Be My Bad Boy

“It’s cool. You guys can do what you want."

I folded my arms and thought about this. Would it hurt me in anyway? Like if they got busted, would it wash off on me? Could I deny all knowledge? I was only their manager. Not even a real manager just a tentative one.
"It’s just that?" I asked.
He nodded.
"What about you? Do you…"
He shrugged.
"Now and then but it’s not really my thing. But surely you’ve tried drugs before? I mean, everybody has.”
Before I could answer, a girl ran over and threw her arms around him. In amongst the hugs and screeching, I’d been forgotten.

I leaned against the wall, trying to process this. Jinxx seemed like a pretty nice guy and he wasn’t at all freaked out. As I looked around the room, I realized I was the only normal one here. Someone had put on a DVD and the weird music from the concert pumped through the room. It wasn’t rock like Black Veil Brides played and it sure as hell wasn’t pop. Just seemed like a constant wailing. A couple of girls in hippy dresses danced to it, writhing like snakes with the bracelets on their arms clattering.
And there were two guys helping themselves to food out of the fridge. Just pulling things out and making sandwiches. Even though it wasn’t their house. Who does that? Had they been raised by wolves?
"Hey, it’s the tortured princess."

The girl with the long black hair threw her arm around me. I hate people touching me. And why was she calling me tortured princess? Had Andy called me that? I looked around for him but couldn’t see him. Maybe he was still in the bathroom. That was a nasty thing to call someone.
"Having a good time, princess," she asked then glanced at someone across the room and they both laughed.
"What’s funny?" I asked.

But the girl kept laughing. She looked at me as though she was about to say something then doubled over laughing again.

I squirmed out of her arm and headed to the courtyard, trying to get away from these freaks. I’d get the GPS working on my phone then I could work out a way to get home. I sat on the wooden bench to one side, trying to get a WIFI connection. I had some money in the bank. If I got a cab, I could stop at an ATM and make a withdrawal. It’d be short on money for food for the week but better that than suffering through this night.

The door slid open. I wasn’t in the mood to socialize and I wished whoever it was would go away and leave me alone.
"Hannah. Hey, Hannah." It was Ashley. I think of the entire band, Ashley hated me the most. Or maybe Andy hated me the most and Ashley just copied him. I didn’t even know who hated me the most. I just wanted to go home.
I got up to leave but Ash pulled me back down on the seat.

"Don’t go yet, Hannah. We need to get to know each other."
If he even thought about "getting to know each other" in any sense that involved his body coming into contact with mine, I’d kick him in the balls. This party was shit. I felt like shit. I don’t even know why I was here.
He didn’t move any closer though. Instead he pulled a joint out of his pocket and lit it. He took a deep drag then handed it to me.
I waved it away.

"Oh, come on, Hannah. Don’t rich girls like you do pot? You into the good stuff, huh?"
I nodded my head.
Okay, now I might sound like I’m lame and all goody-two-shoes but I’ve never done any drugs at all. It’s not a moral thing. Well, maybe it is. See, growing up, going to parties all that, I’d had one idea planted in my head.
If you do drugs, you get caught. And, if you get caught, you end up in the papers and that will cause a SCANDAL.

Of course, the "you" in that sentence wasn’t a general "you" but a very specific me "you". See, when you are richer than most people, you are also of more interest than most people. So, I’d grown up thinking a scandal was the thing I had to avoid most. If you had your name in the paper, it had to be in the business section, or the social section. Not the front pages.
“Come on, a tiny tote won’t hurt you. Might relax you a bit, you are all tense."
I crouched on the edge of the seat, my hands fidgeting in my lap. Through the doors, I could see Andy and the black-haired girl watching me and laughing.
Screw them. Screw everyone. I took the joint from Ash and took a big drag on it.
Then I coughed. And I coughed. I thought my lungs would come up my throat and splatter all over the ground. Ashley slapped me on the back.
"That’s the way, Hannah."

I stood up and walked into the kitchen. I had to make my way through all those people but my legs suddenly felt so heavy that I was aware of each movement of each step, each section of my foot rising from the ground. I had to be walking in slow motion but I focused on the kitchen.
Suddenly, everything just seemed so funny. The guy with an earring stretching a big hole in his ear. Hilarious. The girl talking in the high-pitched voice. Too funny.
The world had gone fuzzy and blurry around the edges.
I found a glass and poured myself a water and then wrapped my hands around it as though it were the most precious thing in the world. I made my way back to the couch and sat down very carefully, not wanting to spill my water.

A couple sat on the other couch drinking from teacups. As I watched them pour from the teapot, I realized it wasn’t wine.
"What are you drinking?" I asked, but my voice felt thick and heavy as though it wasn’t coming from me but from somewhere behind a heavy curtain.
"Wine," they answered.

And I giggled because it seemed so clever yet at the same time so pointless.
Then I noticed the cup of coffee I’d not drunk sitting on the coffee table. It stared at me with evil intent. I couldn’t look at it. I had to avert my gaze. If I looked at the cup of coffee, it would know I hated it and didn’t want to drink it. It would draw me in and try to doom me.
Instead I watched the lights on the DVD player. They looked so pretty. I’d never noticed how pretty lights on a DVD player were before. They spelt out words. If I kept watching them, maybe they’d spell out a message…
Jinxx sat down beside me. I felt like we’d merged and become one. He didn’t need to speak, we didn’t need words between us. We could just know each other’s thoughts. He rubbed my shoulder but it wasn’t like his hand and my shoulder but just an extension of each other. Joined together in this wonderful blurry haze.
"Are you okay, Hannah?" he asked.

As soon as he asked that, it all fell apart. I wasn’t part of him at all. That had been a trick. He was there and I was here and my brain felt so confused. I didn’t even know if I could trust him.
I tried to tell him I was fine but the words felt too thick to come out my throat so I just nodded.
"Well, if you need anything, let me know.
Then I thought about it. Why did Jinxx think I needed help? Maybe I didn’t look fine. Maybe I looked terrible. That’s why people kept staring at me. I had something wrong with me.
I should ask someone. But who could I ask?

I reached for the glass of water but my arms had been weighed down with bricks. They weren’t my arms. They were someone else’s. I had to think straight. I had to get back to my sane, rational sense. But all I just wanted was to curl myself into a ball so no one could see me or do anything to me. When I looked up, everyone stared at me. If they didn’t stare, they weren’t staring on purpose.
If I didn’t get out of here soon, someone would talk to me. And I couldn’t let them do that. I had to move without anyone noticing.
There were steps going up to a loft. If I could get up there, I’d be safe. But how could I do that without anyone noticing?
Then the doorbell rang. It was the police. Oh my god, what could I do? I’d be busted. I knew this would happen.

Notes

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