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Saviour - Comments, page 3
@We_Are_The_FallenAngels
I will! Thank you so much for commenting Ily!
And I think you'll like what the next chapter has in store.
@BVBArmie
i only watched one episode FOR him lol i wanted to continue but im in college and didn't have time he was in the season finale and i missed it and im beyond excited for cwywf apparently there are seven sex scenes (they did a preview in LA for fans and of course i live in Indiana and am broke as hell so i have to wait til it actually comes out in theatres) he was also in the show SMASH it was either on ABC or NBC i cant remember and there was last man standing he played a dad lol it was adorable <3 he's an amazing actor
@BVBJBLOVER4EVER
Yea, mostly the reason I never heard anything more was because I had pretty much stopped following that scene, but now that you mention it I do remember hearing about Nick being in that movie. And with Hawaii 5o I watched the first episode and it was pretty boring imo, so I didn't watch anymore.
kevin is the eldest he is married with a baby nick and joe have gfs they took a hiatus in 2010 nick released a side project joe did a solo album in 2011 and they had a comeback concert on 10-11-12 then they released pom poms in april of 2013 then first time then did a summer tour had a supposed rift broke up and released a live album including 4 new songs from their 5th album which was going to be called V now kev is happy with his wife and baby doing his own thing nick is into acting and joe is doing who knows what but as long as he is happy im happy and the TRUE FANS are happy and nick is the youngest definitely not married lol and kev got married in 2009 so i mean if you stopped being a fan BEFORE lines vines and trying times came out then if you weren't paying any attention you wouldn't have heard anything but nick did do a side project his band was Nick Jonas and The Administration look it up just to check it out if you want its actually amazing and joes solo album was more hip hop so i loved it but not as much as who i am also nick is in a movie coming out this fall called Careful What You Wish For and he was on 2 episodes of Hawaii 5O and on another show but i didn't get to see it if it came out already but yeah that is literally the last 4 years of jb's lives/careers im obsessed <3 lol nick is dating miss universe 2013 lol
@BVBJBLOVER4EVER
Yea, kinda what I thought too. After Nick (I think it was) got married I never heard anything more about any of them.
@BVBArmie
yeah were... i mean i still love them but them breaking up... i don't listen to them anymore, I've seen them live twice and i moved on a couple weeks after the second time, i heard wretched and divine and i became obsessed lol but nick has a movie coming out in the fall that im looking forward to and joe and nick are supposed to be working on solo music but we haven't heard anything its like they've dropped off the face of the earth with the exception of a few tweets here and there and the occasional instagram post ~sigh~ MIW's new album comes out on nicks bday though <3
@BVBArmie
ummmmmmm ~speaks really fast~ thejonasbrotherslol
and no problem i was really confuzzled lol <3
@BVBJBLOVER4EVER
Shit you're right, I totally forgot about that. I'll fix it soon. Thanks for noticing and telling me about it.
Oh and what does JB stand for? Just curious
i just have a couple questions about changes halfway through that bothered me: couldn't Val play multiple instruments? She played guitar for Jinxx while he played his violin and she could also play drums so why is she now only able to play the violin? it just kind of didn't make sense to me in the beginning she can play guitar, drums, & violin and now she can play one song on violin and sing? (i know this seems negative but it just kind of didn't make sense i truly do love the story :) ) (BEFORE ANYONE ASKS JB DOES NOT STAND FOR JUSTIN BIEBER HE IS A STUCK UP BITCH LOL)
btw i love the story line can't wait to read more its really good
finished reading a few sec ago~ *____* can't wait for the next chap~ i love it sooo much, though i was about to cry for a few sec there and then p.p
@BVBArmie
No problem! I only got to chapter three so I'll continue reading through the rest of the story to see how you've progressed! :)
No problem! I only got to chapter three so I'll continue reading through the rest of the story to see how you've progressed! :)
@thatscalledyes
Thanks so much! I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I try my hardest to correct grammar and spelling errors, but sometimes I miss them when reading over the chapter and my keyboard on my laptop sucks, the keys stick or don't press down so I miss letters or add extra ones sometimes. Also, I feel as though the story does get more vivid as it goes on, but that's just me. Reading other's stories on here has helped me some. I'll try using that tip that your professor gave you, too. That should help a lot. I tend to reread what I've written multiple times, but I've never tried just leaving it sit and then going back to it unless I can't think of anything more to write. Again, thanks a lot for taking the time to review my story, it means a lot.
Thanks so much! I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I try my hardest to correct grammar and spelling errors, but sometimes I miss them when reading over the chapter and my keyboard on my laptop sucks, the keys stick or don't press down so I miss letters or add extra ones sometimes. Also, I feel as though the story does get more vivid as it goes on, but that's just me. Reading other's stories on here has helped me some. I'll try using that tip that your professor gave you, too. That should help a lot. I tend to reread what I've written multiple times, but I've never tried just leaving it sit and then going back to it unless I can't think of anything more to write. Again, thanks a lot for taking the time to review my story, it means a lot.
Hey there! So, I havent read the whole thing yet, just the first three chapters. And I love the plot line. I think it's great! The only few things I noticed were spelling errors and you need more details. I'll explain.
In chapter one, when her grandma falls or whatever, she's in the kitchen with her and then all of a sudden she's crying in the driveway. There was no detail on how she got there. It was just kind of, oh here I am calling 911 in the house and then surprise I'm outside. Instead, you could add something like:
"The paramedics lifted my grandma onto a stretcher and wheeled her out the front door. I followed, tears staining my cheeks as I watched them place her in the back of the ambulance. I knelt on the cold pavement of my driveway and let the tears fall. I heard a door slam and looked up to see my granddad storming towards me with a look of utter rage on his face."
Do you see how vivid that is? Try and make your writing vivid. I want to be able to read the story and have it playing like a movie in my head because of how descriptive it is. It's a hard thing to master, but just keep working on it. My English professor at college suggests writing something and then putting it away for an entire 24 hours. Don't look at it, think about it, or work on it. Just let it sit and let your mind do something else. When you return to the work, read it. Now, instead of reading it from the author's point of view, you're reading it with fresh eyes like a reader would be reading it. This will help you edit it and make it even better than it was before.
I hope this was helpful! I'll continue to read the rest of the story when I get a chance and let you know how you're doing. If you have any questions, feel free to message me!
In chapter one, when her grandma falls or whatever, she's in the kitchen with her and then all of a sudden she's crying in the driveway. There was no detail on how she got there. It was just kind of, oh here I am calling 911 in the house and then surprise I'm outside. Instead, you could add something like:
"The paramedics lifted my grandma onto a stretcher and wheeled her out the front door. I followed, tears staining my cheeks as I watched them place her in the back of the ambulance. I knelt on the cold pavement of my driveway and let the tears fall. I heard a door slam and looked up to see my granddad storming towards me with a look of utter rage on his face."
Do you see how vivid that is? Try and make your writing vivid. I want to be able to read the story and have it playing like a movie in my head because of how descriptive it is. It's a hard thing to master, but just keep working on it. My English professor at college suggests writing something and then putting it away for an entire 24 hours. Don't look at it, think about it, or work on it. Just let it sit and let your mind do something else. When you return to the work, read it. Now, instead of reading it from the author's point of view, you're reading it with fresh eyes like a reader would be reading it. This will help you edit it and make it even better than it was before.
I hope this was helpful! I'll continue to read the rest of the story when I get a chance and let you know how you're doing. If you have any questions, feel free to message me!
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@comagirl03
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8/3/14