Andrew, The New Kid

I was very displeased to hear that due to some kind of funding, seniors also had to take gym this year. I was excited about being done with it when I was 15 but no. That would be too easy. After gym (which involved a very dangerous mile around the track with Ashley trying to trip me), Oliver and I got in our day clothes and went to lunch. “I swear to my fucking spirit animal”, I grunted, fixing my make up in a compact mirror. “This shit is getting old fast and it’s only the first day.”

Oliver shrugged as he picked at homemade lasagna. “So much for them golden years stories parents tell”, he chuckled. As he lifted a fork of pasta to his mouth, his hand stopped halfway causing my eyes to follow his own.

“H-hey!” Andy beamed, standing before us. “I um...you know, asked to sit with you? And I found you?”

“You sure did”, I nodded. “Uh, sit down I guess.”

Andy took a seat across from us and slammed down a lunch tray that sported fries and a burger. “You’d eat that?” Oliver questioned, pointing at it with his fork.

“Yeah. Why not? Is something wrong with it?”

“I mean, if you have no morals and endorse the disgusting living conditions and treatment of cattle for slaughter who’ve previously had their udders raped for the sake of condiments”, Oliver stated. “Then no, there’s nothing wrong with it.”

“We’re vegan”, I said quickly. “But don’t worry. We’ll just call you Flesh Breath!”

Andy looked to his burger before shoving it away. “I wasn’t hungry anyway”, he muttered. I felt bad. Hopefully he didn’t take Flesh Breath the wrong way. I was trying to be funny.

“So, Andy, you religious?” I asked, reaching into my latex purse. He shook his head no and I smiled. “I am. I’m Pagan. Can I interest you in a tarot reading?”

“Felix”, Oliver pouted.

I swatted at him. “We’re just going to do the Eclipse. It’ll be quick, Oli. Promise.” Silently, I cut my cards into three piles and waited for Andy to pick one. “This is simple. It’s just a little bit of fun insight into what you’re thinking about”, I explained, laying out cards. “Now, you have to do this with me, alright? We’ll be able to figure your question out a little better. What’s your question?”

“Will I-”


“Don’t tell me!” I laughed. Quietly, I picked up the first card. “This is your past”, I informed. “You were troubled, unsure, confused.”

Andy’s eyebrows raised. “This is fake, right?” He questioned.

“Of course it is if you believe it’s fake.”

“Then how do you know that?”

“Know what?” I mused.

Andy blinked at me and Oliver, azure eyes wide. “I went to a Catholic school when I was little and nothing there ever made sense to me. And in junior high, I was picked on mercilessly. How do you know that?”

I smiled to Oliver. “I don’t know”, I replied. “The cards told me.” My hand picked up the second card. “This is your present. You’re stable but still cautious. Probably new kid problems, right?”

Andy nodded. I knew where this was going. I’d given Oliver nearly the same reading when he and I had met. Before I could pick up the third card, a hand came down on the table. “Andy, get some fucking standards!” Laughed who else but Ashley. He flipped his black mane back and smirked at me and Oli. “You’re hanging out with a fucking witch and a gaylord!”

“Oliver isn’t fucking gay, you xenophobic dick”, I barked. “You’re just fucking jealous he could have any girl he wanted here and all you have are the emo freshman girls.”

Ashley winked. “I like ‘em best when they’re not broken in yet”, he said. “Besides, they’re so eager to have an upperclassman take them to prom, they’ll do anything. Like someone else I know-”

“Those are rumours, Pervdy”, I growled.

“Care to make them more?”

I stood up and slammed my hands on the table. “Fuck you. Get the fuck outta my face. Andy, fucking go with him! He’s only here because he fucking wants you on his side. Look! I picked his side for you, Purdy! Are you happy?!”

Andy frowned pathetically as Ashley opened his mouth to hurl something back. “I think I’m just going to go eat in my car”, Andy mumbled, cutting Ashley off. He swung his bag over his shoulder and took his fries-but not the burger- and headed out of the cafeteria. Ashley turned to me looking like a cat about to attack.

“I swear to God, Felix”, Ashley hissed. “Look at what you did! You ran off the coolest guy here since me! It’s no wonder the only other person here who would like you would be a loser like Oliver-”

“I really don’t care who likes me Ashley. Have you noticed that?” I asked. “Or were you too busy trying to suck your own dick to look up and see the obvious?” Oliver reached for me before I realized what was happening but it was too late. Ashley cracked his hand across my face.

“Somebody needs to teach a bitch like you a lesson-”

“Don’t talk to Felix like that!” Cried Oliver.

Ashley stared down at us, Oliver clutching my hips from his seat as I held a hand up to my cheek. “Just what the Hell is a British faggot like yourself gonna do, Sykes? Huh? So quick to jump to her defense but even quicker to back down!” I squeezed one of Oliver’s hands with my free one as Ashley cackled. “You’re fucking pussy whipped dude and we all know it. You’re stupid crush on a stupid whore is pointless. She’s going to dump you for some Satan worshipping dipshit or maybe by some stroke of luck, she’ll use one of her ‘spells’ and get a fucking brain and realize what I’ve been offering her.”

I stared him dead in the eye and gave him the most hateful look I could muster. “You’ve done me wrong, now feel my wrath.”

“Felix”, Oliver pleaded.

“You’ve done me wrong, now feel my wrath.”

“Stupid cunt, you think that shit’s gonna work?” Scoffed Ashley.

I threw myself forward. “You’ve done me wrong, now feel my WRATH!” I barked. Ashley looked genuinely uncomfortable but scurried away muttering to himself. Silently, I took my seat by Oliver again and gritted my teeth as I collected Andy’s cards.

Oliver stared at his food before speaking. “Do you think it’ll work?”

“He believes”, I shrugged. “And that’s part of it. The great thing about the occult is it’s more likely to affect the target if they believe in it too”, I giggled. “Ashley believes. Watch, tomorrow he’ll do his hair wrong and blame it on the Evil Eye.”

“What about the Rule of Three?”

“Hashtag worth”, I murmured, shuffling Andy’s cards. I stopped at the last one. King of Pentacles, a card symbolizing abundance, security, and power (or domination and control if reversed). While Oliver noisily slurped his vegan friendly lasagna, I wondered who Andy’s King of Pentacles was.

Notes

Call it dumb, but I actually frequently use tarot cards to help my friend through her problems. She's a devout Christian and I'm an agnostic theist who just likes pretty Pagan things XD