Novocaine Hearts

Lexa's POV

"Hey! Nate! What the hell man?" I called as I followed him out the bus.
Nate had already stalked half way across the lot. I could see the lines of worry radiating out of his fists.
"I need some space Lex!" He called back.
"No! Wait up!" I huffed, jogging after him.
I eventually caught up to him and made him stop.
"What's up?" I questioned.
"What's up? What's up? That's all you can say?! Two of my best friends have been fucking for over a year and none of them thought to tell me!" He raged. "What is this gonna mean for the band?! Huh?! What the fuck happens if you guys break up? Are you gonna break up the band?!" He continued. "I have worked too damn fucking hard for you to fuck it up! I have put myself through hell getting us here! And for what?! For you to fuck it up! Like you always do!" He said with a certain sadness in his voice.
"Nate... I don't mean to fuck anything up... Me and Parker are in it. We've kept it from everyone cause we thought it would be easier. He helped me do something I thought I'd never do. You can't say I've fucked up. Not this time" I said, reaching out for his hands. "I love him and I'm not gonna fuck it up. Please Nate, you know I would never hurt you! You're my brother and I love you. Everything you've done for me. Every time you guys pulled me out the gutter, every time you listened to my horror stories and every time we wrote a song that was magical! We're always gonna be there for each other. I'm asking you to please trust me" I said looking into his eyes begging for a chance.
"You promise? You swear on your life, on Parker's life, that you're not gonna fuck this up?" He said sternly.
"I swear Nate. This has been your dream and you've got it. I would never take it away from you" I said, gripping his hands tighter so he knew how serious I was.
Nate sighed heavily, closing his eyes and arching his neck back.
"Come on, our set is soon. Let's nail it" he sighed again and started to walk back towards the bus.
I smiled at my small victory.

"So, what did Nate say?" Parker asked at dinner.
"He's worried" I shrugged.
"Worried? Why?"
"He thinks I'm gonna fuck it up... Like I always do" I sighed.
"Hey" he said dropping his fork and reaching for my hand. "You're not gonna fuck this up. We're fine. We're perfect. Seriously, don't stress over what he said" Parker reassured me.
"But what if I do?"
"Lex! Stop it! I won't let you. I'll talk to him. Let him know that we're not screwing this up."
"I think Nate would kick me out of the band if I ruined this."
"You are not getting kicked out of the band."
I felt myself getting anxious; my stomach was doing flips, making me queasy.
"I need to go have a cigarette" I said quietly, taking my hand out from under his grip.
I exited the tent and sat outside on the asphalt.
As I puffed on my cigarette I watched the smoke raise into the air and disappear. Maybe that's what I should do; disappear.
But I couldn't do that to Parker. I loved him so much. I could never be who I am without him.
And I couldn't do it to the band. Nate may have worked hard, but so have I. I have written some amazing songs. The band wouldn't be the same without me.
"Want some company?" A voice said.
"Hmm?" I said, my eyes shooting open and looking towards the voice.
I saw choppy dark hair and perfect cheekbones. Ashley.
"Oh, hey Ashley... Umm sure if you want" I said gesturing to the ground.
Ashley sat across from me and smiled. "So why you out here by yourself?"
"Just thinking" I said taking another drag.
"About?" He questioned.
"Stuff. The band, my life, you know" I shrugged.
"I heard about what happened this morning. Jake is really sorry about that..."
I scoffed. "He called me a liar and a whore. He can tell me himself. Why did he send you?"
"Oh, I wasn't asked to talk to you. I just wanted to see how you're doing. Jake should come and apologise, for sure. I mean, we all make mistakes though..."
"I really don't need to hear it from you" I said narrowing my eyes at him. "I seem to be getting lectured today. I mean, yes, I have made a lot of mistakes, but at least I can admit it!" I said, my body becoming tense. I sighed and tried to relax, I wasn't mad at Ashley. "I'm sorry, just, a lot has happened today. Nate and Saxon found out about our relationship today and it could have gone better..."
"See, that's the problem with having chicks in bands."
I glared at Ashley. "It's not like that."
"I know, I'm just teasing. Trying to make you feel better. You guys have known each other for a long time. I get it" he shrugged.
I gave him a small smile. "How's Riley?" I asked, changing the topic.
"She is... hmm... you know, I think she is just in LA working at the bar" he mused, unsure. "Her schedule is always everywhere, but I don't think she's working on any projects at the moment."
"Yeah, she said was was over touring and wanted a break."
"Yeah, it gets like that. I'm glad she's home though. Hopefully she'll stay there when I get home."
I smirked "I knew you guys weren't spending much time together! Such a workaholic" I said shaking my head.
"I know right! Oh my God, there's always something! Can never catch a break."
"It's good though, isn't it?"
Ashley thought about it before he answered. "Yeah... I mean, a career like this wasn't her first choice. I think she actually thought we would have a family, but it's not possible. So this all happened instead."
"Why isn't it possible?" I asked, curious.
"Oh... Riley can't have kids. There was an incident that we don't speak of and it screwed her up. She needed projects to keep her mind off of it. So, that's what happened."
"I-I didn't know that... wow. She's pretty closed off isn't she?"
"Yeah... Sometimes I wonder if she's happy..."
"What?! Of course she's happy! She loves having a career. I can't see her as a Mom" I shook my head at the thought.
Ashley chuckled then sighed. "Anyways, I'll let you enjoy the rest of your cigarette in peace. Just wanted to check in and make sure you're okay. Can talk to me whenever" he smiled then got up and left.

Notes

thoughts?
-Tina xx