Twisted
Unnamed
-Annah’s POV-
November 18, 2013
The more I think about my situation the less and less I think of reasoning. I’ve almost lost my life unintentionally once before to this fucking disease and I’m not going to let it get to me. Then this… this thing growing inside of me; nothing good can become of either of us. If I carry the baby, I can’t have chemo and chemo is what saved me last time. If I can somehow make it past the nine months without chemo and still have the baby, what if they’re born with a birth defect because of me? That would be my fault. But CC keeps bringing up the idea that I’m more important than the baby right now, and that we can have others in the future. That seems like the only reasonable idea right now. I know that I won’t be able to carry this baby and not go through chemo, because I won’t allow myself to go into surgery. Some things just don’t make that much sense, especially since I don’t have Eli with me. I mean he’s in the hospital with me, but he’s not physically with me.
I don’t have my rock anymore, and I can’t make one out of CC because he’s never here due to touring. I mean, he tries to fly back whenever he can, but he’s on the other side of the world. He can’t do it all and I keep telling him that, but he just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get that at the moment, he’s not the one I need; not right now.
I tenderly set the fountain pen and close my journal, wrapping the leather strap around the binding before locking it into place back on the front. Lying back on my pillows, I glance around the white and grey tiled floors and cream colored walls that is my hospital room. I stretch my arms and legs, yearning so badly to get up and walk around but according to my doctor, I’m not in the right physical form to be up and moving. I roll my eyes at the thought. Who in their right mind can tell me what I can do and what I can’t? I mean seriously; the man’s an inconsiderate dick anyways. No matter how much of a dick he is, he’s right for telling me I’m not supposed to be moving around.
I’m pulled from my thoughts at a piercing tension in my abdomen; a cramp no doubt. “Fuck,” I mumble as I lean forward, both arms over the cramping area. I close my eyes and press my lips together, the rest of my face showing signs of pain. I suck in a breath, holding it, and then slowly releasing it to ease the pain. Out of all the symptoms of pregnancy cramping the only one that tortures me.
I turned my head toward the door as I hear a gentle knock from the door frame. “Doesn’t it suck to be preggers? I mean, ‘cause I would know.” He joked. A smile erupted on my face as a nurse rolled Eli gingerly in the room. I threw back the blankets resting on my legs and swung them over the side of my bed. “Hey, whoa, missy, sit your ass back down in that bed.” I ignored him, yanking the IV out of my arm and ran over to him. I engulfed him in a hug, thankful that my oxygen tubes were long enough to reach out of the bed.
“Oh my god,” I said breathlessly. “I missed you so much, Eli.” Tears fell down my cheeks and onto his shoulder as his hands rubbed my back.
“I missed you too,” He kissed my forehead like he always does, flashing a bright, exhausted smile. “Now, come on we both know what happens what happens when you stand while you’re pregs.” I rolled my eyes at him and walk along side his wheelchair back to my bed. As I settled myself back into the blankets a nurse ran into my room, panic written across her face.
“What happened? I saw something went flat,” she rushed to my side, examining me. She exhaled deeply when she saw that it was only my IV. She put the needle back into my arm and instructed me to keep it in no matter what until further notice. I agreed not to rip things out of my body anymore and she left.
Eli laughed and shook his head, “You’re always been a terrible liar.” I punched his arm, as leaned back into the pillow, catching my breath. “Now do you know why they tell you not to move around too much, Annah?” He had a wicked smile plastered on his face and he took my hand in his. “So, how are you? I haven’t seen you in a while, even considering we’re in the same place.”
He doesn’t know yet, only the baby, I thought. I bit down on my lower lip, “I’m still me, kinda, if that’s what you’re asking.” I said, my voice wavering, “How about you?” I said quickly changing the subject.
“I’m getting there. Minor concussion, broken leg and collar bone along with a few fingers; small case of whiplash and had to get stitches for my head, fucking glass found its way into my skull.” He laughed lightly, easing the tension. I nodded, averting his eyes as I thought about how I was going to tell him. He leaned slightly in attempt to get eye contact but failed. I could feel his eyes on me as he saw how pale I was, and why I’ve been the hospital for more than a month if I was pregnant. “It’s not just the baby is it, Annah?” He squeezed my hand gently, drawing my attention back to him. “What else is it?”
This is your chance, take it! I yelled at myself. “No, it isn’t.” I took a deep breath, squeezing his hand and keeping constant pressure on it. “The cancer is back…” I trailed off, looking back up at him.
He ran his free hand through the side of his auburn hair before dropping it back in his lap. He nodded slightly, sighing heavily. “Alright, same game plan as last time. Right?” I nodded, biting the inside of my cheek. “I’ll see if the nurses can move my room closer so I can be here with you, okay?” He ran his thumb over my knuckles, “I wish I could give you a proper hug right now. Not just for you, for me too.”
“Eli, if I want to keep this baby, I can’t do chemo, which is good because I hate it, but I can’t not go through it because of my… issues with surgery.” He furrowed his eyebrows together as I motioned down at the vertical line that ran up the inside of my forearm. His mouth shaped into an “O” as he understood.
“Well, how are we going to do this then?” He said we, not me, we like it was his problem too. He interjects himself into my problems and helps me carry the burden, being the perfect supporter that I need.
I opened my mouth to say something, but cut off my words to another pressure in my abdomen. This one wasn’t like the ones I’ve been used to though. I felt more like a stabbing pain then a slight tearing at my insides. Neither of them sounds very appeasing, but I would rather take the tearing pain over his one. I leaned over, clutching and clawing at my stomach.
“Annah?” Eli said, alerted by my actions. He leaned toward me and set a hand on my back as he pressed the red call button to get the nurse. He stroked my back soothingly, “Breathe, Annah, just breathe. It’s okay to be, the nurse is on her way now. It’s okay…” He trailed off leaving the room to silence as my brain screamed in terror.
Another rip of pain erupted, even worse than the first one; bad enough to make a shriek leave my mouth. I squeezed my eyes closed, my breath coming out in small, rapid puffs. “Annah, you’ve got to let the nurse help you.” Eli’s voice reached out to me. I looked up to see a nurse bending down next to me and just past her shoulder was Eli. I was too caught up in the pain that I didn’t realize she was there. Another nurse rushed in, and drew the curtain around my bed, blocking my sight from Eli. After that it was if I was trying to look through a piece of clay to see what was happening.
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I slowly came to my senses and felt a heavy weight on my hand. I lifted my eyelids and rolled my head to the side to see Eli still by my bedside. “W-what are you still doing here?” I said, feeling completely exhausted.
“I figured you’d still want me here, and hell after what just happened I’m not leaving unless I have to.” He raised a corner of his lips to attempt a smile, and squeezed my hand gently.
“Wha-what?” I looked at myself, confused until I became aware of a slight throbbing that was slowly disappearing in my abdomen. I started to shake my head in the slightest bit. “The baby?” I asked hopefully. I expect to hear him say the baby was fine or something along the lines of that, but I didn’t get anything. He squeezed my hand again, and I looked up at him to see him shake his head in response to my question.
November 18, 2013
The more I think about my situation the less and less I think of reasoning. I’ve almost lost my life unintentionally once before to this fucking disease and I’m not going to let it get to me. Then this… this thing growing inside of me; nothing good can become of either of us. If I carry the baby, I can’t have chemo and chemo is what saved me last time. If I can somehow make it past the nine months without chemo and still have the baby, what if they’re born with a birth defect because of me? That would be my fault. But CC keeps bringing up the idea that I’m more important than the baby right now, and that we can have others in the future. That seems like the only reasonable idea right now. I know that I won’t be able to carry this baby and not go through chemo, because I won’t allow myself to go into surgery. Some things just don’t make that much sense, especially since I don’t have Eli with me. I mean he’s in the hospital with me, but he’s not physically with me.
I don’t have my rock anymore, and I can’t make one out of CC because he’s never here due to touring. I mean, he tries to fly back whenever he can, but he’s on the other side of the world. He can’t do it all and I keep telling him that, but he just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get that at the moment, he’s not the one I need; not right now.
I tenderly set the fountain pen and close my journal, wrapping the leather strap around the binding before locking it into place back on the front. Lying back on my pillows, I glance around the white and grey tiled floors and cream colored walls that is my hospital room. I stretch my arms and legs, yearning so badly to get up and walk around but according to my doctor, I’m not in the right physical form to be up and moving. I roll my eyes at the thought. Who in their right mind can tell me what I can do and what I can’t? I mean seriously; the man’s an inconsiderate dick anyways. No matter how much of a dick he is, he’s right for telling me I’m not supposed to be moving around.
I’m pulled from my thoughts at a piercing tension in my abdomen; a cramp no doubt. “Fuck,” I mumble as I lean forward, both arms over the cramping area. I close my eyes and press my lips together, the rest of my face showing signs of pain. I suck in a breath, holding it, and then slowly releasing it to ease the pain. Out of all the symptoms of pregnancy cramping the only one that tortures me.
I turned my head toward the door as I hear a gentle knock from the door frame. “Doesn’t it suck to be preggers? I mean, ‘cause I would know.” He joked. A smile erupted on my face as a nurse rolled Eli gingerly in the room. I threw back the blankets resting on my legs and swung them over the side of my bed. “Hey, whoa, missy, sit your ass back down in that bed.” I ignored him, yanking the IV out of my arm and ran over to him. I engulfed him in a hug, thankful that my oxygen tubes were long enough to reach out of the bed.
“Oh my god,” I said breathlessly. “I missed you so much, Eli.” Tears fell down my cheeks and onto his shoulder as his hands rubbed my back.
“I missed you too,” He kissed my forehead like he always does, flashing a bright, exhausted smile. “Now, come on we both know what happens what happens when you stand while you’re pregs.” I rolled my eyes at him and walk along side his wheelchair back to my bed. As I settled myself back into the blankets a nurse ran into my room, panic written across her face.
“What happened? I saw something went flat,” she rushed to my side, examining me. She exhaled deeply when she saw that it was only my IV. She put the needle back into my arm and instructed me to keep it in no matter what until further notice. I agreed not to rip things out of my body anymore and she left.
Eli laughed and shook his head, “You’re always been a terrible liar.” I punched his arm, as leaned back into the pillow, catching my breath. “Now do you know why they tell you not to move around too much, Annah?” He had a wicked smile plastered on his face and he took my hand in his. “So, how are you? I haven’t seen you in a while, even considering we’re in the same place.”
He doesn’t know yet, only the baby, I thought. I bit down on my lower lip, “I’m still me, kinda, if that’s what you’re asking.” I said, my voice wavering, “How about you?” I said quickly changing the subject.
“I’m getting there. Minor concussion, broken leg and collar bone along with a few fingers; small case of whiplash and had to get stitches for my head, fucking glass found its way into my skull.” He laughed lightly, easing the tension. I nodded, averting his eyes as I thought about how I was going to tell him. He leaned slightly in attempt to get eye contact but failed. I could feel his eyes on me as he saw how pale I was, and why I’ve been the hospital for more than a month if I was pregnant. “It’s not just the baby is it, Annah?” He squeezed my hand gently, drawing my attention back to him. “What else is it?”
This is your chance, take it! I yelled at myself. “No, it isn’t.” I took a deep breath, squeezing his hand and keeping constant pressure on it. “The cancer is back…” I trailed off, looking back up at him.
He ran his free hand through the side of his auburn hair before dropping it back in his lap. He nodded slightly, sighing heavily. “Alright, same game plan as last time. Right?” I nodded, biting the inside of my cheek. “I’ll see if the nurses can move my room closer so I can be here with you, okay?” He ran his thumb over my knuckles, “I wish I could give you a proper hug right now. Not just for you, for me too.”
“Eli, if I want to keep this baby, I can’t do chemo, which is good because I hate it, but I can’t not go through it because of my… issues with surgery.” He furrowed his eyebrows together as I motioned down at the vertical line that ran up the inside of my forearm. His mouth shaped into an “O” as he understood.
“Well, how are we going to do this then?” He said we, not me, we like it was his problem too. He interjects himself into my problems and helps me carry the burden, being the perfect supporter that I need.
I opened my mouth to say something, but cut off my words to another pressure in my abdomen. This one wasn’t like the ones I’ve been used to though. I felt more like a stabbing pain then a slight tearing at my insides. Neither of them sounds very appeasing, but I would rather take the tearing pain over his one. I leaned over, clutching and clawing at my stomach.
“Annah?” Eli said, alerted by my actions. He leaned toward me and set a hand on my back as he pressed the red call button to get the nurse. He stroked my back soothingly, “Breathe, Annah, just breathe. It’s okay to be, the nurse is on her way now. It’s okay…” He trailed off leaving the room to silence as my brain screamed in terror.
Another rip of pain erupted, even worse than the first one; bad enough to make a shriek leave my mouth. I squeezed my eyes closed, my breath coming out in small, rapid puffs. “Annah, you’ve got to let the nurse help you.” Eli’s voice reached out to me. I looked up to see a nurse bending down next to me and just past her shoulder was Eli. I was too caught up in the pain that I didn’t realize she was there. Another nurse rushed in, and drew the curtain around my bed, blocking my sight from Eli. After that it was if I was trying to look through a piece of clay to see what was happening.
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I slowly came to my senses and felt a heavy weight on my hand. I lifted my eyelids and rolled my head to the side to see Eli still by my bedside. “W-what are you still doing here?” I said, feeling completely exhausted.
“I figured you’d still want me here, and hell after what just happened I’m not leaving unless I have to.” He raised a corner of his lips to attempt a smile, and squeezed my hand gently.
“Wha-what?” I looked at myself, confused until I became aware of a slight throbbing that was slowly disappearing in my abdomen. I started to shake my head in the slightest bit. “The baby?” I asked hopefully. I expect to hear him say the baby was fine or something along the lines of that, but I didn’t get anything. He squeezed my hand again, and I looked up at him to see him shake his head in response to my question.
He Slapped her?!?
5/24/15