Little Miss Suicide

The sweet, mouth-watering scent of syrup and pancakes drifted up my nostrils as my eyes slowly fluttered open. I stretched my arms up and yawned loudly, then nuzzled back into the couch, no longer sleepy but content in the comfy position I was currently in.

Heaving breathing filled my ears, and before I could comprehend what that could mean, a huge weight was pressed upon me and claws dug into my sides. Sticky, warm slobber dribbled over my face as Charlie began to lick my cheeks, joyous over my return to reality.

"Charlie! Down! Mama needs her rest!"

Charlie quickly hopped off the couch at the sound of Ronnie's voice. I giggled and sat up, wiping the slobber off my cheeks. Those giggles quickly faded as Ronnie's words reminded me of the previous day. I stared down at the couch and last night's thoughts began to echo through my head once again.

I'm going to be a mother

My hands began to tremble and tears peeked out from behind my eyelids, threatening to slide down my cheeks. The voice in my head just wouldn't stop repeating those words and I was getting lost in the noise of it all.

I didn't even notice Ronnie until his arms were already around me, pulling me into a tight hug. He gently pulled my head into his chest, letting his shirt get soaked with little droplets that had begun to run down my face. Rubbing my back gently, he sat down beside me and pulled me into his lap.

"It's gonna be alright. I'm sorry for reminding you, I didn't mean it like that. I was calling you Charlie's mama, actually..."

He trailed off, blushing a little, and chuckled softly. His laughter comforted me, and I hugged him tightly to try and hear just a little better. He returned the squeeze and chuckled again.

"Hey, you didn't squeak!" He whined, pouting.

I smiled softly and squeaked as he hugged me again.

"There's the Alex I know and love."

He got up and walked over to the kitchen, picking up a tray that seemed to be the source of the wonderful smell from earlier. Ronnie had made me a stack of five perfect-looking pancakes, accompanied by a glass of orange juice, some eggs, and a few grapes on the side.

I couldn't help but smile widely as I realized he'd made a face on the pancakes with eggs and a thin line of butter drawn in the shape of a smile. He noticed my reaction and laughed a little.

"Sorry, didn't have any bacon for his mouth," he said, laying the tray on my lap.

I quickly dug into the delicious meal and it was gone before he could even hand me the napkin he was pulling out of his pocket. He stared at me wide-eyed and then burst out laughing. Charlie joined in, yipping happily. He jumped onto my lap and began licking up the remaining syrup and crumbs from my plate. Ronnie pulled the dishes away from him and put them in the washer, then sat back down beside me. He grabbed hold of my hands gently and looked into my eyes.

"Look, you don't need to stress over this now, but I need you to start thinking about what you're going to do with the little one. I'll support you in whatever you want to do, but we should decide pretty soon. If you decide to keep it, I'd be okay with that. I'd help you raise the little one, provide all the supplies you need till you can get a stable job, help you look for that job, and I'll try and be the father she deserves if that's what you want me to do. I'll also totally understand if you don't want that life. You're young and you have your whole future ahead of you, you're not even nineteen yet. Adoption is always and option, and if support that more than you aborting the little guy, but if abortion is what you wish, I'll put my opinions aside and help you in any way I can. I care about you. Just know I'm here for you no matter what."

As he finished his little rant, a thousand thoughts flooded my mind. I never considered getting rid of the person growing inside me. Technically, it wasn't really a person yet, and it wouldn't feel a thing.... But could I really just not give the thing I created a chance at life? Then I thought of the adoption option. That would at least give the kid a chance at life, but I just couldn't stand the thought of them never knowing who brought them into the world. I then thought about what would happen if I kept them. A little one, running around this house, calling me "mommy" and Ronnie "daddy", playing with Charlie, learning to read and talk and laugh.... Having to change diapers... Dealing with the stress of knowing my decisions will alter their life forever... All the pain I'd have to go through... My singing career might even be ruined forever...

I sighed and stared down at my hands.

"Yeah. It's gonna take me a while to decide."

Ronnie squeezed my hands and nodded. He pulled me into a tight hug and then stood up. He held out his hand to me, smiling.

"C'mon. Let's go get some ice cream."

Notes

Okay! I'm back! (For now)

QOTC:
How much did you miss me while I was gone?

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Xoxo,
~Raye~