Novocaine Hearts

Lexa's POV

"So like this" Jake instructed on his guitar.
I copied his finger placement.
"Then this."
I nodded.
"Then this."
"Okay, I think I got it."
"Awesome. It will better your technique, trust me" he said tapping my arm.
"I oddly do..." I trailed.
"Why oddly?"
"Jake... my whole life I have felt out of place... for some reason I feel like I fit. I don't know, does that sound crazy?" I said, a little confused with myself.
We had been on the tour a week now and myself and Jake had been spending a lot time together. It was different spending time with him than it was with my bandmates. They all knew me inside out. They knew my problems and how I was limitless. Jake didn't; he couldn't judge me... yet.
"Okay... so I'm crazy... I-I'm gonna have a smoke" I said getting up awkwardly and stumbling out of their bus.
I fumbled with the lighter, trying to get the smoke to ignite.
"You're not crazy" Jake said as he exited the bus after me.
"Yes I am. You don't know me" I said taking a drag.
"I may not, but you're not crazy. I get it. The whole feeling like you don't fit" he said a little lost for words. "I think that's why a lot of us are here, cause we don't fit."
"Jake... you don't get it. I've been an outcast my entire life! And... when I say I trust someone I expect them to feel honoured. It took so long for me to trust my band. No had ever tried to help me, ever. I wish I could tell you everything..."
"Then tell me everything. Spending this past week with you, trying to get to know you, but you're not letting me in. You have to let people in" his buttery voice said. He came close to me and took one of my hands in his.
"I don't let people in."
"You've said. Just tell me one thing about you, then I'll leave you alone till tomorrow" he toyed, flashing me a smile.
I looked up into his eyes, the setting sun making them look like melted chocolate.
"Jake, you can't tell anyone. Only my band knows these things."
"Cross my heart, open my mind" he laughed.
"Quoting your own lyrics, cute" I giggled. "Okay, umm. Something about me... I never knew my parents..."
I waited for a moment and watched the information sink into Jake's mind. His expression dulled and sympathy appeared.
"Why?"
"I don't know... my guess is my mom was young and couldn't keep me, so she gave me up. I was in foster care my entire life. It kinda fucked me up."
"Did something happen to you?" He asked, holing my hand a little tighter.
I took another long drag of my smoke and blew it away from Jake. "A lot happened to me. When I was 9 my foster dad liked to beat me and rape me on occasion. I couldn't do much about it for a while..." I choked. I felt a tear drop over my cheek.
"Lex... I didn't think it'd be anything like that..." he said in shock. His arms wrap around my shoulders, but I tried to wriggle out.
"Exactly, you didn't. I shouldn't have told you... fuck..." I said pushing him off taking another huff of my smoke.
"No, Lexa, I'm glad you told me. It makes me feel closer to you. I want you to be able to tell me things."
"Why? I'm broken beyond repair."
"Cause I think I like you."
I was taken aback.
I had never heard those words come out of anyone's mouth. Well, not out of a guys mouth.
I had never had a boyfriend. There no guy in the world that ever saw me as anything more than a one night stand. I used to sleep around so much and it made the term 'boyfriend' not exist to me.
Part of me wanted to say that I liked him back, but I didn't know how. I knew I felt different when I was with Jake, but this was an unknown path. Like turned into love and love can turn into a lot of things...
"Lexa!"
I turned to the direction of the voice and it was Saxon.
"We have start leaving for the next town! Let's go!" He shouted at me.
I nodded at Saxon then returned to Jake.
"I have to go. Umm, I'll talk to you tomorrow. I do wanna talk about this" I said going up to hug him. His arms wrapped around me and I could feel the heat coming off his body. I didn't want to let go.
"Today Alexia!" Saxon yelled.
I kissed Jake on the cheek and let go. "Thank you for tonight. The lesson and the ear" I said giving him a small smile and walking towards Saxon.
"You couldn't give me 5 more minutes?" I said irritated by his intrusion.
"We have to go. We follow a schedule in case you've forgotten."
"Oh no, I could never forget the schedule. You and Nate like to keep me fenced in" I said rolling my eyes.
"Well you spend all your time with Jake and you might miss things" he complained.
"Like what? A signing? A meet and greet? I haven't missed one yet and you're acting like I have! Seriously, the cage isn't needed!"
"We're not caging you, we want you to be focused. You hardly spend time with us."
"Yeah, well, it's nice someone else is paying me some attention. And honestly, it's nice to have a break. I've spent the last 10 years of my life by your side and I need space!" I spat. I couldn't believe how inconsiderate Saxon was being.
"Of your life?! Are you kidding?! You owe us for saving your life! Multiple times! Don't blow it now Lexa, or I swear to God!" He steamed in frustration.
"Swear to God what? You'll kick me out? You wouldn't. Why can't you see that I'm not who I was anymore?" I said trying to calm his temper.
"People don't change, why should you?"
"Because I have! I have been clean for 3 years. I'm better than I've ever been. This tour makes me want to be level headed. I want to prove that to you guys. And for some reason I like spending time with Jake. He said that he thinks he likes me... I've never had that before..." I said quietly.
"He likes you?" He said, surprised by the statement.
"Yeah, and I think I like him too."

Notes

Please leave comments and happy reading.
-Tina xx