Dead and Broken
Take your hand in mine it's ours tonight
After we made our way across the parking lot, we got on the bus to go to our new home. Andy wouldn't let me go the whole way there. I was curled up in his lap the whole time. He kept kissing my hair and pulling me tighter. It was heaven. I think i love this man. I think i do...I curled myself in tighter to him. We kept getting alot of "Awwwwwwwwwwwws" from the other guys. I just laughed. We came up to where we are going to stay, and Andy still wouldn't put me down. Ashley got Andy's bag and my old clothes from the night I ran. We got inside, and Andy put me on the couch. We got everything in, and Ashley, CC, Jake, and Jinxx left. Andy said he was going to go shower, and I was kinda glad. I wanted some alone time. I took in the whole apartment. 1 bedroom, a bathroom, a den, and a kitchen. Smal, but cozy. Then i started to think about everything that's happened. Bradley hurt me, and so I ran. I got hurt, and then I was found. Bradley tried to hurt me again...and Andy stopped him. He;s my hero. But what about my mother? Yes, she's hateful, but it's the alcohol that does it to her. Whenever Bradley gets out of jail...I;m afraid of what hes gonna do to her. I don't want anything bad to happen to her. I'll have to go check on her. As soon as i can walked again, I'm gonna try to save her from him.
I took off the bandages around my wrist, to see the damage. That's nothing...I wish i would've gone deeper..I ran my fingers over them, repeatedly. I like the feeling of the cuts under my fingers. I started thinking about Rick. Every blow to my head. Every kick to my stomach. Every cracked rib, everything. I started rubbing harder, to make them bleed. I want to feel the blood run down my arms again. I started digging my nails in. Fat. Ugly. Stupid. Worthless. Fat. Ugly. Stupid. Worthless. FAT. UGLY. WORTHLESS. FAT. FAT. " Emma? Emma! What are you doing?!" Andy ran over and jerked my hands away from my arms. I screamed at him "NO NO I HAVE TO. I DESERVE IT I'M FAT AND UGLY AND WORTHLESS. I NEED IT." And i went back to tearing at my wrist. I felt the tears running down my face, and the blood down my hands. Andy pinned me down, and sat on top of me. I tried to fight him, but he kept me pinned down. He left go of one arm, and rubbed my cheek. "Emma....Emma honey please calm down. Emma look at me. Please." I looked in his eyes. His bright beautiful blue eyes. All I saw was love. He wiped away the tears on my cheek, and he just looked at me. "Emma...I love you...and i can't stand to see you like this...I just cant." He wiped the blood from my arms off, and then he kissed my cuts. "please Emma...no more. Please." We made eye contact again. "Andy...I love you too." And then we kissed. It was the most beautiful thing in the world. After a while of us just kissing, he got off of me, and he carried me into our bedroom. We curled up together, I in his arms. He sang softly to me.
"Saviour, will be there
when you are feeling alone, oh
a Saviour for all that you do
so you live freely without their harm."
He whispered in my ear "I love you Emma." and he kissed my head. "I love you too.." was alli managed to get out, until i drifted asleep. In my Saviour's arms.
I took off the bandages around my wrist, to see the damage. That's nothing...I wish i would've gone deeper..I ran my fingers over them, repeatedly. I like the feeling of the cuts under my fingers. I started thinking about Rick. Every blow to my head. Every kick to my stomach. Every cracked rib, everything. I started rubbing harder, to make them bleed. I want to feel the blood run down my arms again. I started digging my nails in. Fat. Ugly. Stupid. Worthless. Fat. Ugly. Stupid. Worthless. FAT. UGLY. WORTHLESS. FAT. FAT. " Emma? Emma! What are you doing?!" Andy ran over and jerked my hands away from my arms. I screamed at him "NO NO I HAVE TO. I DESERVE IT I'M FAT AND UGLY AND WORTHLESS. I NEED IT." And i went back to tearing at my wrist. I felt the tears running down my face, and the blood down my hands. Andy pinned me down, and sat on top of me. I tried to fight him, but he kept me pinned down. He left go of one arm, and rubbed my cheek. "Emma....Emma honey please calm down. Emma look at me. Please." I looked in his eyes. His bright beautiful blue eyes. All I saw was love. He wiped away the tears on my cheek, and he just looked at me. "Emma...I love you...and i can't stand to see you like this...I just cant." He wiped the blood from my arms off, and then he kissed my cuts. "please Emma...no more. Please." We made eye contact again. "Andy...I love you too." And then we kissed. It was the most beautiful thing in the world. After a while of us just kissing, he got off of me, and he carried me into our bedroom. We curled up together, I in his arms. He sang softly to me.
"Saviour, will be there
when you are feeling alone, oh
a Saviour for all that you do
so you live freely without their harm."
He whispered in my ear "I love you Emma." and he kissed my head. "I love you too.." was alli managed to get out, until i drifted asleep. In my Saviour's arms.
Update please!
3/17/14