Love Never Fades

Several days later, after arriving safely in Springfield, Missouri and going with his grandparents to their home in nearby Aurora, Ash dared turn his phone for the first time since he’d turned it off in the airport. He was pleasantly surprised to find a few texts and voice mails from his friends, all understanding what little he left in his note and wishing him and his family both the best.

He smiled sadly as he turned the device back off so they couldn’t track him down, one hand resting on his belly as he fought tears. They honestly thought that one of his grandparents was very sick, likely bad enough to be in the hospital, which would explain his lack of communication with them. If they knew that it wasn’t because either Daniel or Leana Crosswhite were sick, but because he’d be adding to said family in a few short months, they’d have sworn to do everything they could to help him. While he’d have appreciated the help, especially from Sandra, he couldn’t risk Andy finding out his secret.

Just thinking about his best friend made the tears welling up cascade down over his cheeks. He loved the younger man with everything in him, something he’d admitted to his grandparents when they asked who the father of his child was. They supported him in every way, including when he admitted to being gay.

Thinking of his child, and the reason he was even expecting them in the first place, reminded him that he needed to find an open-minded OB/GYN, and soon. He needed to make sure his baby was all right, if nothing else, and start coming up with a birth plan. It might’ve been possible for them to be put in him through his ass, but he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to manage a natural delivery. That could be impossible, and therefore a C-section might be required for a safe and healthy delivery. Additionally, while the rest of his body might adapt accordingly, his hips might never widen enough, even if a natural birth was possible.

“Grama,” he said softly, trying not to scare the elderly woman as he walked into the kitchen.

“Morning, Ashley,” she answered, rising on her tip toes as he bent down slightly so she could kiss his forehead. “You sleep good?”

“As well as I could,” Ash answered, taking a seat at the kitchen table. “Morning sickness sucks so bad.”

“Welcome to the world of pregnancy,” his grandmother chuckled. “Now you’ll see how your dearly departed mama and I felt.”

“Thanks, Grama,” he answered, a hint of sarcasm coloring his voice.

“Hey, I’m not trying to be mean,” Leana told him, gently brushing his hair back. “But I’m not gonna lie to or try to sugar coat shit for ya.”

“Because it’s not gonna taste any better than if I eat it plain,” the bassist chuckled, smiling slightly.

“Exactly. We need to take you to your old primary care physician soon, though,” she said. “Even if you move to a new town, or even outta state, in the near future, they might be able to help refer you to someone wherever you go that can help.”

“I was wondering just who I could go to about this,” Ash sighed, gently caressing his bare belly. Since he was shirtless, his abdomen was on full display, but he wasn’t really far enough along to tell.

“That’s really the only one that I can think of who already knows you’re a hermaphrodite,” his grandmother said honestly.

“I mean, that makes perfect sense,” he agreed. “Obviously, I don’t have the clearest mind right now.”

“And that’s perfectly fine,” Leana swore. “God knows your mama wasn’t exactly clear-headed when she found out she was expecting you.” She covered his hand with hers and squeezed it gently. “Honestly, though, I don’t think any mother is completely clear-headed immediately after discovering they’re pregnant, so it’s not just you.”

“Thanks, Grama,” the bassist said with a tender smile. “You always know exactly what to say to keep me from giving myself an ulcer.”

Chuckling, his grandmother kissed his forehead again before turning back to the stove to make breakfast.

It wasn’t long before his grandfather came downstairs for the morning, saying that after breakfast he was heading out to muck the stalls in the stables. Normally, he’d have Ash help him with such a chore, but he remembered when Leana was expecting his mother. Strong odors usually offended not only her nose, but her stomach, during the earliest weeks of her pregnancy, which would set off her morning sickness.

He was grateful that his grandfather understood why he couldn’t help him this time, and knew he cared about both him and his unborn child. Daniel returned the tender smile he gave him and kissed his forehead before heading outside once he’d eaten, leaving the remaining pair in companionable silence.

After breakfast, his grandmother immediately got on the phone with his doctor, while he rested on the couch. He hadn’t been able to hold down much over the past week and a-half, and he wanted to minimize the chances of his eggs and toast coming back up. Leana understood that mentality all too well, and not just because he needed the nourishment. With a little one relying on him for everything right now, it was important that he stay nourished so he could then, in turn, nourish them.

“You feeling up to heading over to the doctor’s office?” She’d knelt down in front of him, considering that she was pretty spry for her age. “Dr. Page has a free appointment in half an hour.”

“Not really, but I want the best for my baby,” he answered, barely opening his eyes.

His grandmother relayed his response into the phone she still held as he slowly sat up, trying not to set off his stomach.

“Can you get my boots from beside my bed?” Ash asked. “I’m still light-headed and don’t wanna fall down the stairs.”

“Boy, if I weren’t as spry for my age as I am and I didn’t love you, I’d make you get ’em yourself,” Leana laughed after ending the phone call. “But I’m not gonna take any chances with my grandson and future great-grandbaby.”

He blushed slightly as she gently caressed his belly before rising and heading upstairs.

A couple minutes later, she returned with everything she’d need for their little outing, as well as his boots, and knelt down again. It’d been years since he’d needed her help to get his shoes on, and it made him blush slightly. However, when it came to his child, he’d do anything to ensure their health and safety, and that included accepting help from his grandmother when he needed it.

Once he was ready to go, Leana rose back to her full height and helped him up off the couch. She kept an arm wrapped around his waist as she helped him out to her truck, then into the passenger’s seat. If he’d felt better than he did and didn’t need the moral support, he’d have insisted she didn’t need to take him.

When they arrived at the doctor’s office, there was a nurse waiting out front who’d known about his genetic ability since he was a child. Ash smiled when he saw her, knowing his doctor had sent her out to keep his grandmother from straining herself by trying to help him too much. He was eternally grateful for all the help he was getting, but that didn’t make feeling a bit like a burden any easier to bear for him. He’d been fiercely independent from a young age, likely a side effect from losing his parents so young, and that hadn’t changed when he moved to LA to pursue his dreams.

In the doctor’s office, he was quickly checked in and taken back to an exam room. Embarrassing as it was, he said nothing as he stripped down to his boxer-briefs to tie on the back-less gown. Once he had it on and tied, he slipped the underwear out from underneath it, still blushing since his grandmother hadn’t seen him nearly nude in ages. Leana chuckled softly as she took his clothes from him, then helped him get situated on the exam table. It wasn’t long afterward that his primary care physician came in with a smile.

“Well, good morning, Ashley,” she greeted him. “I hear you’re not feeling very well.”

“Not really,” Ash answered, shaking his head. “I thought Grama was kidding when she said morning sickness was a bitch; I know she wasn’t now.”

“So when did you start suspecting you were pregnant?” Dr. Page asked as she sat down.

“A week or so ago,” he answered. “It took me a few days to actually get a pregnancy test, much less get my bandmates off my back long enough to take it.”

“I’m sure it’s just because they care about you,” the doctor told him reassuringly. “Anyway, I’m guessing that since you say it’s morning sickness, the test was positive?”

“It was,” he answered, nodding. “That and my…uh, cycle, hasn’t started.”

“Ah. Yeah, a missed period, nausea, and a positive pregnancy test usually means a little one on the way.” She chuckled softly as she wrote something on his chart. “Do you remember the last time you had a period?”

“I wanna say about six weeks ago, but things got kinda crazy on tour,” the bassist admitted with a blush. “Honestly, if it weren’t for common sense helping me piece things together, I wouldn’t even remember what caused this.”

Dr. Page cocked a brow curiously before writing something else on his chart.

“I…I was an idiot. I went out with the band and got absolutely schnockered, and ended up crossing a line with my best friend that I never meant to.”

“Now, you know I don’t condone using intoxication as an excuse,” Leana told him, a reprimanding tone to her voice.

“I know, Grama…I know,” he said, sounding ashamed. “I don’t even remember it happening, and it’s not an excuse; it’s the truth.”

“Well, either way, at least you’re getting the care you need for yourself and the baby, if you didn’t get a false positive,” Dr. Page spoke up to disspell the growing tension. “Anyway, let’s move on to the physical exam.”

Ash nodded his agreement and laid back on the table, letting her gently start the exam. A nurse had already gotten his vitals before he even changed into the back-less gown, so that was one less thing they needed to do. He winced as she pressed on his chest, which he’d noticed had been really tender lately. Actually, it was so tender that it was usually painful, which was why he chose to remain shirtless at his grandparents’ house.

Soon enough, the doctor had worked her way down his torso and was now gently prodding his lower abdomen. Her touch wasn’t harsh enough to cause harm to any child he could be carrying, but firm enough for her to gather the information she needed. She soon pulled a curtain for his privacy, and he knew what was coming next.

He hated having pelvic exams, but with the reproductive organs of a woman tucked away inside him, it was essential. The bassist blushed furiously as she gently prodded his opening after getting his legs in the stirrups, her fingers coated in a gel to lube them up. Dr. Page had to be even more gentle with him than with a woman because, although he enjoyed anal, that orifice didn’t stretch quite the same way. Not only that, but it was easier to turn accidentally turn him on, especially when she brushed against his prostate. The damned thing was so sensitive that it was insane, and he had to fight an erection.

The doctor chuckled and apologized as she pulled her fingers back out of his body, but that barely helped with his embarrassment. Then again, he was almost certain that she knew what’d happened and why, and was kind enough not to say anything about it. With that part of the exam over, she wiped off her fingers and let him clean himself up as she told him that an ultrasound would be their next step. Although she highly suspected he was pregnant, it would confirm if he really was or not.

“I really, and I mean really, hope that I’m actually pregnant,” Ash said, his voice shaking a bit. “Better that, as hard as it’s gonna be for me, than to have some unknown or incurable disease.”

“You’re definitely right there, Ashley,” his grandmother agreed, nodding. “At least we’ll know what’s wrong with you, how to help, and when it’ll end.”

“But I’m scared, Grama,” he admitted, a tear streaking down his cheek. “I’m terrified that, if I am pregnant, I’ll be a sorry excuse of a parent. Or that I’ll end up leaving my baby too soon.” He never said Like Mama and Daddy did to me, but he knew she’d understand.

“I know, Ashley, I know,” Leana soothed him, gently wrapping her arms around him. “It’ll be okay; you’ll see. With or without Andy, you’ll do fine if you’re gonna become a father—or mother, however you wanna look at it—but you’ll always have me and Grampa.”

The bassist was able to give her a smile, knowing that she was right. When it was all said and done, he’d be a wonderful parent and do right by his baby, no matter what.

Notes