Twisted

-Eli’s POV-

I stood there, marveling at the beauty of the gracious notes coming out of Andy’s lips. All of the guys were wearing a neon green of sorts in honor of Annah. When Annah died a few months ago,tour was put on hold because of how CC was. He sunk into a depression, not a harmful one, but one in which you feel empty and like you don’t have both halves of your heart, which in reality was true. He couldn’t handle it, nor himself. He shut everyone out for a good two or three weeks, sulking and mourning over Annah. He keeps blaming himself because she died next to him, but I know that Annah wanted to die. It was her time and nobody was going to take it from her. She was a stubborn person afterall.

So, here we are now, four months after her death, back on tour, remembering her. Believe it or not, the support CC and I are getting from the army is incredible. I do remember though, one fan asked why CC and I had grown so close after her passing. In truth, I’m not sure why we did, but I feel as though she was the one who made CC the only one to comfort me and me the only to comfort him.

The pain is unbearable sometimes. One day I’ll think that I’ve grown used to her not being here, but other days I yearn for her to be here. I wake up expecting to find her sitting in the window seat, a cup of coffee in one hand and a book in the other. I expect her to ambush me, jump on my back, and steal my snapback. Yet, no matter how hard it gets, I never cry over her because I know exactly what she’d say. “Suck it up, asshole. You’re fucking Elijah Andrew Reese, the dope designer, beast fashionista, and the best fucking big brother ever imaginable.” She’d then jump on my back and give me an awkward bear hug.

Before I know it, the guys walk off stage after their show. I congratulate each one of them on a great show, CC being the last one to compliment. He looks at me with that vacant look in his eyes; he’s thinking of her. “I miss her a lot today, so much that I can’t fucking hold it in anymore.” I then do of the only thing I can think of, I encase him in a hug.

“I know,” I said to him, patting his back. Something about this moment just makes it too realistic and too raw. I let CC go and shake my head. “I can’t do this right now, I’ll be back later.” Quickly, I walk away toward the back of the venue, busting through the door into a vacant alley. As soon as my feet hit the asphalt ground, I break down. I cradle my head in my hands, leaning into the wall. Sucking in a breath, I release it shakily, tears slowly making their way down my cheeks.

“Please come back, Nah,” I whisper under my breath. In the next instant, I’m kicking and punching the brick wall, letting all the bottled up emotions flow out in every thrash. The dull sound of my fist connecting with the solid force is nothing to be good, but in the moment it feels right. Already, I feel blood trickling across my raw knuckles, burning them slightly. I throw my head back, releasing a scream into the brisk cold air of the night.

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I still watch over them you know. They’re the most important people to me, and I do regret moving on sometimes, but I like it here. Every question that I’ve ever had I get to find the answer to, every problem I know how to solve. You know, for an atheist, I can say, fate works in magical ways on earth, but people wouldn’t know because they’re too quick to judge.

Now, I won’t lecture you on not judging people, but what if the cure to FUCKING CANCER is in the mind of a person who is declared mentally unstable, or the figure of peace is in a dictators. Like seriously, if someone told me they had the cure to FUCKING CANCER I would tell them “Hell yeah, let’s do this! I ain’t gonna die now fucktard!”

Then there’s this thing, it’s really weird because I know what’s going to happen to my loved ones and the world at that. Now, I can’t specifically say, apparently that’s “classified” but I can tell you this. They will move on and learn to live without me. Eli will honor my life in any way that he can think and CC, CC will find love again. He’ll find someone to, no, not replace me, but mend his broken heart. Love his broken self and keep him afloat, yet grounded at the same time. That’s all I can ask for, I only want happiness for my boys.

They’ll find their Great Perhaps as I found mine.

Notes

I felt as though you guys needed an addition, just to set you at ease.

In case y'all were wondering, I am still writing. A great deal, in fact, I'm working on a piece/story that I want to publish when it's finished and edited.

If any of you want to keep in touch, or something of that sort, my tumblr is open! http://farbeyondnormal21.tumblr.com/ Feel free to follow, stalk, ask questions, or completely ignore!

I love all of you very very much and hope everything is beautiful in your life! Yours truly, Maggie <3