I tried to be happy for them, I really did. But the whole time all I could think was why not me?! Why did he choose Andy over me? What did Andy have that I didn't? For so long I had been trying to hide my feelings, been trying to keep them inside and ignore them, but seeing Ashley with someone else, it hurt me so much. I'd loved him for as long as I could remember, but he clearly didn't feel the same way. I tried to laugh it off, act like I was happy for them, when all I wanted to do was cry. Normally I was the happy, bubbly person, but not right now. Jake and I had made a bet about whether or not they would get together. I'd said they had, but had always hoped I was wrong. I didn't want to win the bet, I didn't want to be right, but I was.
Here I was, sat pondering over Ashley. The guys were inside a bar, but I just couldn't drink and stay happy around them, seeing Andy and Ashley would make it too hard to not cry. I'd told them I needed to go outside for some fresh air, but I'd been out here for a good 20 minutes. I guess they were too drunk or too hyper to really notice (or care) how long I was gone for. Just as I was getting up to leave, I heard the bar door open. I turned to look and saw Ashley stood there. Oh Ashley, why are you so perfect?
"Hey, CC. You alright?" He walked over to me and rested one hand on my shoulder. I stared into his honey brown eyes, they were so beautiful. He was so beautiful, but he'd never be mine; he didn't love me, no-one did. I nodded my head at him, smiling weakly. He probably would have believed I was OK, if it wasn't for the single tear that rolled down my cheek. "Oh, CC! You're not alright!" He pulled me into a hug and held me tight against him as I cried into his shoulder. He made quiet shushing noises and stroked my hair. I wished he would hold me like this forever, but eventually he pulled away. "What's the matter?" He asked, the concern seeping into his voice.
"I...I...just...It's...I..." I could barely speak, I was sobbing so much. "This, this, this guy I like," Ashley knew I was gay, he was the only one who knew though, and he never told anyone. "But, he, he likes someone else. It's just, hard, you know?" Ashley pulled me back into a hug and we stayed like that for a while.
"Hey, do you wanna go back to the bus? The guys won't be back for a few hours so we can have a few drinks and talk, yeah?" He smiled at me, his smile was so perfect and lit up his whole face. I nodded and we headed back towards where our bus was parked for the night.

~Time lapse: 45 minutes~

I was drunk, I knew it. I was incredibly drunk and not think right. So was Ashley, maybe more so. I don't think he could hold his alcohol as well as he made out, or at least had already drunk way too much before we came back here. I knew I was drunk, I knew I wasn't thinking straight, and I knew what I was doing was wrong. Yet it still didn't stop me making what could be the biggest mistake or biggest success in my life. So, whilst my brain was too muddle for me to back out, I took a leap of faith and made my move...


Title: Lyrics from Bullet For My Vallentine - Tears Don't Fall (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWxqd90-XWI)