Warped

ACE



We were blissfully eating pizza when the band came back in. They all raced to the bathroom, except for Andy who looked remarkably annoyed. He even snapped at some of his band mates before turning his attention to us. “And just what the Hell have you guys done?” Andy demanded.

King held up his crust. “Chilled? You should too! C’m’here, lad!”

“You come in here, spit up phlegm on our stuff, order pizza but don’t bother to share, and you haven’t bothered to clean-”

I stood up and smushed my finger into his chest. “YOU don’t say SHIT to my band”, I snarled. “You came in here, mad for no reason. O’Club offered to order you pizza. And why should we clean when it’s not our pad?”

“You’re living here now so technically, it is your pad!”

“It’s a place to crash”, I corrected. “And why are your knickers suddenly in a twist?”

“He’s been screaming since we got offstage”, CC explained quickly, trying to pull Andy away. “He saw someone with a sign saying we suck.”

“Well, you do”, Joker laughed. Andy roared. “All of your songs sound the same. You just preach the same message about anti bullying over and over again”, the blonde shrugged. “If the kids are too stupid to learn to stand up for themselves, then why waste your time on them?”

“Joker”, Jack whined.

“No.” Joker stood up and lit a cigarette, disregarding Jinxx telling him not to. “It’s the truth”, he continued, marching up to Andy. “This is just a shitty emo band we got stuck with whose only worth comes from their washed up, Motley Crue and KISS concept. You don’t save lives. You write nothing original. You overcharge kids for handshakes and call it a meet and greet. You’re a cheat, a shitty musician, and an even worse person.”

“Get the fuck off my bus!” Andy yelled.

“Only if you can make me”, Joker smirked. “And even if you got rid of me, your lech of a bassist won’t get rid of Ace. I seen how he was ogling her.”

“Ashley wasn’t checking out your whore-”

“Excuse me?!” I interjected. “I’m a whore? Who’s the fucker walking around with Batman logos tattooed on him singing love songs geared towards 12 year old girls? If I’m a whore, then you’re a fucking creep!”

“Bat Creep!” Jack snorted.

“Haters make me famous”, Andy shrugged. “At least I’m in a place where people recognize me enough to make such accusations-”

“And he just went MySpace 2007”, Joker scoffed.

I got right up in Andy’s face, though an appalled CC was still trying to pull him back, either Andy away from me or me away from Andy. “Listen here, you fucking Bat-Creep. You’re only on your holier-than-thou platform because misinformed children with no developed music taste and no understanding of originality put you there. You’re worshipped for regurgitating the same lyric to a different tune and selling it as a saving grace for the misfits. You’re nothing. Your band is nothing. And just what makes you think you can call yourself a true musician when you hang with the likes of Bryan Stars and Ronnie Radke? You’re a wannabe Nikki Sixx who can’t even write a shitty song with a good story behind it.”

“You fucking bitch-”

“I’m going to bed”, I shrugged. “See you guys later.” Without another word towards the over dressed freak, I marched to the back room on the bus and locked the door. I threw myself on the door as one of the faggots declared that they’d be calling Pamela, one of the tour managers that had made this little arrangement, only for Joker to come back with “not if we call her first.” I growled and pulled my phone out of my vest pocket to play a bit of the Prodigy before the door was kicked in.

“Get the fuck off of my bed!” snarled Bat-Creep.

I coughed up a loogie on the pillow next to me. “Fucking make me, sugar tits.”

Andy screamed, his face going red as he charged at me. “DAY FUCKING ONE AND I’M ALREADY DONE WITH YOUR SHIT!” he wailed, scooping me up. I was thrown over his shoulder, Andy yowling as I dug into his arm with my nails and pulled down. “HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN STILL HERE?!”

“Put my fucking singer down!” Joker demanded.

“Lads, let’s just relax and have a drink”, King suggested lamely.

“You come onto our bus, tell us we’re shit, try taking over our shit- if you fucking kick me in the jewels, you’ll be off this tour before you can say ‘God save the Queen’.”

“The Queen can lick my clit and so can you!” I snapped, swinging my leg into his anyway. A loud crash interrupted us and I was swung around like a ragdoll as Andy spun around. From behind his hip, I could see everyone on the bus staring at Jinxx who had slammed the front door shut.

“Everyone. Calm. The fuck. Down”, Jinxx commanded. “Andy, Ace. Down.”

“No, she’s leaving”, Andy hissed.

“Right after you, honey”, I barked back.

Jinxx glared. “Put her down, Dennis. Everyone on this bus needs to chill the fuck out.”

“I suggest a round of shots!” King proclaimed, reaching for a bottle of bourbon.

“No.”, Jinxx shook his head. “No. Drinking is the last damned thing we need right now, genius. Ace and Joker, leave my vocalist alone. Andy-Andy I said PUT HER DOWN!”

Andy slid me off his shoulder onto the couch where he sat next to me. We sat like kids being lectured by their dad.

“Andy, leave the Cards alone. Everyone, leave whoever’s not in your band alone. Now, I’m going to open this door. We’re all leaving. We’re all going to take a walk. We’re all going to relax. In an hour, we’ll meet back here so when the buses roll out, we’ll be good to go. Got it?”

“Whatever”, grumbled Ashley, who had locked himself in the bathroom. Joker and I exchanged looks, smirking at each other before letting ourselves off first. Jinxx gladly saw us out and everyone else followed. The Brides each went off by themselves but those of us Cards stayed together. Once we were out of ear shot, Jack began giggling.

“OmiLord, did you hear the gobshite?!” he cackled. “‘Haters make me famous!’ Who the fuck even says that anymore?!”

“Dipshits like them”, Joker grinned. I linked arms with JJ and tried directing him through the buses. “And that one guy?! Pretending he knows everything? Hex or Curse or whatever?”

“Their band so sucks”, Jack laughed. He threw his arm around my neck and sighed. “You alright there, Spade? Bat-Creep didn’t mess you up?”

“I can handle a scrawny twig like him”, I answered.

King nodded. “You remember that one time she laid out that bitch in Glasgow? Who was like twice her size? Bat-Creep might be taller but that’s the only thing he has on her.”

“I dunno. He’s almost prettier than me”, I joked.

“Nobody’s prettier than our Ace!” Joker scoffed.

“The key word was almost”, Jack pointed out. We all laughed before we marched down to the concession stand for a few rounds of beer.

Notes

Oh, look I updated! And it's crap! Yay!