJKL

@BVBArmie yeah its cool like this whole website is full of people who care. unlike facebook people here give a shit.

@BVBArmie
Welcome. :)

@Cassie_BVBLover



@Kat Bvbsavedme

Thanks guys. It's nice knowing that people care

if you needa talk message me, i have those same feelings

I hope that you are okay. I get those sometimes. If you ever need to talk just tell me okay?

@BVBArmie
Awesome!! :D

@izzy-biersack
Thanks! I'll try to update today, but it'll be pretty late(Like around midnight EST)

ERMAHGERD IT'S AMAZING!!

ERMAHGER IT'S AMAZING!!

Moar!!!!!

('-')
>(.)> le computer hug

@SavedByCarolyn
Thank you! I'd hug you if I could ^-^

@BVBArmie
Yay!!! Your a really good writer

@BVBArmie
Yay!!! Your a really good writer