Home Bound

"General Suicide Commando in dis bitch!" I whispered into my web cam. My friends were online, playing Call Of Duty where we normally joked and thought about life.

"Hey Gen!" replied an English friend, dagger_point.

"What's the talk of the day?"

"What is it always?" laughed jillybean89.

I knew immediately. It was the conversation we had most often. "In case you haven't noticed", dagger began, "we're a Dempsey short."

"Did Thomas do it?" I asked, envious.

"Locked himself in his garage and turned the car on", jilly answered cheerfully.

I smiled. "Glad one of us found peace." I took another swig from a stolen rum bottle I'd found downstairs. This was a habit of mine that was the partial reason I was frequently kicked out of people's homes but I didn't care. They didn't want me anyway. "Idea", I announced. "If you slit your wrists and walked into a big cooler, like a walk in cooler, would you freeze to death?"

dagger and jilly seemed to think about it. "I'd guess so", dagger replied. "I mean, your blood circulation is what keeps you warm? And if it's cold enough, with the lack of blood thrown in too, I'd say it is."

"Try it?" suggested jilly.

"I have enough F's on my report card", I groaned.

"You know, I thought about that the other day", jilly said. "I was so tired when I came home from work. I wasn't enough upset, just tired that it seemed to make sense. I grabbed a knife and just started tracing."

"You'd just wake up in the morning feeling dizzy and washing bloody sheets", I scoffed.

"Well, I know the success rate isn't very high but at the time, it made sense. Like why not? Have you ever cut just to feel?"

"'Emptiness is cleanliness and cleanliness is godliness and God is empty, just like me'", I laughed. Suddenly, my door started to creak open and I rushed to leave COD to pretend like I was asleep for this uninvited stranger.

"Dear God, Ferris", Andy spat. "You smell like alcohol." I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping he'd leave. Go, go, go. "And sit up. I know you're awake."

"No, I'm not", I argued. Andy pulled me up by the shoulders and frowned.

"Yes you are. Now what the fuck was that?"

"Was what?"

"That conversation."

"Daddy", I whined, clutching his shirt. Andy didn't say anything but I could feel the heat from his anger rolling off of him as I hugged him. He smelled nice at least.

"You've been drinking and talking about killing yourself."

"No, I wasn't."

"You're grounded."

"Daaaaddyyy."

"Stop calling me that! And I'm staying in this fucking room until you either tell me the truth or you realize you're too good for that. Those people are toxic."

I straightened up and snatched the rum bottle from him to take a swig. "So it's either fess up and get unwanted help or convince myself to believe a lie?" I hissed after swallowing. "Ballsy, Andy."

"What lie?" he snarled.

"'Yer too goot der that!'" I mocked. "Bull fucking shit. Tell me, just tell me, why the fuck have I been dropped on my ass all the time?"

"Because people are blind to the beauty of the world around them", Andy reasoned.

"You sound like one of your cliche ass fucking songs", I snarled. "If everyone's special, nobody's special." I hit the bottle again. "You know fucking what, Daddy? I know you got it sooo fucking easy, with your stupid art school and stupid band and stupid parents who support you, so I know you think just EVERYTHING oughtta be like that but fuck it and fuck you. The world ain't like that, mate."

"No, I DO get it Ferris", he argued. "Not everyone has a perfect life. My life wasn't perfect. But that doesn't mean-"

"You have no Fucking clue what you're talking about", I smirked. My clock read 3:21. What was he doing up at this time? "You think that because a few 13 year olds called you their saviour that you can save everyone. You can't, so don't bother."

"Don't fucking say that!" Andy barked, grabbing my wrists to throw me back on the bed. "You have no clue what those fans have shown me and I see a lot of those things in you. I have every right to be concerned about you."

"Oh Daddy", I laughed. "The world's overpopulated with dipshits. If you let me do this, we'd be one person closer to ending overpopulation. You're not selfish, are you, Daddy?"

"Stop calling me that! And no, you're selfish for thinking any of that shit helps. There's a starving kid in Africa right now who'd love to trade lives with you and you're just throwing it away."

"At the end of the day, he's still a starving child and I'm still a creature that's hit a wall", I giggled. "I can't trade with him so it doesn't matter. I'm tired of circles, Daddy."

"You're a person wwith a life and life is beautiful", Andy said firmly. "I'm not letting you destroy art."

"So is this what's called art now?" I laughed. I was interrupted as Andy knocked the air out of me with his body, smashing his lips into mine. My arms were still pinned so the only thing I could do was reply to his actions, hungrily biting his bottom lip as he straddled me. Something about him was sincere. I couldn't remember sincere touch.

"Don't ever let me catch you talking about this again", he whispered, "I deal with this shit more often than you think." His words were venom, tracing mine with each word he muttered against them like it'd help me remember. "You are important and you have a place in this world. You need to find it, is all."

"I am important and I have a place in this world", I repeated softly, brushing my lips against his.

"Don't squander it." He was begging. Andy was pleading with me before I kissed him again. Everything slowed down to a dream like state, slow kisses and carefully chosen words about the beauty of living rather than the romance death had promised. Andy nipped his way down my jaw to my neck before popping up. "Ferris, you're bleeding?!" he gasped. "What did you-"

"Clam down, Daddy", I snickered. It kind of ruined the moment but it gave me a clear head. "It's just a period." Last month, in another foster family, I'd had a boyfriend. Despite being on birth control, I was still convinced the cancer was there and was happy to see that no, I wasn't pregnant.

"Gross", Andy scoffed, letting me up.

"I know, I was expecting it like tomorrow", I giggled. While he changed the sheets, I stumbled into the bathroom to put in a tampon. After washing my hands and coming back, I saw Andy climbing into my bed.

"What's this?" I asked, climbing in to. Andy slipped himself around me, warm and tight, before answering.

"I kind of have my own problems too", he murmured, kissing my hair. "Maybe we can snuggle our problems away?"

"Alright", I agreed. That got me another smooch. Andy whispered sweet things to me until he fell asleep while I stroked his arm. It was nice being next to someone, mixing with warm fuzz of alcohol with the fuzz of a long hug. This was the best dream I'd had in a while and-shit.

I'm so fucked up, I kissed my engaged foster dad. What would Mommy Deatest think when she woke up and found us together?

Notes

So I feel like this is shit but the whole adoption concept in itself is shit. Please excuse errors; I wrote this on my phone D:

If it's too insufferable, I'll take it down and write this part anew