Andley: I Love You More Than I Can Ever Scream
Chapter Nine: Never Give In, Never Back Down
I ran as fast as I could, I had to get away! Had he really just said that to me?! Andy, my Andy, had just called me a 'stupid, worthless man-whore who can't even love'. I guess I should stop calling him my Andy now. He clearly didn't love me. God, how I regretted what I'd done. Maybe if I never had kissed CC he never would have said that. Or would he? Was it just insults spewed in the heat of the argument, or was that how he really felt about me...
It wasn't until I heard the tour bus door slam shut behind me that I realized I'd stopped running - I'd been too lost in my thoughts - and was right by the bus, which Andy was running out of! I was definitely not ready to talk to him, not after everything. I needed to calm down, to think, before I did something I regretted. I picked up the pace and started running again, but Andy and his damn gazelle legs caught up with me fairly quickly.
He reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me back and stopping me escaping. I turned around and glared at him. "I don't want to talk!" I hissed at him, and regretted it when I saw the hurt in his eyes. Well, screw him! He hurt me first! I knew it sounded childish, but he did, and it upset me.
"Well, tough luck." He was definitely a lot stronger than he looked, something I learnt as he grabbed my arm and pulled me into a cafe we were stood near. It wasn't until I entered the cool, air conditioned cafe that I noticed how hot it was outside. Andy pulled me over to a table in the corner and I sat down sulking. "Look, Ashley...We have a lot we need to talk about. What you did...what I said..." He trailed off as a waitress came over to our table. Bleach blonde, too much fake tan and makeup, not enough clothes. The sort of girl I would have hooked up with in the past. But that was the past, and right now she couldn't look any less appealing.
The girl took our orders -neither of us were hungry but you had to order, so we each just got a Coke - and whizzed off to get our drinks. Andy's attention returned to me. "As I was saying, we need to talk. And be mature about these things." I could see he was trying so hard not to be mad at me, to be calm and talk things through. Even after what I'd done, he stilled cared about not causing a fuss, about not getting into a fight.
"Andy, I'm so sorry! You have no idea! I was drunk, and, I don't know, vulnerable? I guess I felt bad for him, or something like that, bit I regret it. I promise Andy, you're the only one I love, the only one I could ever love!" He gave me a weak smile and opened his mouth to respond when the waitress returned with our drinks. She kept eyeing Andy up and as she put our drink on the table she made sure to give him a good view. That irritated me, like fuck. He didn't even looked disgusted. I guess that was life. Everyone seemed to love anyone but me. Even with Andy, even though I really had believed he'd loved me, he didn't. Surely he wouldn't have said what he did if he had loved me...
The waitress left and I sat there, staring at my Coke. Then Andy spoke up. "What do you mean vulnerable?" His words froze me.
"Well, I just...I feel as if you don't love me. Like you can't love me. Because loving me is wrong. I'm nothing, I'm just a stupid, worthless man-whore who can't even love. Or be loved." I could sense him tense at my choice of words, turning what he said against him.
"Ashes!" I looked up and he looked almost hurt, shocked. I had to admit though that his use of my nickname did give me a warm feeling. "Of course I love you! And I really didn't mean what I said. I was just cross, I never wanted to hurt you or to make you feel like that-"
"Don't blame yourself," I cut him off "I guess I've always been like this."
"Even still! I should never have said that. Look, I'm not going to lie Ashes, what you did hurt me. A lot. And it's going to take a lot of time to fulling trust you again, but believe me when I say that I love you." I sighed slightly and just took a sip of my drink. He did the same and we just sat there in silence for a while, neither of us needed to say anything to the other. When we'd finished our drinks we headed back to the bus. As we walked there I thought about what he said. He said he loved me! A part of my told myself it couldn't be true, but I knew deep down it was. There was something about how we were together that made it clear we were right together. Then, just as we reached the tour bus, I remembered; I never said I loved him back.
"Andy," I started and he stopped, turning to face me. "I love you, too." He smiled such a broad smile and pulled my into an embrace. We just stood there for ages, holding each other close. He pulled away and tilted my chin up so he pressed his lips against mine and as we kissed suddenly all our problems and worries seemed so pointless. None of it mattered. Nothing mattered as long as I had Andy. My Andy.
Title: Lyrics from Black Veil Brides - Never Give In (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEuNZA2xyG0)
It wasn't until I heard the tour bus door slam shut behind me that I realized I'd stopped running - I'd been too lost in my thoughts - and was right by the bus, which Andy was running out of! I was definitely not ready to talk to him, not after everything. I needed to calm down, to think, before I did something I regretted. I picked up the pace and started running again, but Andy and his damn gazelle legs caught up with me fairly quickly.
He reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me back and stopping me escaping. I turned around and glared at him. "I don't want to talk!" I hissed at him, and regretted it when I saw the hurt in his eyes. Well, screw him! He hurt me first! I knew it sounded childish, but he did, and it upset me.
"Well, tough luck." He was definitely a lot stronger than he looked, something I learnt as he grabbed my arm and pulled me into a cafe we were stood near. It wasn't until I entered the cool, air conditioned cafe that I noticed how hot it was outside. Andy pulled me over to a table in the corner and I sat down sulking. "Look, Ashley...We have a lot we need to talk about. What you did...what I said..." He trailed off as a waitress came over to our table. Bleach blonde, too much fake tan and makeup, not enough clothes. The sort of girl I would have hooked up with in the past. But that was the past, and right now she couldn't look any less appealing.
The girl took our orders -neither of us were hungry but you had to order, so we each just got a Coke - and whizzed off to get our drinks. Andy's attention returned to me. "As I was saying, we need to talk. And be mature about these things." I could see he was trying so hard not to be mad at me, to be calm and talk things through. Even after what I'd done, he stilled cared about not causing a fuss, about not getting into a fight.
"Andy, I'm so sorry! You have no idea! I was drunk, and, I don't know, vulnerable? I guess I felt bad for him, or something like that, bit I regret it. I promise Andy, you're the only one I love, the only one I could ever love!" He gave me a weak smile and opened his mouth to respond when the waitress returned with our drinks. She kept eyeing Andy up and as she put our drink on the table she made sure to give him a good view. That irritated me, like fuck. He didn't even looked disgusted. I guess that was life. Everyone seemed to love anyone but me. Even with Andy, even though I really had believed he'd loved me, he didn't. Surely he wouldn't have said what he did if he had loved me...
The waitress left and I sat there, staring at my Coke. Then Andy spoke up. "What do you mean vulnerable?" His words froze me.
"Well, I just...I feel as if you don't love me. Like you can't love me. Because loving me is wrong. I'm nothing, I'm just a stupid, worthless man-whore who can't even love. Or be loved." I could sense him tense at my choice of words, turning what he said against him.
"Ashes!" I looked up and he looked almost hurt, shocked. I had to admit though that his use of my nickname did give me a warm feeling. "Of course I love you! And I really didn't mean what I said. I was just cross, I never wanted to hurt you or to make you feel like that-"
"Don't blame yourself," I cut him off "I guess I've always been like this."
"Even still! I should never have said that. Look, I'm not going to lie Ashes, what you did hurt me. A lot. And it's going to take a lot of time to fulling trust you again, but believe me when I say that I love you." I sighed slightly and just took a sip of my drink. He did the same and we just sat there in silence for a while, neither of us needed to say anything to the other. When we'd finished our drinks we headed back to the bus. As we walked there I thought about what he said. He said he loved me! A part of my told myself it couldn't be true, but I knew deep down it was. There was something about how we were together that made it clear we were right together. Then, just as we reached the tour bus, I remembered; I never said I loved him back.
"Andy," I started and he stopped, turning to face me. "I love you, too." He smiled such a broad smile and pulled my into an embrace. We just stood there for ages, holding each other close. He pulled away and tilted my chin up so he pressed his lips against mine and as we kissed suddenly all our problems and worries seemed so pointless. None of it mattered. Nothing mattered as long as I had Andy. My Andy.
Title: Lyrics from Black Veil Brides - Never Give In (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEuNZA2xyG0)
I love this story! :D
4/1/15