Worlds Collide

I looked at the clock beside my bed and saw that is was about 11, I guess I should get up, I'm so not used to drinking this much. I checked my phone and I had a text from jinxx
'scored last night, don't know if I'll be home today, I'll let you know.' Great, maybe I should invite ash over, he did say I should text him, ugh I'll text him after Advil. I grabbed some cereal and Advil and shoved both down my throat as quickly as I could.
'Hey Ash, it's JJ you wanna come over jinxx hasn't come home yet and I'm bored.' I quickly texted him and put my phone on the bench, ran upstairs and got changed . I went back downstairs and checked my phone.
'I'll be over in 20.' He said that about 15 minutes ago so hopefully he'll be here soon. I went on my phone and checked social media, no photos of the guys last night, that's good, hopefully there will never be any. I heard the roar of an engine and a knock on the door. I quickly looked in the mirror and smoothed my hair and fixed my makeup then opened the door. "Hey Ash." I said and hugged him
"hey" he said mid hug, I released him and motioned for him to come inside. "So, what do you want to do?" He asked "ummm, dunno wanna just talk for a bit."
"Yeah okay." I took him up to my room and turned on some music. "So tell me about you."
"What do you want to know?" I asked
"how about we play twenty questions?"
"Okay let's do it, you go first." I said
"Okay... When did you have your last boyfriend."
"ummm probably about a year ago."
"okay, um, why is you nickname JJ."
"Because my full name is Jordan Jay."
"do you have any tattoos?" He asked
"yes"
"how many?"
"three."
"can I see them?"
"Okay so I have three birds on my shoulder blade, I have a semi-colon on my finger and I have the quote hope is fatal on the inside of my arm."
"What do they mean?"
"the birds are for my family, one for my dad, one for jinxx and one for my mum."
"okay, okay." He said nodding slightly
"the quote is lowkey a tribute to Jinxx and also it's something I believe and the semi-colon is a mental health thing." "Mmmm... What mental health thing."
"ummm well I have anxiety and depression."
"oh"
"yeah." I said looking down and twiddling my thumbs
"Are you okay now?" He asked placing a hand on my shoulder
"I'm better."
"Okay you ask me a a question now." this went on for a while, Ashley made me feel better, we 100% asked more than 20 questions.

"Would you rather have a terminal illness or die tomorrow?" Ashley asked, my head is resting in his lap as he plays with my hair "die tomorrow." I said closing my eyes
"would you rather... Lose your parents or you friends." I asked "well I'm gonna have to say parents cause they're already dead."
"Oh my god I'm so sorry I had no idea." I said opening my eyes to meet his, "that's okay, it was a long time ago, anyway my turn, would you rather... Move out tomorrow or live with your brother forever."
"Live with Jinxx."
"now that confuses me, why."
"I know this sounds stupid but at the moment, i don't want to know what I'll do if I'm alone."
"Okay, fair enough."
"Okay would you rather have one long term relationship or lots of one nighters." I asked
"right now, long term." He said, which kinda surprised me. "I'm getting bored." I said
"Mm same, what do you wanna do?" He asked, we sat there for a bit thinking about what to do when both our phones buzzed
'come over to andy's and bring swimmers' I saw the text from Jake "did you get that message too?" I asked Ashley as he was looking at his phone, "yep, well you wanna go?"
"I mean I guess, but I don't want to swim."
"oh come on, for me?"
"no."
The truth is I don't want anyone to see my body, I'm really self conscious, I am by no means fat I'm just not happy with how I look. I don't like my big thighs little muffin top, bikinis seem to highlight those two things "just bring swimmers and we can have this fight later." He said
"fine, come with me to pick some." I said standing up
"Okay." We both went to my drawers and looked through them, "this one." Ashley said laughing holding up the skimpiest bikini I have, "ah yeah no, how about this one." I say holding up one of my favourites "perfect" he said, I grabbed the bikini and some shorts and a muscle tee and got changed in the bathroom.

"Okay let's go." I said walking into the hall where Ash was waiting for me "oh well I was going to ask if you had swimmers but by the looks of it I'm too late" I said pointing to his shorts "I stole some from jinxx."
"Okay," I laughed "we'll take my car, I'll drive."
"okie dokie." He said walking downstairs and I followed.

We arrived at andy's three quarters of an hour later due to Ashley's horrible navigational skills, he knocked on the door and we awaited a response. " hey, you're here." Andy greeted us "the party has arrived." I said doing a little shimmy, Andy laughed and invited us in, he guided us to his back patio, I could see all the guys in the pool drinking beer, "hey JJ." Jinxx said when he saw me "hiya." Fuck everyone in this band has an amazing body, shit my body sucks. I could see Ashley over at one of the beach chairs taking his shirt off, fuck he looks amazing too. Fuck it I'm not going in, I sat on a chair and checked snapchat. "Come in JJ, the water is so nice." CC said trying to be friendly
"hey Andy do you have any towels I can borrow?" I asked trying to avoid going in, "yeah in the hall cupboard, cant miss it."
"Okay thank you."
"can you grab a towel for me too." Ashley called
"yep" I said back. I went inside and stood in the hall leaning against the wall, don't cry, I want to go in, but I can't, fuck don't have a panic attack, I could feel tears falling down my face, I tried wiping them away but they kept falling, I fucking hate myself Im crying over going in a fucking pool. I'm so pathetic "JJ? Are you okay" I could hear Jakes voice, at least it's him and not anyone else, I felt his wet arms wrap around me "it's okay J you don't have to go in, I'll sit out with you."
"no I have to go in Jake."
"no you don't."
"yes I do because they all want me to go in and I have to prove to myself that I can do it"
"hey I know this is about you being self conscious but you are perfect JJ and if they judge you, which they won't cause there is nothing to judge we'll leave."
"Okay."
"Okay, go into the bathroom and wash your face and I'll meet you out there in a minute."
"What are you going to tell them?"
"I'll just say you were on the phone."
"okay." Jake walked back outside and I could hear him talking to the boys, I went into the bathroom and splashed my face with water and dried it off on the towels I got from the cupboard, okay I don't look like I've been crying. I went outside and put the towels on a chair, "you coming in?" I heard Jake say "yep" I sat down on the chair and took my shoes off and put them to the side, I stood up and took of my shorts, folded them and put them on the chair, fuck I can see ash staring at me out of the corner of my eye, I crossed my arms over my body and pulled my shirt over my head and quickly slid into the pool between and sat between Jake and Ash on the step inside the pool as the others stood up in front of us, ash smiled at me and they all kept talking like I had always been there.

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