Andy's P.O.V.

I guess this was death.

This dark infinity, this pure nothing. The feeling of feeling nothing, my heart stopping. But why could I still feel emotions? Wasn't death supposed to be painless?

I had sworn in life not to regret anything, but in death, I regret everything. There were so many better ways to end it than to die in the hospital, lonely, with my girl crying by my side. Just lying down felt selfish, but I couldn't move. Hope she didn't take my sudden departure too hard.

What was I supposed to do now? How was I still conscious? Why did death have to be so...lonely? I thought that my senses would give in, but they didn't, they were still there, regretting every single fault that I had made. Death was really fucking painful.

I wondered if they had given up on me, out there in the real world. I wonder if they tried to save me, or if I was just laying down with a blanket above my head, being taken to the morgue after a doctor declared my sudden death. Iris was probably crying right now, outside. But she'd be alright, I knew it. If it wasn't for me, she wouldn't be broken in the first place.

Death was irreversable. But in my lonely head, I was thinking if I really was dead. People have survived their hearts stopping before. It wasn't ressurection, it was pure medical science. And I was probably not even braindead, since I still had my feelings there. Unless the after-life really existed, in which case I shall plan to contact her from the other side. But the after-life isn't real. Guess there must be something still alive in me.

The loneliness was killing me, and this type of loneliness could not be managed by a simple call. I couldn't pick up my phone and tell her to come over. I couldn't let her wrap her arms around me. I was lonely inside my own head, and there was no way out.

After reflecting for the longest time, I suddenly felt a jolt in my body, running through every nerve in me. Was it a final heartbeat escaping? Or was it medical personel trying to make it last. Trying to get me back?

A second jolt passed through me, and I could suddenly hear again. A voice saying "clear" and another jolt. But the hearing dissapeared. I could feel everything becoming increasingly numb, and I felt as I was slowly fading away again. The sudden spark of hope hit me. Maybe it wasn't over.

Another jolt. But I didn't feel any closer to home. I felt my senses giving out, my thoughts giving in. They were trying, but I couldn't get back. I couldn't be brought back to the light.

Death is irreversable. But maybe it wasn't hopeless.

I wanted to live.

Goddamn, did I want to live.

Notes

Yeah, it's cliché, it is a stupid chapter, whatever, whatever.

This is probably the last chapter from Andy's P.O.V., and hopefully you aren't insanely sick of the philosophical meanings in it. I enjoy the poetry of it, I just feel like I'm dragging his death a little bit too far. In my head, it is passing in slow-motion though. This is all happening while Iris is meeting Amy and Chris for the first time.

I try updating atleast every 24 hours or so. As I am going to the czech republic in about a week, where I won't be updating at all probably because of...well, debates and shit, I try giving you something to read right now atleast.

Time to go motion prepping! And thank you for reading, it is a bliss to see your comments!