I sat in the old room that I had in the house and smiled at the memories. They haven't been in the house since we left so everything was pretty dusty but the same.

We were staying here while Mel and ash visited her mom who was sick, the busses were at the venue in Boston with my band while we stayed here.

I sat on the bed and looked around the purple room sighing. I looked around remembering the early mornings that I was woken up by Ashley's pranks, the late night movies, and especially the day that started it all.

Sometimes I wonder what if jake never came? Would I actually have parents? Not that I don't love who I am now, I do I love the guys ,I just wish I had at least a relationship with my parents, I never tried , and by the way we left off its clear I'm not getting one anytime soon.

I sighed and stood up off the bed rubbing my face and leaving the room.

I walked out and down the stairs still thinking when I bumped into the wall outside the Living room smacking my head.


" fuck" cursed.

I walked in rubbing my head and saw the others watching me. Andy and jake were on one couch while cc and jinxx were on the other

" you okay?" Jinxx asked and I nodded plopping on the couch still thinking.

Cc put his arm around me and I leaned against him smiling a little.

" you okay?" He whispered and I nodded against his chest.

" so ash called and said they'll be there like three weeks, her moms doing better just going to make sure " Andy said

" that's good, well just extend the tour a month extra and tomorrow well have someone fill in on bass" jinxx said.

" sounds like a plan, are we staying here the whole time?" Jake asked and they all shrugged

" I might go visit my parents" Andy shrugged and the others murmured in agreement.

Great, everyone but me.

" Are the other guys staying Jess?" Jake asked but I kept starring still. I wish I had a family to visit. No they hate me, I'll never have a relationship with them and I hate it. Even jake has his mom and step dad, I have no one, I just wanted somebody. " Jess?" Cc asked snapping his fingers in my face. I shook my head and looked at them. " oh uh.. Sorry, no um they're going to visit their Um families after tomorrow" I said quickly looking between the four of them. They raised their eyebrows

. " Jess are you okay?" Jake asked and I nodded.

" I'm fine" I muttered

" no your not you keep spacing out" jinxx said and I sighed

" I'm fine just leave it" I snapped and they looked at me again. Cc rubbed my shoulder

. " come on tell us what's wrong" he said and I groaned shooting up from my seat grabbing my head.

" nothing's wrong why does everyone keep asking that?!" I shouted and they froze

" Jess, your obviously not just talk to us" Andy said standing up. He went to place a hand on my shoulder but I backed away.

" no I'm fine! Fine" I snapped again

. I felt a tear fall down my face and my breathing picked up. What was wrong with me? My head was clouded, I was fine fucking fine.

"Je-" jake stood up but I shook my head.

" no I'm fine " I said before walking out the room.

I ran to the door and slammed the door rubbing my face again feeling my chest tighten.

" I'm fine" I said to myself feeling tears stream down my face. I looked around and instantly took off to the only place I knew I could clear my head

. I ran fast and hard feeling the tears fall faster than rain, I was fine.

Just fucking fine

---

I looked off in the distance at the green trees that now looked like nothing but blurry green dots.

I leaned against johns grave hugging my knees sobbing into them like I have been for the past 20minutes. The graveyard was silent except a few visitors at nearby graves, none paying attention to the 20 year old kid sobbing against a marbled stone.

I watched as a little girl and mother were placing an American flag on a grave across the way

. "You really have to stop running from your problems"

I jumped and snapped my head up grabbing my heart. Jake stood in front of me giving a weak smile

. I shook my head and leaned against my knees again. I knew they'd find me eventually. I heard him sigh and then he leaned down next to me pulling me in his lap. I clung to his black sweatshirt crying into it while he cradled me

. " Jess it's okay" he said into my ear and I cried harder. No it wasn't.

" Jess what's wrong sweety? Please talk to me." He demanded pulling away. I sighed taking a breath as fiddled with bracelets.

" it's been 2 years since I walked out on mom and dad and I just, I wish I had a relationship with them! Everyone's talking about seeing their parents and family, what do I have?" I asked and I saw his mouth open a little obviously taken back on my sudden out burst

" you have us Jess.." He said and I groaned placing my head in my hands before looking at him

. " I love you guys but I want a family, I want a mom and dad who care , who love me" I said and he squeezed me tighter

. " I have no doubt in my mind that they love you, Jess , you were a teenager , parents and teenagers fight, maybe if you talk to them you can sort it out." I stayed silent.

I couldn't do that, not after all what happened, I can't just walk back in and go

'hey here I am come love me'.


" you know I can't do that" I whispered and I felt him sigh. He shifted in front of me and rubbed my arm gently.

"At least think about it" he said looking at me. I nodded and he smiled kissing my cheek.

" and remember, you have me, a brother who fucking loves you, your boyfriend who also loves you, and don't forget about those 3 dickheads who I know for a fact also love you" he said poking my nose. I chuckled silently wiping my face.

" I know, they are dick heads aren't they?"

He smiled wider and took my hand in his.

" listen I know it's not much but we're a family, we're your family and even if mom and dad don't work out, we'll never leave, were here to stay and I think you found of that, you can never get away from us" he said and I chuckled again giving him a hug than laying on his chest feeling my chest lighten up.

" I love you" I said and I felt Him kiss the top if my head

" I love you too Jess, I love you too"

Maybe He was right, it may be a messed up family but It was a family and I couldn't ask for better.

Notes

Sorry this sucks !! It'll get better