That freak will never be normal."

"Keep that thing away from me and my family."

"That child is an abomination."

"That- mew- is a -mew mew...

The soft and repetitive meow of my uncle's cat, Nora, woke me from my daze. I say daze because I wasn't asleep. I was too scared to close my eyes and drift off into la la land. Even if I was able to sleep, my thoughts would follow me. The harsh words from my old home buzzed through my mind on a constant loop. I couldn't escape them, not even in my sleep. I just stared at the outdated popcorn ceiling in my uncle's guest room until morning, letting tears roll down my freckled cheeks and onto my pillow.

Today is my first day at my new school and I couldn't be more terrified. Places like Griffington weren't for people like me. I get that every kid is nervous for their first day. I understand moving so far away from home can be traumatizing. I know that being a teenager is challenging and scary. None of those situations compared to the worry that haunted me everyday. I know how I'm suppose to feel and what is normal. I know my situation and how I need to act on it. The reason I am scared is not because I am a shy and awkward teen who doesn't know how to control his long limbs. It is because I am not like them. This isn't just fear of a bully or worry about homework. This is the result of keeping something from everyone and the chance of loosing everything if they find out. The people who go there everyday didn't go through what I went through. They didn't hear the things I heard, see the things I saw, go to the doctors I went to. Unlike me, they didn't need shots and medicine to feel normal.

I lifted Nora and put her on the ground beside my bed, then gave her a light stroke before she disappeared. I then looked over at the clock on my bedside dresser to check the time. "Five-Thirty." I said to myself. I had to be ready by seven if I wanted to make it to school.

School.

The place with the watching eyes, the bossy teachers, and the shitty food. Just the thought of it made my stomach turn. I didn't want to even leave my bed, let alone be tossed into a strange environment full of even stranger people. I haven't slept in days and my heart raced at the thought of it. The thought of someone finding out...

There is no way in hell anyone could know, but that wasn't enough to calm my nerves. I knew. I knew what I had done and how it will stay with me for the rest of my life. How my choices in life will haunt me for years to come.

Speaking of choices, I had none. Going to Griffington High today was mandatory. There is no other option for me anymore. I couldn't go back home, I couldn't skip school, and even though I wanted to, I couldn't fake my own death. I just had to go to school, keep my head down, and don't let anyone find out.

I lazily pulled off my dark grey covers, shivering as the cold air stung my bare legs. I was only wearing some briefs and a tank top, so the sudden burst of air gave me a quick jolt of energy. I fumbled around for my glasses that laid next to my clock, but soon gave up, seeing as it was just a short walk to the bathroom where I kept my contacts. I slid my legs over the edge of my bed and let one of my feet graze the ice cold wooden floor. It sent a chill down my spine and made me want to crawl back into bed and never get up. I slowly let my other foot get closer and closer to the ground, not wanting to feel the cold surface on my bare toes a second time. Then, I hit something fuzzy...

"MEOW!!"

"Fuck!" I yelped. I had stepped on Nora's tail, sending me face first onto the wooden floor. Great. Just fucking great.

Not surprisingly, the large thud my body made when it hit the ground didn't wake my drunken uncle, Keith. He was out cold on the couch downstairs, completely hung over from all the drinking the night before. Lucky for me, my face broke my fall. I pushed my hands against the floor and boosted myself up so I could sit. I looked into the tall standing mirror to my right and saw my face. My lip was bleeding. The dark liquid was a violent red that drizzled down my chin. It was a small cut, but the blood seemed to pour.

As frustrating as that was, it wasn't the only thing that upset me about my appearance. My jawline wasn't sharp enough. My arms barely had any muscle. My hair was a mess. Even my posture made me want to just put a paper bag over my head and hide from the world. I hated everything about how I looked. Maybe that's what I deserve after all the things I have been through. Maybe these feelings never go away, even after the surgeries and hard work to cover up my mistakes.

I stood up and carefully made my way to the bathroom, avoiding the mirror as I turned on the hot water and stripped down. I hopped into the shower and let the warm water drape me in a wet hug. The blood from my lip rinsed away and whirled around at my feet. The dark red colour shifted between my toes and went down the drain. The hot water hurt my cut, but it felt so nice to have a bit of heat for once.

Keith refuses to admit it, but he is in financial trouble. He can barley afford to out food on the table and pay the bills. He says that he just likes to keep the house cold because he gets hot, but I know its because he hasn't paid the heating bill in moths. He still has a job, but it doesn't pay like it used to.

When his wife, Martha, died, he was crushed. He loved that woman more than anyone could love anyone. She was diagnosed with cancer on her 30th birthday. She couldn't walk or move without agonizing pain pulsing through her body. It made her terribly cruel, but he refused to let go of her. No matter how awful she treated him, no matter how much she screamed in the night, he stayed with her.

My mother told me a story when I was younger about my uncle. Keith and Martha went on a road trip to San Francisco when she was first put in a wheelchair. As they were crossing the Golden Gate Bridge, she told him that she always dreamed of running down the golden gate bridge. Keith pulled the car to the side of the bridge, took her out, put her in her wheelchair, and started running. He ran up and down the bridge over and over, letting the wind blow through her hair. He ran until his lungs stung and his mussels screamed. He did that for her.

It is a bit hard to imagine my uncle doing something so romantic. The slob that sat on the couch had a history. He had a reason for passing out drunk and yelling all the time.
He wanted to forget.

I could have stayed in that shower all day if I had the chance, but I turned off the water and stepped out to get ready. I grabbed a towel, wrapped it around my waist, and then stepped over to the bathroom counter to put in my contacts. I opened up my eye and plopped the contact in, then did the same with the other eye. Soon the burred world around me became clear. I wish life was as simple as a pair of contacts. First life is blurry and scary, then with one simple flick of a finger, it all clears up. All my problems just, disappear.

I wish I could disappear...

I quickly brushed my teeth and then tended to my lip. The cut was pretty big, and my lip was swore, but I convinced myself nobody would notice. I fixed my slightly damp hair and then walked back into the room, turning on the light. I scanned the room using my new ability of sight. Ha, listen to me. I act like being slightly less blind is somehow a superpower.

I saw that I had knocked everything on my desk onto the ground. My glasses, my watch, and my phone were scattered around the room. I went to pick up my phone and saw no cracks. "Few! That would have sucked ass!" I looked at the time. It was already six-fifty. "Fuck! I have to get dressed! How long was I in the shower‽"

I quickly put on my uniform. Black dress pants, a white shirt, a tie, and a black blazer. It wasn't my first choice, but we both know I don't have many of those, now do I. I looked in the mirror once more, then sighed. Even the smallest size of uniform was a bit baggy on me. I made an annoyed grunt and headed downstairs, past my uncle on the couch, grabbed my things, and headed for the door.

*Andy's POV*

New day, same routine. I looked around at my homeroom class. Jake was carving his name into his desk, CC and Ashley were passing notes, Jinxx was reading, and I was sat gazing over the sea of sameness. While my friends were doing what they always do, the rest of the class was sat forward, eyes on the board, little to no individuality. I have been going to this school since freshman year, and barely anything has changed. Sure, we have gotten older, but our same routine has stayed just that, same. I think if it weren't for the gang acting out and keeping me entertained, I would have left this place a long time ago. Sadly, these days the gang isn't helping like they used to. They to have fallen into a routine and have started to bore me. What is the point in living life if everything is the same?

And just like that, he walked through the door. Once he entered our classroom, everyone perked up. We haven't had a new student in almost two years, so the class was excited to see a fresh face.

"Class, may I have your attention?" Mister Grey started, "This is James Fallen. He is a new student from Ireland, I expect you to show him good manners." Mister Grey turned from the class and began to speak to James. "Welcome Mister Fallen, I'm Mister Grey, I hope you enjoy yourself here. There are a few empty seats, please choose one and sit quietly until I give you further instruction." As Mister Grey turned back to the board, James's eyes darted around the room. His hands were trembling and he was nervously biting his lip. He must have bitten it hard too, I saw a cut in the center of his bottom lip start to bleed slightly.

"James Fallen..." I whispered to myself. The name seemed exotic on my tongue. His freckles and his blue eyes had me in a daze. His hair was short and blonde, with a slight wave to it in the front, he had a strong jawline, and a lip ring to the right of his mouth...

His perfect mouth...

Holy fuck he is attractive! But, no homo of course, Right? I don't like guys. As much as I support that lifestyle, it's not who I am. Hell, I'm surrounded by guys everyday, wouldn't I have known by now? Yet, I couldn't stop staring at him. His smile, his eyes, they way he stood there, his

lips...

his...

kiss...

SNAP OUT OF IT ANDY!

I know I'm just happy to see a new face, but for some reason it feels like more. I haven't even heard him say a single word, yet he didn't have to. Something about him was unique and mysterious. Something about him was... different. I feel like I'm drawn to him. It's as if there is no one else in the room but him and I...

and CC...

"Hey! James! Come sit by me!" CC waved his big muscular arms in the air, quickly grabbing James's attention.

"Just hurry and take your seat Mister Fallen!" Mister Grey was visibly irritated. All this new shit has his ass in a knot.

That's how it goes right?

'His ass in a knot.'

Anyways, James took his seat next to CC. I just stared at him from time to time. I couldn't focus all period because of that boy.

*CC's POV*

The new kid has Andy all worked up. I could see in his eyes that there was something about James that he liked a lot. I liked James too! He was hot and Irish, you can't go wrong. But that's not the reason I asked him to sit with me. I could see he was scared. Why? I have no idea. I just wanted to be a friendly face that he could trust. It looked like he needed somebody like that about now.

" The name is Christan, but most people call me CC." I let a wide Cheshire smile consume my face as I left out a gentle hand for James to shake.

"Hello." His voice was set at a low mumble, but his accent was as thick and hot as a cement in the summertime. He smiled a bright toothy grin, filled with straight, white, teeth. I was about to say something else, but his smile faded and he returned to keeping his eyes glued to his desk top. I was about to leave him alone, assuming he was just shy. But I noticed there was a cut on his lip. It looked pretty big, fresh too.

"Hey, your lip is bleeding, you okay?" His eyes widened a bit, he looked like he was going to say something, but Mr. Grey interrupted by starting the class.

*James's POV*

Shit. He noticed my lip. What was I going to say?

'I tripped on a cat this morning, no biggie!'

That would just make me sound like a bigger loser than I already am! I was about to make a dumb excuse when the teacher started talking.

"Okay class. Please open up your books to page forty. James, you can share with CC." I looked over at Thomas who still had a goofy grin stuck to his face. He seemed friendly enough, but I couldn't take any chances.

CC had long dark hair and bright hazel eyes. He had a tall frame and a slightly muscular build. He was pretty attractive, but I've never even held a boy's hand. I had no experience with the opposite sex, let alone the same one. I knew I was gay, but I couldn't jump out and say it. I already had hateful eyes on me, that would just add to the tension. So, I kept my mouth shut. Even though now I'm in a better environment, it was still a difficult thing to accomplish.

I smiled and scooted over so I could see the book. I kept trying to follow along but I felt someone's eyes burning a hole into the back of my skull. I looked around a bit, and quickly locked eyes with him. His eyes were a bright blue with flecks of green and even a bit of yellow. They danced under a think row of eyelashes that kept me transfixed. Thick glossy hair hung slightly in his face with a wave in the front. His hair was the colour of asphalt with a slight brown tone to it. It almost looked like someone had melted a big dark chocolate bar over his head.

So dark and... savory?

I was never that good with words.

Or feelings for that matter.

Through class, I caught him staring and then quickly looking back at his book like I didn't notice. I noticed. I also noticed how attractive he was. He had a jawline fit for a god, a tall thin frame, and clear pale skin, free of blemishes. Did I mention he was tall? Because he was fucking tall. He stood at about six three. I couldn't quite tell because he was slouching in his seat. He wasn't intimidating though. He was gigantic, but he wasn't menacing or scary. It was like- like Whinny the Poo fucked Slender Man...

Again, like I said, not very good with words.

He was wearing the school shirt, the tie, and the blazer. But I could tell he was wearing skinny jeans rather than the regular slacks by the way they hugged his legs. His outfit was also paired with black vans. It somehow gave him an edge to his personality. A darkness that made me tingle inside. Yet his face and his smile gave off an awkward, childlike, nature.
Sadly, even though he was fit as fuck, that wasn't my main focus at the time. My main focus was why a guy that attractive was looking at me. Did he know my secret just by looking at me? He couldn't. He couldn't know. I started bouncing my leg nervously. If he didn't know, then why was he staring? If he didn't know why was he so interested with me? Maybe I was just paranoid... I was paranoid . I just couldn't admit it.

*Jinxx's POV, Lunch*

I knew what James was hiding. I've seen it a few times before and I know how hard it must be for him. I could tell the guys were wondering what was so different about him. I'm just afraid if they dig too deep they won't like what they find. And if the rest of the school finds out, we might never see him again.

As I was rounding up the guys and trying to get them through the lunch line, I glanced over at our normal table to see James. Fuck. I knew the guys would just pester him and make him more uncomfortable.

"Guys, lets try a different table today." I kept trying to direct their attention over to the empty table by the trash cans, but it was too late.

"No way! I want to sit by the new kid." CC shouted.

"Why is he even at our table in the first place?" Muttered Jake. Normally his response would have made me more worried but I was too busy focusing on Andy. He was transfixed by James. I don't think he has put the puzzle together just yet, but I think it's best if he doesn't. I don't think Andy would understand. He would want to help, I know he would. But James can only help himself at this point.

I kept pestering the boys to hold their fire and turn back. I feel more and more like an army general every day with these kids. I kept trying to tell them to leaving James alone, but they wouldn't listen.

Good luck James.

*James's POV*

Lunch time. I'm finally away from all the staring eyes, the whispers, and the nervous feelings bubbling in my stomach. Okay, that was a lie. I guess I'll never escape the murmurs and confused stares from others. I left my old town to get away from all of it, but I guess all this is just stuck with me.

I thought lunch would be easier because everyone is focused on eating and talking with friends. But right now it feels like everyone is just focused on me. Do I have a sine taped to my back? Or maybe it's written on my forehead? I know in my mind that people are just interested because I'm new. Sadly, the logical message from my brain didn't make its way to my heart. I feel like they know, he knows. I will never escape this no matter how hard I try.

As I picked apart my salad and prayed for the day to come to an end, I looked over and saw 'Sir Hots Alot.' We only had homeroom together so I still didn't know his name. I know I'll learn it eventually, but right now, knowing his name wasn't the problem. The problem was that he and all his friends were coming closer. Wait. Why are the coming to my table? There are, like, four others they could use! Why mine‽

Sir Hots Alot and his friends started coming closer. I didn't really know any of them. I recognised Thomas. I heard a few people calling one of the boys... Purdy? Maybe I misheard. There was also another guy with dark hair down to about ear length, and dark eyes. He seemed like he knew how nervous I was. I heard him a few times on the way over when he was trying to direct the boys away from the table, but obviously he failed. Then the last boy. He had a scowl on his face that said he was the boss. He was the first to sit at the table, and the first one to speak to me directly.

"Hey new kid. James was your name, right? I know you're still learning so I'll let you sit with us today. But just know if you make one wrong move I'll personally-"

"That's enough Jake Just because you're in a bad mood doesn't mean you should take it out on James." Before Jake could finish his threat, the short haired boy who was trying to back the boys off earlier jumped in and cut him off. "I'm Jinxx. I'm sorry about these idiots." He said glaring at all of them. "I guess I need to keep a tighter leash. We can leave you alone if you would like."

I could tell Jinxx had a good brain in his head and that he understood that my first day was stressful. I had a feeling I would like Jinxx lot in the future. I was about to say that it would be nice to be left alone when CC jumped in.

"But Phil! James is so cool! I want to sit with him and keep him company! Plus, he still hasn't told me what happened to his lip!" CC turned back to me and I froze. What should I say? After all, Thomas was being nice to me, even if he was a bit nosey.

"Just because you have the hots for the new kid doesn't mean he owes you his life story." A shorter boy with coloured hair quickly jumped in and made CC blush. Did CC like me? Is that what this is all about? I saw Sir Hots Alot raise his head up a bit to look at CC. What was up with him? What was up with all of them? Why did they find me so interesting? More importantly, what did they know?

"Look, CC won't leave us alone about it so we will sit with you today and be out of your hair. I'm Ashley, that's Andy,you know Jnxx and CC, the guy with the scowl is Jake. Please don't feel obligated to answer CC's mindless questions." After introducing the group Ashley glared at CC. They all sat down across from me. Well, except CC. He decided it was a good idea to sit right next to me. Not far away either. Close enough to hear his breathing. I get this guy is nice but does he understand personal space? I don't want anyone one of these guys to touch me, let alone sit on my lap.

I scooched a few inches away from CC and continued to eat my Salad. "So what happened? Did somebody hit you? Did you fall? DID YOU GET INTO A KNIFE FIGHT?!?" CC just kept pestering me on my lip. Why was he so interested? Couldn't he just drop it? Ashley kept glaring at CC, but he wouldn't quit.

"M-My lips are just chapped. I'm not that exciting, really."

"So he speaks!" Ashley said, laughing a bit.

"And stutters," Jake muttered, making fun of how nervous I am. I don't know why, but he seemed to have a chip on his shoulder. Another thing that didn't make sense was Sir Ho- I man Andy. He has been staring at me almost all day but now we are face to face he isn't talking to me.

" Jake, leave him alone." Jinxx started to defend me again. I can't recall what from because I was too spaced out. I'm sure Jake was just being a grouchy tool again. Probably best I didn't hear.

"Are you even listening to me?" I was just going to ignore Jake's comments. I'm sure he came from a troubled home or was bullied at one point. I can't judge a book by its cover.

Then he crossed a line...

I was about to shove my mouth full of salad when Jake leaned over the table and poked my chest.

Fuck.

No No No No.

This can't happen again. Not like this. Did he feel it?

No No, He couldn't have.

But did he?

I quickly slapped Jake's hand away and my eyes went wide. Why would he do that? I didn't do anything to him! I'm going to have a panic attack. I can't let them know! I can't let anyone know! Almost instantly after I slapped at his hand, I bolted from my seat and ran to the bathroom. The second I sat down in the stall all the memories came flooding back.

The muffled screams...

The tear stained floor..

All the blood...

I couldn't let it happen again.

I can't come back to school.


I knew I wasn't' ready...

Notes

School Uniform**

Thank you, and youre welcome.
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