A Secret Isn't Secret When You Tell Everyone

Chris screamed when he saw Devin lying on the floor with blood everywhere. He called 911 as he checked Devin’s pulse. It was low but it was there. Chris applied pressure to all the bleeding wounds he could see. The paramedics came and quickly took Devin away in the ambulance. He was barely breathing when that happened. Ricky came in just as the paramedics drove away.

“He did it didn’t he?” Ricky asked.

“ I should’ve fucking noticed how long he was in there. Fuck. He could be dead and its my fault. I should’ve checked on him sooner.”

“It’s not your fault bro. He obviously knew what he was planning to do. There was a note. I haven’t read it yet though.” Ricky said. He then pulled the letter out of his pocket and read it allowed to Chris.


“Dear whomever it concerns,

You’ve found my suicide note. I didn’t want things to go this way but they did. Many may say I did this because I was guilty but I didn’t. I did this because I couldn’t live like this anymore. Kendall lied. I swear to fucking god she lied. I would never hurt her. That night I may have yelled at her but I never hit her nor have I ever verbally abused her. I yelled at her because I found out that she was pregnant with another man’s child, his second child. She lied to me. Our entire relationship was one sided. I loved her, hell I wanted to marry her. But she didn’t even like me in the end. I was blind the entire time. I barely was able to afford my bills and I let her rack up more charges on my credit card bill. I let her do it because I loved her and wanted to make her happy. I was never good enough for her. I loved her with my entire heart and she spit me out and stomped on me. She’s ruined my name. The entire world hates me for what she’s said I’ve done.
I would never in a million years harm a woman. I grew up watching my mother be beaten within an inch of her life by my father. He would scream at me and call me a worthless fag before punching me in the stomach. He then abused me when he couldn’t hit my mom anymore. People were beginning to notice her bruises, so poor little Devin got beat instead. Guess who got used for his daddy’s delights when mommy wasn’t around? Devin. He took away my innocence. I can barely sleep at times because of the nightmares that haunt me. SO when she claims I’ve hurt her, and that is far from the truth, it sickens me so much. I am not my father. Hell that man doesn’t deserve to be called my father. I would never do what he did to my mom and I to anyone else. No one deserves that emotional and physical torment. No one deserves to be beaten so bad they cant get move or breathe. He’s the reason I am so shy and quiet. I live in fear. I live in fear that someone will see what he’s done to me. He’s broken me so much that even as an adult I breakdown and cannot escape the flashbacks that occur. I would never hurt someone like that.
But because the entire world believes her, I’ve lost everything. I’ve lost my apartment; I’ve lost my belongings. She emptied out my apartment and took everything I owned. I had no bed, no TV, I was lucky she didn’t take my laptop. After losing the material things, I lost my friends. Only one still talks to me. Chris, if you’re reading this, I’m so sorry. I couldn’t live like this anymore. The hate people sent me, the glares, everything, it became too much. You were the one person who believed me. I owe you so much, more than I can ever give to you. Since I’ll be dead anyways, I leave you my clothing line. In a box you’ll find the last of the designs. Sell them, or print them, make money off of it somehow. Sell my car and everything else. Use the money for the family you’ll have one day. Tell the band I’m sorry I was such a fuck up. You all were the greatest friends I ever had. To the fans, thank you for supporting me as the bassist for MIW and thank you for purchasing WD. Worn Doll made it possible for me to be able to afford rent and be able to survive monthly. Things were difficult, and I often sold a lot of my stage clothes and stuff in order to make ends meet. Thank you for buying those items. I did not want to part with them but knowing that they went to people who saw them as highly as I, made it easier. I’m sorry I did this, that I took my own life. Its sad and its pathetic but it’s what happened.
Please don’t blame yourself Chris. You were so good to me, and I will be forever thankful. From the day I auditioned for the band to the last few days, you’ve been the greatest. Wherever I end up, I’ll be looking out for you. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to make it through. Going to jail wouldn’t have mattered at this point. I lost everything anyways. I just couldn’t live with the fact that the woman I loved so much and thought highly off, was the reason I was homeless, pretty much friendless and back in the misery I felt as a child. I barely survived my childhood and having to fight those demons again, I would not have survived. I did not survive. I love you. You were the brother I never had. The bestest friend I ever had.

Good Bye for one final time,
Devin Sola.”

Ricky read aloud. His voice cracked part way through the letter. He never knew the extent of Devin’s childhood but it explained why Devin had the mannerisms he did. Chris was about to cry.

He said to Ricky, “Call the guys tell them to meet you here. I’m going to the hospital. Read them the letter. Don’t tell them why they need to come over. Tell them that it is really urgent, I don’t care that it is 4:30 in the morning, tell them its literally life or death. Once they get there, they’ll ask questions. Don’t answer just say, ‘sit and let me read you this. Don’t speak until I have finished completely.’ They might try and throw a fit but tell them if they do, they can leave the band right then and there. Hopefully they’ll listen. If they start to act like dicks, lock the front door and guard it. Don’t let them leave until you are done. Also, nothing gets out of that room, do you understand me?”

Ricky nodded and then made the phone calls. The guys were grumpy and pissed but when they heard the tone of voice Ricky had, they knew it was urgent.

Chris went to the hospital to find out Devin’s condition. He hoped everything would be ok. Devin was a good person and didn’t deserve the last month or so.

Notes