They Can't Stop Us From Our Freedom

It was a long night without him. They didn’t come home before three in the morning so I decided to go to bed and hope that I didn’t have another nightmare. I found out later the next morning that they had gone out and returned at the crack of ass just in time to leave for the next city. Andy never came to the bunk that night which surprised me because he respected my space and slept on the couch. Of course, he decides to respect my decision as soon as I don’t want him to. I woke up with the sense of loneliness and painful hollowness inside myself. I never thought being without someone could hurt so much.

I decided to swallow my pride, suck it up, and go lay down with him. Everything hurt with or without him, but a little less when I was with him.

“Andy, I changed my mind,” I whispered, “I want to be with you. I can’t be alone, I need someone to be there for me. It all hurts so much; I just don’t want to be a burden to you. You can calm me down so fast and--and I love you,” I started crying. There it goes, all my safety is gone, I am vulnerable now.

“Shh, Windy, it’s okay. I will always be here for you.” he said sleepily as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. “Ever since the first day I met you, I knew I wanted you. I saw you standing there with Sydnee and Lindley and I couldn’t take my eyes off of you, you’re the most perfect person I’ve ever met and I can assure you you’ll never be a burden to me. I love you, Windy and I never meant to hurt you; we all mess up sometimes and I just need a chance to make it up to you.”

“I love you too Andy, and I know you never meant to do anything wrong, it’s just everything happening at once is so much and I can’t handle it all.”

“I know, hun, it’s going to be okay though, I’m here for you, the band is here for you, Lindley and Sammi are here for you; you have a family right here.”

“I know...what are we Andy?” I said asking one last time to make sure we were on the same page.

“We’re whatever you want us to be, you’re the one hurting right now, this is not my decision to make for you.”

“I love you, and Andrew Dennis Biersack would you have the honor of being my boyfriend?”

“Yes, Windy Mayra Lewis, it would be my pleasure.” I swear that was the best kiss we’ve ever had.

After that I fell asleep in his arms and we slept until we arrived at the next city.

“Oh great, what happened now,” Ashley said as he walked in on us sleeping on the couch.

“Mmm what do you want Ashley go to bed,” Andy groaned.

“Andy, It’s 2.” Lindley said coldly, “Windy, can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Ugh, alright coming,” I said tumbling off the couch and following her back to the bunk section of the bus.

“Windy, what the fuck happened last night?” she asked as soon as I arrived to the back of the bus.

“One more shot, I think he can really do it this time. I was too detached last time but we sealed the deal we are 100% exlusive.”

“Okay I trust your opinion, I’m leaving today after their set and speaking of sealing the deal I think it’s time to finally do that with CC,” she said excitedly.

“AHH LINDLEY YES I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!! He’s a great guy I’m sure you’ll be perfect together!”

“Wish me luck, we’re headed to lunch right now before I leave.”

“Oooohhh have fun, I’ll see you la--” CC cut me off.

“Lindley seriously hurry up we need to go.” he grabbed her hand and pulled her to the front of the bus.

“Well, looks like the two lovebirds are off and the rest of the guys went to get lunch which means we can do whatever we want right now.”

“Like what?” I asked.

He came closer and grabbed me around the waist. Flashbacks to the night with Matty came flooding back. He grabbed me forcefully. The bruise on my hip, that’s what it was from. I tried to push him off but he wouldn’t move. “Don’t worry baby you’ll be just fine.” He pushed me out of the park and picked me up to go to the bus. Then it went black and I pulled away from Andy.

“Windy? Are you all right? What just happened?” Andy asked frantically.

“I--I don’t know, just-just don’t touch me.” I started shaking.

“Windy,” he reached out and I slapped his hand away.

“I said don’t touch me.”

“What’s going on? Did I do something?”

“It’s Matty, I remember what he did, or what he started to do. I don’t want to remember, I’d rather have it out of my mind. Why me?” I started crying and sat down on the bunk.

“Can-can I sit?” He asked hesitantly making sure he didn’t trigger anything.

“Yeah, I guess so. I guess there’s nothing I can do to stop the memories from flooding back. I just don’t want to have to make you wait. But the more bad memories attached to sex the less I’ll be able to do it without breaking down.”

“Windy, is this what all of this is about? You’re worried about making me wait for sex? I’d never make you do something you don’t want to do. My job is to protect you and not hurt you any more than I already have. I love you and I don’t care if I have to wait months or years. I want you for you and not your body. Trust me, waiting is not a problem as long as I have you.”

“Andy?”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t think that I’d ever be able to open up to someone like this, so please don’t hurt me. It takes a lot for me to do this and I’m really scared right now.”

“I won’t do anything to hurt you, I swear.”

“Can we stay in tonight and just be alone together?”

“Of course.”

I forced Andy to watch every twilight movie that night making sure he stayed awake through all of them no matter how terrible they were. It was the best night of my life, I really loved him, and I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. What made Andy so different? I was so closed off to him before and I don’t even know why.

The next few days continued on like this. We would go to sleep together, wake up together, I’d go work at the merch booth and then go watch his set from backstage. We would either go out or stay in depending on where we were. Life was good for awhile and then I met Ash Costello from New Years Day.

Out of the corner of my eye I see a girl with long red and black hair venture into our booth. Their booth was right next to ours for most of the tour but I‘d never thought that she’d just casually wander in.

“Hey uhh you, Andy’s girlfriend I think, do you happen to have any extra sharpees that we could use over at our signing?” she asked in a hurry.

“Umm, Andy might have some let me check,” I replied, “You’re Ash Costello right?” I said as I bent down to go through Andy's backpack.

“Yup that’s me. Word around is that you’re Andy’s hot new girl, that true?”

“Yeah that’s me,” I laughed as I pulled out two sharpees, “Is that enough?”

“Yeah that should be good, but damn you’re so lucky in this tent, its super cool what the hell we’re all suffocating in our booth. I’m coming to hang out in here afterwards.”

“Oh uh yeah we have that minifan going. I thought it didn’t do much but apparently it makes a difference. I wouldn’t know I haven’t been in any other booths.”

“I’ll see you in like a half hour, I’m gonna chill with you. I gotta get to know my fellow females on this tour. There may be few of us but we own this shit.” She high fived me.

“Yeah…” I said awkwardly. The girls here were so much different than the ones I was friends with in high school. They don’t act feminine...at all. Maybe it's because she hangs around guys and I've always hung around girls. It’s so strange but I’ll get used to it.

A couple minutes later I heard someone whisper my name from behind the booth.

"Pssst Windy," the voice said.

"Who's there? You can't be here."

"Relax, it's just Lindley coming to say bye. Their set time got changed and I have to get to the airport right now unfortunately. They changed it to 4:15 just in case you needed to go see it."

"Oh yeah thanks, how'd it go with CC by the way?"

“Umm yeah about that...instead of ya know, talking, we uhh ya know, did other things. Well, we did a lot of talking at lunch but nothing concerning our status,” she blushed.

“LINDLEY YOU’RE NOT EVEN EXCLUSIVE YET AND YOU DID THAT?!”

“Yeah, but he hasn’t gotten with anyone on tour without me and I haven’t gotten with anyone back at home so I assumed it was safe, I don’t know, we started kissing, then making out and then all of a sudden we were naked in the bunk.”

“So what’s gonna happen now?” I asked a little disappointed that she would do that. I mean, she was still a virgin before CC came along. And not to mention, he’s over thirty and we’re only 18, well she’s 19 but that’s seriously so gross.

“I’m coming back in two weeks and we’re gonna figure it out.”

“Alright, I’m gonna keep an eye on that boy, I don’t need you getting hurt.”

“Speaking of getting hurt, be careful Windy, I still don’t trust Andy. I was talking to CC and he said that Andy has always been a player, especially on tour where he can just hook up with a girl and then never see her again. Don’t worry about keeping an eye on CC, worry about Andy okay?”

“I will, I promise. I’ll see you in two weeks and I’ll update you on EVERYTHING this time I swear.”

“Okay love ya Windy, be careful, please I don’t need anyone calling me telling me that something happened to you.”

“I know, I know I love you too Linds, have a safe flight.” We hugged and she left the booth.

Just as Lindley was leaving, Ash returned. She was wearing a leather bustier with thigh highs, pumps, and leather short things. They weren’t really shorts. They were more like underwear but she could definitely pull them off.

“Yooooo Windy!” She gave me a low “bro-five”.

“Hey Ash!” I said hesitantly high fiving her back. That was something I’ve never done before, interesting. I liked it though, it was so much more relaxed. As soon as she stepped into the room I felt like I could just be myself and not have to pretend to be someone I’m not, I felt oddly comfortable. Not like the comfort I feel with Andy, with Andy I still feel like I have to be something but Ash made me feel so calm.

“So, tell me about Andy, it’s been awhile since I’ve talked to him, how is he?” She asked.

“He’s good, I think, it’s been rocky so far but we’re, we’re gettin’ there…” I stumbled through that line quite a bit. I don’t really know why.

We talked for a little longer and soon it became like we were best friends who had known each other forever. Soon it came time to go watch Black Veil Brides’ set and she offered to come with me.

After making our way through millions of fans, our hands slightly brushed and a tingling feeling rushed up my arm. I pulled away immediately.

"Oh whoops sorry Windy didn't mean to hit you!" She said after noticing my quick reaction to our hands touching.

"No, no it's totally fine, it just surprised me." I quickly lied. What was that?

Andy spotted me and Ash right as we got back stage.

"Oh my god Ashley! It's been so long! How are you?" He hugged her. I felt a pang of jealous, but not because Andy hugged her, but because she hugged him. What? This is new for me...Probably just friend jealousy I suppose. "Windy I see you've met Ashley, so great that you guys are friends, you finally have another girl friend on the tour and not to mention you're meeting new people which is amazing," he hugged me too and then kissed me.

"Wait why do you call her Ashley and not Ash?" I asked him. I'd never heard anyone call her Ashley.

"Oh, I have no idea we met so long ago I can't even remember."

"Yeah me neither," she added.

"ANDY YOU'RE ON IN 2 MINUTES!" His manager yelled.

"Alrighty guys, gotta go it's time, wish me luck."

"Good luck, I love you." I kissed him but it felt different. It wasn’t special anymore.

“You guys are so cute,” Ash said as he walked away.

“Yeah I don’t really know what I’d do without him, he’s saved me from so much.”

“I totally get you.”

We watched the set for a couple of songs before she asked me to go out with her and some of her girl friends to this one club. She said it was her favorite so I agreed to go and it seemed like a good opportunity to get to know a few other girls. They were probably all like her so I’d most likely like them. However, it was my first time going out without Andy since Matty and I was a little worried but she didn’t really drink either so it seemed like a good idea to go with someone like her. I said it seemed like a good idea, not that it was a good idea.

Notes

Ash's outfit: http://www.polyvore.com/ash_ch_23/set?id=156228965
i'm back to finish up this story finally. sorry its a filler right off the bat but i needed to set up the situation before we get to the real action.

Never Give In, Never Back Down
~Hailie