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Warped

Chapter One

ANDY


Though it was an honour to have a traditional punk band like Tricky Cards on our bus, I was also terrified. For as good and raw as they were, they were every bit as destructive. The band was known for its expensive taste in liquor and destructive partying (we’d already agreed that there would be no blow torches on the bus as that was one of the many implements used in their own bus’s demise). We’d talked a little around Warped so far and Danny had been kind enough to translate their thick Gaelic accents into American English for us. The only one I hadn’t met though was Ace.

“Now let’s go over this again, gentlemen!” Jake said, doing his best impression of a pre-game football coach. “There will be a girl on this bus. And we will not let her bring her girly habits on with her. We are MEN! And we do men THINGS! That being said, Ashley, no trying to pick her up. Jinxx, you gotta try not to piss on the floor-”

“And you gotta stop leaving your shaved pubes on the toilet seat”, Jinxx scoffed. “C’mon man, she’s just a person. And if she hangs out with those guys, she’s probably used to farting and armpits.”

“Your mom is used to farting and armpits”, Jake muttered. “Everyone will be designated 15 minutes in the bathroom per turn. You may not spend 30 minutes in the bathroom and call it two turns. Andy, you have to take shorter showers.”

“Jake, you have to stop leaving pizza crust out where ants will get it”, I reminded him.

“Do you wants ants?” joked CC. “Because that’s how we get ants.”

“You Archer watching gay lord!” Jake laughed. “If they bring Scotch, don’t offer them Jack. It’ll be an insult to their people.”

“They’re just Scottish!” Ashley chuckled. “It’s not like they’re from a different planet.”

“They are! It’s so fucking cold over there and the guys wear skirts and they eat fucking boiled sheep stomaches!” Jake protested. “Who does that?!”

“Scotsmen”, Ashley coughed. Jake opened his mouth to continue but there was a knock on the door.

“Gents, veni, vidi, vici”, Jake whispered, tiptoeing to the door. “Hey! You must be Tricky Cards!” We watched as he stepped aside for two mohawks, a studded leather jacket, and the prettiest shade of blonde hair I’d seen since Brody Dalle.

“Tricky Cards we are indeed!” proclaimed King K. He was wearing a very formal, victorian suit with lace cuffs on his blouse and a red crushed-velvet vest. “If I may introduce ourselves for those of you who haven’t met everyone; Joker, Jack, and Ace.”

Ashley nudged me so I leaned a little into his shoulder. “Best pair of tits all tour, huh?” he whispered. I smiled back. Fucker knew I was dating Juliet so what was this shit?

“So where are we sleeping?” Joker questioned, walking right past everyone on the couches. “I like this bunk.” Without a word, he coughed up a wad of phlegm and spat it out on CC’s bed. “Mine.”

“What the Hell was that?!” CC wailed.

Joker shrugged. “Marking my territory”, he smirked. “Want it back?”

CC frowned and mumbled something like “I’m good.”

“Good”, Joker said.

“So when do you guys go on?” Jinxx inquired.

“Just got off”, Ace stated. “Hoping to shower and get a pizza. We might party with Pierce the Veil afterwards.”

“OmiGod! The tequila Tony Perry has on that bus!” Jack gasped. “Have you guys tried it? That shit’ll knock you on your fucking arse!”

CC laughed. “Sure thing, man. Have you seen All Time Low’s never ending stash?”

“Alex Gaskarth is a damned twit”, Joker hissed. “The gobshite’s a fucking priss-”

“He ain’t that bad”, King argued.

“He yelled at me for using hair gel-”

“That was his hair gel you stole-”

“I got more hair than him!”

“If you’re going to argue, then I’m gonna fucking shower”, Ace snapped. She grabbed a duffel bag and headed for the bathroom. Ashley went to follow her before hearing the door’s lock click into place.

“She knows”, Jake whispered ominously.

“Knows what?” Joker demanded.

“Ashley’s a pervert”, I scoffed. Joker folded his arms angrily.

“Don’t. Touch. My singer”, he growled. “Ace ain’t here to be another piece of arse.”

“If she has any self respect, she’ll stay far, far away from him”, Jinxx snickered. “Hell, I know I do.”

King plopped down on the couch across from me and Ashley. “Well, do you laddies want pizza?” he asked. “I want something with bacon. You guys have great bacon.”

“Sounds good”, I agreed. “We have to go on soon.”

“Should I wait to call?”

I shook my head. “No, that’s fine”, I smiled. “We should be back in less than an hour. If you order now, that means the pizza should be at the perfect temperature before we get back. Not too hot, but not too cold.”

Jake ripped me off the couch. “Alright, Goldilocks. Let’s go”, my guitarist said. I shrugged. We all rushed to fix our hair and makeup before heading for the door. “See you in a bit!” Jake wailed. We waved and stepped off the bus, everyone crossing their fingers that nothing bad would happen while we were gone. “That Joker’s a dick”, Jake muttered.

“Good. So are you. Discuss your new found friendship over dinner”, CC retorted, steering Jake to the stage. I held back a laugh and tried my best to get my game face on for the show. Today was an important date; Juliet would be performing with us.

Notes

Story redo!

Comments

@Chrys
Ya know what? Just for that, I'm going to try typing up a not-shit chapter right now! :O

DayTripper DayTripper
1/2/17

Really hope you continue the story!

Chrys Chrys
12/30/16

Question... Bat-Creep?
I'm guessing that's meant to be Tricky Cards nic name for Andy.
I just noticed in the last paragragh he called himself Bat-Creep in his head? Or am I getting confused...
Otherwise good story so far. Good to have strong personalities, but remember, so do BVB.

tina tina
4/10/16