The Cost Of Winning

ASHLEY'S POV :

I pull into the parking space, shutting off the motor and getting out of the car, seeing other parents leaving the building with their kids as I walk toward the door. Stepping inside, I see Bren sitting at one of the little tables with a couple of other kids, and call out, "I'm here, cutie! Let's get your jacket, it's time to go home."

She gets up from the chair and walks over to the little pegs where the coats are hanging, pulling hers down and dragging it over to me, standing here while I put it on. I pick her up and kiss her cheek, and she hugs me, but doesn't seem to feel like talking, so I assume that she didn't actually take her nap today. We go out to the car, and I strap her into her seat and head back to the house, where Fi should have her afternoon snack ready for her when we get back.

After a few minutes, we pull through the gate into the driveway, and I keep going into the garage. Getting her out of the car, I carry her into the kitchen and set her down on the floor, where Yoda starts bouncing around, wanting her attention. Fianna says, "Hi, Smidge! If you let Daddy take off your coat, you can sit down and have some juice and a peanut butter cookie, and you can tell us about school today."

She just starts walking toward the living room, saying, "Don't wants cookie, me's not hungwy," without giving Fi her usual hug, or even petting Yoda, and we both just sort of gape at each other, because Bren has never passed up a peanut butter cookie, they're her absolute favorite.

We follow her into the living room, where she's climbed up onto the couch and laid down, and I see that her bottom lip is trembling. "Do you feel okay, Smidge?" Fianna asks her. "Does your tummy feel bad again?"

She shakes her head, but then bursts into tears, and I sit down on the couch and scoop her into my lap, while Fi sits next to me and strokes her hair. I sort of rock her for a couple of minutes, until she starts to calm down, and then I say, "Tell us what's wrong, cutie. If your tummy doesn't hurt, then what is it?"

She sniffles a couple of times, and Fi grabs a box of tissues, pulling out a handful and wiping her face. When she's done, Bren looks at us, and asks, "When new baby comes to ours house, does yous still wants me?"

"Brenna Colleen Purdy, why would you ask that?!" Fianna exclaims. "Of course we still want you!"

"What made you think that, sweetie?" I ask.

"Jamie at mines school gots a new baby at he's house, and he say hims mommy don'ts wuv he no more. He say him asts hims mommy to pway wif he, or weads he a story, and her say 'Nots now, me is busy wif baby'. Him were sad ats school today, and Mr. Bobby calls Jamie daddy to comes to school, 'cause him cwies."

Fianna turns Bren's head, so they're looking at each other, and tells her, "Smidge, Daddy and I love you very much, and we will always want you. And I'm sure your little friend's mommy still loves him, too, she's just not doing a very good job of making him see that."

"That's right, sweetie," I explain. "Babies do have to have a lot of attention, since they can't do anything for themselves, but that doesn't mean that we'll love you any less. We might not be able to stop right away and play with you if the baby needs a new diaper or some food, or if they're sick, but we'll always find some time to spend with you. You believe that, don't you?"

She nods and says, "Uh-huh, 'cause you ands Mommy don'ts say wies to me. Me was 'fwaid
that's you woulds no more wikes me, and me would's be sad, 'cause Mommy ams mine goodest fwend, and me wuvs you wots of bunches too, Daddy."

"That's good, because I love you lots of bunches, too. And since we're talking about the new baby, I need to ask you something important," I reply. "You know how we've talked about how I have to go away for a little while after Christmas, right?"

She nods, and her expression turns sad again. "Me 'members, Daddy. You has to go away to does contherts wif you's music, and me wills misses you."

"And I'm going to miss you and Mommy. But what I want to ask you is if you'll do something for me, and help Mommy while I'm gone, by making sure you keep your room clean and don't fight with her about bathtime or brushing your teeth. I don't know if she told you, but Mommy got sick when you were still in her tummy, and she's going to have to go to the doctor sometimes to make sure it doesn't happen again."

She scrunches her forehead up in a worried expression, and says, "But me is too wittle to dwive if her gets sick, Daddy! And me don'ts know how to call somebodies on hers phone wikes you dids when her goed to seep in the bafwoom."

"We know that, Smidge, that's why Daddy asked Aunt Carol and Uncle Bill to come here and stay with us while he's gone," Fi replies. "They're going to come for Christmas, and they'll stay in the guest room until Daddy comes back, so one of them can drive the car if I can't, and help me take care of you."

Bren leaps out of my lap and flings her arms around Fi's neck, kissing her several times. "Me wills be good, and helps they takes care of yous, Mommy. And new baby, too, 'cause me is big girl now, and me wants to be good helper. And us can's play colors wif you's beadies, wike us did after you was at the hopsickle, and you cans sit in you's chair and makes pwetties."

"That sounds like a very good idea, cutie," I tell her. "And I'm very proud of you for wanting to be such a big helper while I'm gone."

She leans over and kisses my cheek, then says, "Me is hungwy now, can me still has mines cookie?"

We both laugh at the abrupt change of subject, and Fi says, "Why don't you pet Yoda first, before he wears a hole in the carpet? Then Daddy can take you to wash up while I get your cookie and juice."

She climbs down and plays with Yoda for a few minutes, then I carry her to the bathroom to wash up, and go to the kitchen from there, where Fi has poured her a cup of apple juice, and hands her a cookie after I put her into her chair. We sit down at the table with her, and listen to her talk about her morning at day care, and then our little wunderkind brings up something that hadn't even occurred to either of us until now.

After swallowing a bite of cookie, she asks, "Ams Aunt Cawol and Unca Biww goings to seep ins the dest room when they is here?"

"Yes, Smidge, that's where they'll stay." Fi answers.

"But if them is seepin' there, where new baby ams gonna seep? Does me has to give baby mines pwetty lello room?"

After hearing the question, we both realize that we may need to think about some other things before the baby gets here. Sure, we could always turn the guest room into a nursery after my aunt and uncle leave, but then that would still leave us without a guestroom for my family, or Ben, or the guys, if anyone comes for a visit. And the size and setup of the property doesn't give us any room to expand, so it's beginning to look like we may have to consider looking for another house.

"No, Bren, you don't have to give the baby your room," Fi informs her. "The baby will sleep in the room with me until Daddy gets home, and then we'll have to figure out something else."

I lean across the table toward Bren, and question, "How do you think you'd like to find a bigger house to live in, cutie, then everybody can have their own room?"

Her eyes get big, and she inquires, "Can me still goes to school, and pway wif Ivy, or does us has to go to far away? Cause me no wants to go away from Ivy, ands Aunt 'Kaela and Unca Wy, ands babies."

"No, we wouldn't have to go far away," I explain. "I'm just talking about a bigger house, with a bigger yard for you to play with Yoda. And maybe even one where Daisy and the other horses can live there, too, instead of us having to drive to see them. Does that sound good to everybody?"

"Yes, yes!" Bren enthuses. "Big house where horsies can wives wif we! Me wants to go there! When us cans go?"

"Hold up there, kiddo!" I laugh. "We have to find a bigger house first, so I guess mommy and I had better start looking pretty soon, so we can move when the new baby comes."

She finishes her snack, and informs us that she wants to go color, so I help her get out of the chair, and she dashes back to the living room, with Yoda right on her heels. I pick up our cups and put them into the dishwasher, then turn back to Fianna, and ask, "How did we not think about that?"

'Because we've been too busy thinking about other things, like the wedding, and your tour, and stuff like that."

"Yeah, I guess so. But now that it's out there, I guess it's time to get to work."

"Then I guess we should get in there and get ourselves on Zillow, or something like that," she announces. She gives me a quick kiss, then points toward the living room. "After you, Mr. Purdy."

Notes