I'm a Loaded Gun
Days Are Numbered
Reyas POV
Ive been awake since two in the morning. Andy drifted off around elven with me, but I haven't been able to sleep. I got uo and crawled out of his arms, sitting on the couch by the window, staring out into the St. Louis night. I looked down to the street four stories down. A young couple, probably in their twenties, walked by, holding hands. They paused and shared a peck, and continued their walk as their arms swung playfully. Tears welled in my eyes and a suffocating pain spread throughout my chest. I looked back to Andy's sleeping form on my bed. Sighing, I walked to my bag on the floor and tucked the last few things I had inside. I picked up the bags and dragged them to the living room next to a few other bags the others had placed near the door. I wasn't ready to leave, I never wanted to leave Andy. Where the hell will I even go? Am I going to return to the torture of Spring Ridge? How will I endure my drab life again? Will things ever be stitched with my parents? Do I even want to fix them?
I sat at the counter and layed my head in my hands. I finally let a few painful tears choke out. I pulled them back and wiped my eyes. I'm sick of crying. Andy will keep his promises, I'll keep mine. I'll decide where I'm going in the morning when I'm driving, I'll let the road lead me. I glanced across the counter, I had left my lyrics book there last night. I reached over and slid it toward me. I needed to write, this pain can't be bottled and I'm not going to cry anymore. There is only a black sharpie on the counter. Fuck it, I'll use it. I skimmed through to the fire blank page I found.
"Why am I awake tonight?
The pain in my chest is like a knife,
bleeding words and tears,
I no longer know what is right.
The road is no longer clear,
my dreams dazed and confused.
my mind is racing with these thoughts,
im give no clues."
I closed the cover as i glanced at the clock. It was four in the morning. I got up and returned to my room, shutting the door as gently as possible. I leaned down and unzipped my bag, burying it under some clothes. I glanced up, Andy was rubbing his eyes and slowly sat up.
"Reya?" he mumbled, his voice thick and raspy with sleep. "What are you doing out of bed sweetie?"
"Sorry, Andy. I couldn't sleep. Sorry I woke you up." I whispered as I walked back over to the bed.
"Come on, at least get some rest," he said as he held out his arm, motioning for me to get back in bed. crawled across the bed and layed my head in his chest. He wrapped his arms gently around me. "Everything OK?"
"Just upset."
"What are you upset about?" he asked as he stroked my hair.
"I don't want to leave you...youve been so entwined in my life for the past two months, and is so hard for me to even remember what life was like without you in it everyday."
"Reya, things will be OK. Don't worry," he said as he kissed my temple as he pulled me close.
I snuggled my head into his neck. I closed my eyes, taking in everything, copying it mentally. Tomorrow I woukd be sleeping alone again. I wouldn't wake up with Andy's arm around me any longer or get good morning and good night kisses. Andy began humming something.
"Are you humming Goodnight moon by Go Radio?" I mumbled as I started to get sleepy.
"Uh-huh."
"Can...you sing it...please," I whispered.
"And don't go to bed yet, love.
i think it's too early and we just need a little time to ourselves.
If my wall clock tells me that it's four in the morning I'll give it hell.
Cause I've been trying way to long to try and be the perfect song
when our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn't have to bear alone
so goodnight moon and goodnight you
when you're all that I think about, all that I dream about.
How'd I ever breathe without a good kiss from goodnight you,
the kind of hope they all talk about, the kind of feeling we sing about, sit in our bedrooms and read aloud,
like a passage from goodnight moon."
I woke in the morning, I could feel my cheek against Andy's slowly moving neck and chest. I never wanted to move. I never wanted to leave this bed, never leave his arms, never leave this moment with Andy. I wrapped my arm tighter around him, the weight sinking in that in an hour, I would be parted from Andy. Andy groaned and stretched, his arms tightening around me. I let out a quiet grunt as he pressed our ribs together, painfully tight. His eyes opened and he released me.
"Goodmorning," he whispered as looked into my eyes.
"Goodmorning," I whispered back, the pain returning to my chest.
"Please don't. I can't stand to see you cry," he said as he reached a hand up to stop the tear that threatened to fall.
We layed in bed, taking in each others faces, gazed, memorizing each others eyes until Tyler came in and said we had twenty minutes. I sighed and hugged myself to Andy. He held me for a few minutes, releasing me as I stood up and got out of bed to change. I pulled on my white tank top with a black UK flag on it and rhinestones. The back was see through so I out in a black sports bra and a pair of tight very faded blue jeans with tears in them. I pulled on my batman converse. Andy got out of bed and handed me his hoodie.
"What's this for?" I said quietly as I took it out of his hand.
"So you have a piece of me to cuddle with," he said with a pained smile. I pulled it open, it was his black and red hoodie with Black Veil Brides in it. It was a custom made zip up Jodie with his name on the back and vocals printed under it. I crushed him into a hug. I pulled his hoodie over my shoudlers and zipped it on. "Oh, this is from Sammi too," he said as he handed me a black Hot Topic bag. I took it and opened the back. I smiled as I pulled out a black fluffy winter hat with kitty ears on it. I put it on my head, flattening my long straighten layers out from under it so my hair hung perfectly out of it.
"I love it," I said as I reached up and kiss him. I pulled back, and hesitated. He took charge and pulled me by my hips back into him. Our lips connected, challenging for dominance. I reached up and pulled off the hat, it was wayyyy too hot in hear to keep it on, it was like 60 outside anyway. I began to hear a metallic clinking. I pulled back from Andy. I looked outside, it was raining. Just fucking perfect. I sighed and leaned down from my tippy toes. We reluctantly walked to the living room, everyone holding their stuff, Siren was uncontrollably sobbing into Ashleys shoudler.
"Guess we should get going," Dylan said awkwardly.
Andy grabbed two of my dufflebags, Jinxx grabbed my roller cases. I held Andy's hand as we went to the elevator. The rest of the bands both piled in the large elevator. We all we quiet, except Siren was was crying still. We reached the level and silently walked out to my car, Allies Buick, and Tyler's SUV. The boys put my stuff in the back hatch and the chain of hugs began. Jake gave me a careful hug, followed by Jinnx giving my body a light squeeze, Ashley giving me a one arm hug (Siren still attached to him), CC picked me up and spun me around, and lastly I embraced Andy. He picked me uo and held me as tight as humanly possible. The tears started again and I couldn't l control it, I started to seriously cry. The rest of the bands said their goodbyes.
I looked up to Andy with tear filled eyes, he leaned done, giving me one last passionate and deliberate kiss. I let go. I opened the door to my car and got in, Siren climbing in the other side, attempting to stop crying too, but it was no use for either of us. We wavved and called out byes. Andy mouthed a pained 'I love you'. The tears came out again. I pulled out of the garage and into the freeway. Siren busted out choking in her sobs again. I reached over and grabbed her hand. She gripped it tightly.
"Reya?"
"What, Siren?"
"I'm...I'm gonna miss him so much."
"I will too Si. I feel...well Hollow," I choked back.
We got on the road back to Spring Ridge. I don't know what I'm going to do now. I try to focus on the road, but I can't. I'm in too much pain to properly concentrate. I look down, pulling the car back into my lane. I had began drifting into the shoudler. I blinked a few times. The road was passing by agonizingly slow. There was nothing on the radio and my phone was dead so I couldn't plug it in as my iPod. Siren had finally cried herself to sleep in the passenger seat. My chest hurt so badly from all the gasping sobs. It hurt to breathe and my eyes burned from my acid tears. I looked into the rear view mirror and wiped the bleeding mascara off from under my eyes. I glanced back to the road. A semi was driving probably 60 in front of me. I shifted to the middle lane and began passing him. I glanced down at my speedometer, 72. I looked back up, a loud metallic grinding filled the car. I looked up, the guardrail straight in front of me. The car spun out of control, everything in slow motion. I looked over, Siren had woke, staring wide eye out the windshield. I looked forward, I could see cars coming at us, and then the guardrail again.
Ive been awake since two in the morning. Andy drifted off around elven with me, but I haven't been able to sleep. I got uo and crawled out of his arms, sitting on the couch by the window, staring out into the St. Louis night. I looked down to the street four stories down. A young couple, probably in their twenties, walked by, holding hands. They paused and shared a peck, and continued their walk as their arms swung playfully. Tears welled in my eyes and a suffocating pain spread throughout my chest. I looked back to Andy's sleeping form on my bed. Sighing, I walked to my bag on the floor and tucked the last few things I had inside. I picked up the bags and dragged them to the living room next to a few other bags the others had placed near the door. I wasn't ready to leave, I never wanted to leave Andy. Where the hell will I even go? Am I going to return to the torture of Spring Ridge? How will I endure my drab life again? Will things ever be stitched with my parents? Do I even want to fix them?
I sat at the counter and layed my head in my hands. I finally let a few painful tears choke out. I pulled them back and wiped my eyes. I'm sick of crying. Andy will keep his promises, I'll keep mine. I'll decide where I'm going in the morning when I'm driving, I'll let the road lead me. I glanced across the counter, I had left my lyrics book there last night. I reached over and slid it toward me. I needed to write, this pain can't be bottled and I'm not going to cry anymore. There is only a black sharpie on the counter. Fuck it, I'll use it. I skimmed through to the fire blank page I found.
"Why am I awake tonight?
The pain in my chest is like a knife,
bleeding words and tears,
I no longer know what is right.
The road is no longer clear,
my dreams dazed and confused.
my mind is racing with these thoughts,
im give no clues."
I closed the cover as i glanced at the clock. It was four in the morning. I got up and returned to my room, shutting the door as gently as possible. I leaned down and unzipped my bag, burying it under some clothes. I glanced up, Andy was rubbing his eyes and slowly sat up.
"Reya?" he mumbled, his voice thick and raspy with sleep. "What are you doing out of bed sweetie?"
"Sorry, Andy. I couldn't sleep. Sorry I woke you up." I whispered as I walked back over to the bed.
"Come on, at least get some rest," he said as he held out his arm, motioning for me to get back in bed. crawled across the bed and layed my head in his chest. He wrapped his arms gently around me. "Everything OK?"
"Just upset."
"What are you upset about?" he asked as he stroked my hair.
"I don't want to leave you...youve been so entwined in my life for the past two months, and is so hard for me to even remember what life was like without you in it everyday."
"Reya, things will be OK. Don't worry," he said as he kissed my temple as he pulled me close.
I snuggled my head into his neck. I closed my eyes, taking in everything, copying it mentally. Tomorrow I woukd be sleeping alone again. I wouldn't wake up with Andy's arm around me any longer or get good morning and good night kisses. Andy began humming something.
"Are you humming Goodnight moon by Go Radio?" I mumbled as I started to get sleepy.
"Uh-huh."
"Can...you sing it...please," I whispered.
"And don't go to bed yet, love.
i think it's too early and we just need a little time to ourselves.
If my wall clock tells me that it's four in the morning I'll give it hell.
Cause I've been trying way to long to try and be the perfect song
when our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn't have to bear alone
so goodnight moon and goodnight you
when you're all that I think about, all that I dream about.
How'd I ever breathe without a good kiss from goodnight you,
the kind of hope they all talk about, the kind of feeling we sing about, sit in our bedrooms and read aloud,
like a passage from goodnight moon."
I woke in the morning, I could feel my cheek against Andy's slowly moving neck and chest. I never wanted to move. I never wanted to leave this bed, never leave his arms, never leave this moment with Andy. I wrapped my arm tighter around him, the weight sinking in that in an hour, I would be parted from Andy. Andy groaned and stretched, his arms tightening around me. I let out a quiet grunt as he pressed our ribs together, painfully tight. His eyes opened and he released me.
"Goodmorning," he whispered as looked into my eyes.
"Goodmorning," I whispered back, the pain returning to my chest.
"Please don't. I can't stand to see you cry," he said as he reached a hand up to stop the tear that threatened to fall.
We layed in bed, taking in each others faces, gazed, memorizing each others eyes until Tyler came in and said we had twenty minutes. I sighed and hugged myself to Andy. He held me for a few minutes, releasing me as I stood up and got out of bed to change. I pulled on my white tank top with a black UK flag on it and rhinestones. The back was see through so I out in a black sports bra and a pair of tight very faded blue jeans with tears in them. I pulled on my batman converse. Andy got out of bed and handed me his hoodie.
"What's this for?" I said quietly as I took it out of his hand.
"So you have a piece of me to cuddle with," he said with a pained smile. I pulled it open, it was his black and red hoodie with Black Veil Brides in it. It was a custom made zip up Jodie with his name on the back and vocals printed under it. I crushed him into a hug. I pulled his hoodie over my shoudlers and zipped it on. "Oh, this is from Sammi too," he said as he handed me a black Hot Topic bag. I took it and opened the back. I smiled as I pulled out a black fluffy winter hat with kitty ears on it. I put it on my head, flattening my long straighten layers out from under it so my hair hung perfectly out of it.
"I love it," I said as I reached up and kiss him. I pulled back, and hesitated. He took charge and pulled me by my hips back into him. Our lips connected, challenging for dominance. I reached up and pulled off the hat, it was wayyyy too hot in hear to keep it on, it was like 60 outside anyway. I began to hear a metallic clinking. I pulled back from Andy. I looked outside, it was raining. Just fucking perfect. I sighed and leaned down from my tippy toes. We reluctantly walked to the living room, everyone holding their stuff, Siren was uncontrollably sobbing into Ashleys shoudler.
"Guess we should get going," Dylan said awkwardly.
Andy grabbed two of my dufflebags, Jinxx grabbed my roller cases. I held Andy's hand as we went to the elevator. The rest of the bands both piled in the large elevator. We all we quiet, except Siren was was crying still. We reached the level and silently walked out to my car, Allies Buick, and Tyler's SUV. The boys put my stuff in the back hatch and the chain of hugs began. Jake gave me a careful hug, followed by Jinnx giving my body a light squeeze, Ashley giving me a one arm hug (Siren still attached to him), CC picked me up and spun me around, and lastly I embraced Andy. He picked me uo and held me as tight as humanly possible. The tears started again and I couldn't l control it, I started to seriously cry. The rest of the bands said their goodbyes.
I looked up to Andy with tear filled eyes, he leaned done, giving me one last passionate and deliberate kiss. I let go. I opened the door to my car and got in, Siren climbing in the other side, attempting to stop crying too, but it was no use for either of us. We wavved and called out byes. Andy mouthed a pained 'I love you'. The tears came out again. I pulled out of the garage and into the freeway. Siren busted out choking in her sobs again. I reached over and grabbed her hand. She gripped it tightly.
"Reya?"
"What, Siren?"
"I'm...I'm gonna miss him so much."
"I will too Si. I feel...well Hollow," I choked back.
We got on the road back to Spring Ridge. I don't know what I'm going to do now. I try to focus on the road, but I can't. I'm in too much pain to properly concentrate. I look down, pulling the car back into my lane. I had began drifting into the shoudler. I blinked a few times. The road was passing by agonizingly slow. There was nothing on the radio and my phone was dead so I couldn't plug it in as my iPod. Siren had finally cried herself to sleep in the passenger seat. My chest hurt so badly from all the gasping sobs. It hurt to breathe and my eyes burned from my acid tears. I looked into the rear view mirror and wiped the bleeding mascara off from under my eyes. I glanced back to the road. A semi was driving probably 60 in front of me. I shifted to the middle lane and began passing him. I glanced down at my speedometer, 72. I looked back up, a loud metallic grinding filled the car. I looked up, the guardrail straight in front of me. The car spun out of control, everything in slow motion. I looked over, Siren had woke, staring wide eye out the windshield. I looked forward, I could see cars coming at us, and then the guardrail again.
Go till you have no more and then make that the end please dont make a sequel
8/27/15