One Of The Guys

The next two weeks on tour were horrible. The day after we arrived in London, the magazines and websites were filled with pictures of CC, Andy and my beaten up faces. They came up with so many ridiculous stories as to why we looked like that. It ranged from "SHOCK! BVB Manager Beats Members When They Get Out Of Line!" to; "Terrible Accident On Stages Leaves 3 Members Injured!". Some of the headlines were just plain stupid, like; "BREAKING NEWS! BVB Members Take Their Signature War Paint To New Painful Levels!"​​. And some headlines, well, they were almost correct; "BVB Love Triangle Comes To A Boil?" ​CC, Ashley and Jake still wouldn't talk to me. Which left only Andy. Although I tried to avoid him as much as possible. Something in my head told me if I don't talk to him or associate myself with him at all, it would somehow make things okay with CC. I was stupid to think that. ​Touring was beginning to take it's toll. We played in a different UK city every night and were always on the move. On stage the 5 of us acted like we were the best of friends, like the band wasn't slowly unravelling behind the scenes.​​​​ It didn't help that I caught whatever bug CC had when we arrived in Ireland. I was getting sick on and off for days now. Even though it only lasted a couple days with CC, it seemed to have taken a bigger toll on me. ​ ​I was throwing up in the tour bus bathroom when CC finally broke his silence.​​​​ After just throwing up, I reached for some toilet paper to wipe my mouth, but there was none left. I heard footsteps outside and called for help. "Hey, whoever's there can you pass in some toilet paper?" The footsteps stopped but I didn't hear an answer. Suddenly the door opened and CC was standing there with a new roll of paper in his hand. "Oh, uhm.. Sorry, I didn't know it was you.." I said awkwardly as he handed me the roll. "It's okay" he said, putting his hands back in his pockets. I wiped my mouth, threw the paper in the toilet and flushed. Feeling exhausted from the bug CC gave me, I sat back against the wall. "Are you okay?" CC asked. "You've been sick for quite a while now, are you sure you don't wanna go see a doctor or something?" "No, I'm fine" I lied. "I just caught that bug you had back in Dublin" "Yeah, but mine only lasted two or three days, you've been getting sick for almost two weeks now" he looked at me with concern. "My body isn't used to touring, I still need some time to adjust" I stayed sitting on the ground, not quite able to move yet after puking. CC remained at the door awkwardly rocking back and forth. He scratched his head and staring at the ground he spoke; "Look, [name]. I'm sorry things got so out of hand that night. And I'm sorry that you ended up getting hurt too" I looked up into his sweet brown eyes. "CC, please don't say you're sorry. I should be the one apologizing. Everything that happened was all because of me. I'm sorry for what I've put you through. I know it can never be excused, but we don't have to ignore each other forever" "You're right.. I can never forgive you and probably never will, but we can at least be friends for the sake of the band" I was speechless. I mean, I wasn't expecting him to forgive me. But I also wasn't expecting him to be so bitter about it. "I hope you feel better soon.." he said before leaving and heading to his bunk. I slumped back down on the floor disappointed. * It was our second or third last show in the UK, I can't really remember. I was feeling pretty good before we went on stage. I was full of energy and adrenaline. Then some time near the middle of the show I began to slump. The bright, flashing lights and loud music gave me a thumping headache. I was starting to feel sick as well, I could hardly focus on what I was playing. I could feel a churning in my stomach and bile rise up in my throat. 'Don't get sick on stage. Don't get sick on stage' I kept repeating to myself. Suddenly, I was sweating. My cheeks flushed and I'm pretty sure I looked green. 'Shit. I'm gonna get sick on stage' I thought. Thankfully CC was just about to start his drum solo. Which gave the rest of us some time off stage. I ran as quickly as I could and found the nearest bucket. People gasped around me. As the drum solo was finishing, I wiped my mouth and ran back on stage, weak and tired, to perform the rest of the show. * All five of us were sitting in a doctor's waiting room. Even though most of them weren't fully talking to me, after the getting sick during a show incident, they insisted I go see a doctor. "Guys, really, I'm fine. It's just a stomach bug" I protested. "A stomach bug doesn't last three weeks, honey" said Ashley in his ever-so-sassy voice. I huffed and sat back in the chair like a bold child with my arms crossed. "You guys are over-reacting" I mumbled. Andy was sitting directly across from me, reading a month old magazine. He'd look up every now and then trying to get my attention but each time I diverted my gaze. After another 10 minutes of ignoring Andy, the doctor came into the room and called my name. I followed the doctor into his office and sat on the examination table. "So what seems to be the problem?" he asked. I explained to him that I caught the bug off CC and couldn't shake it off because we had been touring. He asked me question after question. I didn't understand why a stomach bug needed so many questions. "And, when was the last time you had your period" he asked. The question hit me off guard. I had been so pre-occupied with touring and all the drama that was going on that I didn't take notice of my monthly cycle. I racked my brain to try find the answer. "Uhhhmmm.. I'm not sure" The more I thought about it, I realized I hadn't had a period in 6 or 7 weeks. "Shit" I blurted out. "Uhmm, it's been like 6/7 weeks" I said, my stomach tumbling. "Hmmmmmm" said the doctor, taking notes on his clipboard. "But, that can happen with stress right?" I asked. I started to ramble; "I've been very stressed out the past couple months and that can stop you having your period right? I mean, it happens all the time! I'll just stop being stressed out and I'll return to normal! Maybe even the stomach bug will go away?" I was pulling at straws trying to avoid the inevitable. "[name] I'm going to run a pregnancy test, just to clear the possibility of you carrying a child, okay?" said the doctor. "Fuck" I mumbled. Five minutes and a cup of pee later, I sat back on the examination table feeling sick with anxiety. The doctor returned and sat down. "So I've ran the test and......"

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