Novocaine Hearts

Lexa's POV

I spent another two weeks at Ashley's Malibu house. It was the time that I needed to be alone and work on some new material.The others didn't come back up to visit me. I think I made them all very uncomfortable. Especially Ashley and Riley. I still don't get them.
Anyways, after a while I got bored and decided to leave this west coast paradise and trade it for the east coast one.
After Warped, Nate journeyed to Miami to chill out by himself. Trying to get away from all the drama of me and Parker. I couldn't blame him, I mean I could see the worry in his eyes when he watched me board my flight for LA. He called me everyday for a week.
Now I was joining him, hoping to work some things out and pray that my heart was strong enough to deal with reality.

"Lexa!" Nate yelled when he sighted me walking out of my gate.
"Oh my God Nate!" I said, running up into his arms. "You didn't have to meet me!" I said in surprise when he pulled away.
"Like I wasn't going to meet you! We've never spent this long apart. I was so worried about you!" He stressed.
"Well I'm fine. Malibu was beautiful. It was just what I needed" I sighed.
"Glad to hear it. So how'd you go being on your own? You know..." He asked as we started to walk towards baggage claim.
"I think I did alright. When Ashley and all that came up I asked them to take all the alcohol with them when they left. I'm still sober. Didn't have a drop" I confirmed.
"I'm so proud of you Lex" Nate said hugging me to his side. "I can't believe that I thought you would fuck this up. I feel so bad."
"Oh come on Nate. Don't feel bad. I'm the obvious bet; why wouldn't I fuck things up?" I shrugged.
"But you didn't. Anyways, are you ready to get back into it?" Nate continued.
I groaned. "Do I have to? I don't know if I can..."
"Look, Saxon and Parker flew out here last week. Parker feels really bad for what happened. He doesn't want you to be mad. He wants to move past this."
"And I do too; for the sake of the band. I just don't know" I shrugged sadly.
"Just come over to the house. Maybe you'll be okay" Nate smiled reassuringly.
I weakly smiled back.

"Hey guys! Look who's here!" Nate announced as we walked into the main area of the house.
Saxon stopped doing push ups and smiled at me.
"Where ya been Lex? It's been weird without you" he said as he bear hugged me. I scrunched my nose at the smell of his sweat.
"And you need a shower" I commented.
Saxon laughed and shook his head.
"Where's PJ?" Nate asked, sounding annoyed.
"Umm, he might be upstairs. He's been working on new stuff all day" Saxon said, as he headed into the kitchen, just off the main area and grabbed a pre-made smoothie out of the fridge.
"I might go up and say hi. Might be easier if I just go..." I said to Nate.
"Okay" Nate nodded and lightly touched my arm. "You're gonna be okay."
I smiled back and made my way upstairs.
Every step I made, my heart quickened. The thought of seeing Parker again was making me anxious. I had no idea what has been going on with him.
My thoughts were running wild by the time I reached the second floor, but then I heard music... and lyrics...

this pain, the price
I wasn't willing to fight
your love, was there,
but I... I shouldn't have said forever,
because forever ends here

"Parker?" I interrupted when he stopped to write down the chords.
"Lexa" shock was written all over his face. "Umm, I-I didn't know you were coming..." he stammered.
"Oh, Nate just picked me up. He said you guys were here."
"Yeah... Been writing a lot. H-how much did you hear?" His nerves making his voice shaky.
"Not much" I said, waving it off. "But I would like to talk... If that's okay?"
"Of course, have a seat" he said, quickly jumping up to remove a stack of papers, piled on the only other chair.
"Thanks..." I mumbled. "Umm, I've never had to do this, so here goes, ummm. I-"
"Sorry, can I-" he paused "I have to tell you this..." he paused again.
"Okay..." I nodded.
"Umm, when we got off tour and we went home it... it wasn't the same. I started missing you like crazy and living in our place made things so much worse. All I wanted to do was call you and hear your voice, but I couldn't. I realise now what a big part of my life you are and I can't let it go... Lexa, I'm still in love with you."
I think my heart stopped beating after the last sentence. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I knew it was going to be hard coming back to reality, but this is not what I expected. I expected fights and anger, not a lovesick sop. But as he said in his own lyrics, forever ends here.
"Please say something" Parker said after a minute of my silence.
"Sorry... I'm just trying to understand this... Are you trying to say you want to get back together? Cause I don't know..."
"I understand if you don't right now, but I miss you so much" he continued, moving his chair closer to mine and taking my hands in his. "I'm so sorry I put you through hell. I'm sorry I fucked everything up. I should have just talked to you instead of breaking it off."
Every word he spoke was like a little jab to my heart. I would have killed for him to say these things on Warped. We could have fixed things then.
"Well you can't take back the things you said" I whispered, my voice threatening to crack as tears pooled.
"I know! I'm the biggest fuck up" he said, placing a hand in my face to wipe a tear off my cheek. His lips were so close. "Please, please give me another chance." His face seemed to inch closer.
"I-I-" before I could say anything further, his lips touched my mine and it was like I woke up.
fireworks and explosions of every kind were going off inside me. My stomach felt light and my heart was racing.
I missed the way his lip piercings graze against my skin as we kissed. I missed the way his hands touched me. I missed everything.
I felt Parker smile as he pulled away from me. "I love you so much."
"And I love you too, but this... can't happen right now" I panicked, pushing his hands off of me and stepping out of the room.

Notes

I am so so so so so so so so soooooooooo sorry this took forever.
I have been very busy and very stressed. I literally have had no time for this at all. I literally wrote this up in the last hour cause I haven't posted in probably a month.
But in that time I've worked a lot. I've had friend stuff going on. Boyfriend stuff going on. I've had concerts. I met and saw Pierce the Veil. I saw Andy Black. And I recently came back from interstate to see Simple Plan which was the best show ever. I was meant to see Bring Me The Horizon tonight, but the show got cancelled last minute due to Oli having an infection, rendering him unable to sing.
So yeah, thats what has been going on.
If you want, help me wrap up this story cause I have no idea...
Please comment cause it has been too long and I'm in need of inspiration.

-Tina xx