Tear stained cheeks, blood stained sheets
Will you defeat them?
There goes another ruined tshirt, another horrid day. One fill with my nightmares and my shame. Its January now, 17 days from my 19th birthday. Or 8 years to the day since my dad died, or just exactly one year since my abusive mother commited sucide. Ya... I said it, but right now I need to clean up my bloody arm before Macky comes over. As I'm washing away the blood a new song comes to mind...
But see it can't get worse
So why go up?
It hurts when you fall again
No one trusts me now
My life is a torture chamber
I'm already a mess
But what if I'm already dead?
See everything that is in this world
This could be it
This could be eternity
When we die its when we're born
But if we never die
Then we can never live
Then answer me this, what is the value of life?
To die
To not have regrets
live for the second
There is no future unless you make it
Ugh this is how it always is, a little dribble of a song, no beat no music just the simple words. It makes me want to scream. I notice the water is no longer a crimson color and withdraw my arm from the water, the January rain pounding on the roof. Maybe Macky won't come over to day, hopefully she won't. I turn my music on high and play along with my guitar till I hear a faint knocking on the door. Fucking hell... I walk over to the door and open it. I'm greeted by a very wet Andy and Ashley. What the fuck?
"H-hey... c-can w-we t-t-talk for a mo-moment??" Ashley stutters shivering and I nod before pulling them in my little house. I walk into the kitchen heating up coffee before grabbing them towels. Why the fuck are they at my house?
"Hey whats going on??" I ask calmly, fishing sweatpants and sweatshirts out of an old chestnut chest for them. I hand them to Andy and he smiles greatfully before I turn to Ash who is looking at me with hollow eyes.
"You are Death right?" Andy asks and I turn my attention back to him. I nod and he smiles before pulling me into a hug.
"Um why?" I ask managing to get out of his grasp, Ashley looks at me with long and I roll my shoulders.
"Death... well there is no easy way to say this but we- I mean all of us would like you to be our tour manager. I feel stupid for asking now.. and I don't think you know anything about this but your brother Trojan told us about you... I hope thats ok." Andy says nervous all of a sudden and terror strikes my face. N-no...
"H-he r-raped me..." I whisper quietly and immediately both guys tense, before Andy whips out his phone.
"Yes hello?" "Ya i'm fireing your ass!!" "Now get your stuff and get out." Andy growls through the phone before hanging up and smiling at me.
"Yes well he no longer works for us." I just shake my head and plop down on the floor, whistling softly so my dog Beretta comes trotting out. She lays down next to me and I rub her belly. Both guys immediatly drop to their kness, petting her to death.
"What's her name?" Ashley asks and I smile before kissing her paw softly. I got her for my birthday 3 years ago.
"Beretta... I'm quite a fan of guns..." I giggle shyly and both guys nod before turning back to the dog. I'm still thinking about what they said, Tour Manager... I do have a few contacts here and there...
"Death what are you thinkin about?" Ashley asks and I shrug before he grabs my arm. Shit... he saw...
But see it can't get worse
So why go up?
It hurts when you fall again
No one trusts me now
My life is a torture chamber
I'm already a mess
But what if I'm already dead?
See everything that is in this world
This could be it
This could be eternity
When we die its when we're born
But if we never die
Then we can never live
Then answer me this, what is the value of life?
To die
To not have regrets
live for the second
There is no future unless you make it
Ugh this is how it always is, a little dribble of a song, no beat no music just the simple words. It makes me want to scream. I notice the water is no longer a crimson color and withdraw my arm from the water, the January rain pounding on the roof. Maybe Macky won't come over to day, hopefully she won't. I turn my music on high and play along with my guitar till I hear a faint knocking on the door. Fucking hell... I walk over to the door and open it. I'm greeted by a very wet Andy and Ashley. What the fuck?
"H-hey... c-can w-we t-t-talk for a mo-moment??" Ashley stutters shivering and I nod before pulling them in my little house. I walk into the kitchen heating up coffee before grabbing them towels. Why the fuck are they at my house?
"Hey whats going on??" I ask calmly, fishing sweatpants and sweatshirts out of an old chestnut chest for them. I hand them to Andy and he smiles greatfully before I turn to Ash who is looking at me with hollow eyes.
"You are Death right?" Andy asks and I turn my attention back to him. I nod and he smiles before pulling me into a hug.
"Um why?" I ask managing to get out of his grasp, Ashley looks at me with long and I roll my shoulders.
"Death... well there is no easy way to say this but we- I mean all of us would like you to be our tour manager. I feel stupid for asking now.. and I don't think you know anything about this but your brother Trojan told us about you... I hope thats ok." Andy says nervous all of a sudden and terror strikes my face. N-no...
"H-he r-raped me..." I whisper quietly and immediately both guys tense, before Andy whips out his phone.
"Yes hello?" "Ya i'm fireing your ass!!" "Now get your stuff and get out." Andy growls through the phone before hanging up and smiling at me.
"Yes well he no longer works for us." I just shake my head and plop down on the floor, whistling softly so my dog Beretta comes trotting out. She lays down next to me and I rub her belly. Both guys immediatly drop to their kness, petting her to death.
"What's her name?" Ashley asks and I smile before kissing her paw softly. I got her for my birthday 3 years ago.
"Beretta... I'm quite a fan of guns..." I giggle shyly and both guys nod before turning back to the dog. I'm still thinking about what they said, Tour Manager... I do have a few contacts here and there...
"Death what are you thinkin about?" Ashley asks and I shrug before he grabs my arm. Shit... he saw...
6/4/13