Finding Grace

"DONT DROP THE DECORATIONS, CC!" Vale thundered, and I winced from the couch as he carefully walked across the living room, his face strained as he handed her the large box of decorative flowers she was pinning up everywhere in the apartment.
The baby shower wasn't for another two days but Vale had decided to decorate early since she felt everyone was such a slacker and would never be able to get it all done the morning of.
Which was probably right.
I sighed, propping my chin in my hand as Ashley tried not to pop balloons as he pinned them to the wall, muttering under his breath.
Clarke held the ladder for him.
I'd made it explicitly clear Clara was not to come, been seen, heard of, or even thought of during my shower, and though he'd looked pretty cranky about it, he hadn't said a word.
I would beat her to death with balloons if I had too.
I grimaced, shuffling a little. While all the guys were here doing decorations, Andy was off at the studio finishing up his parts for their new song. He was lucky he'd had to work because Vale was acting like a total slave driver right now; she'd even gotten Nate involved.
He was currently trying to figure out how to fit all the soda into our fridge.
I chuckled, listening to all of them squabble. I scooted forward a little bit, looking down at the list of people Vale had invited; I wasn't sure I really even knew half of them.
CC (who Vale was forcing to be present), Andy, Morgan( Ashleys girlfriend) Vera (Vales cousin who did our makeup a lot), Sabrina (Chris Motionless girlfriend who I was decent friends with since they'd gotten back together but I wasn't sure if she'd really come or not), Sammi and Ella (I was like fifty/fifty they would come), and then a lot of other people I'm sure I knew but couldn't place where I knew them from.
I sighed.
"Here," Ashley suddenly slid his butt across the coffee table, knocking half the stuff off of it; I supposed it needed to be cleaned anyway. "Lemme do your nails. They look terrible."
I looked at my hand; I hadn't painted my nails in weeks.
"They're not that bad."
"They're awful," he told me, taking my hand. "One cannot baby shower with bad nails." he leaned a little closer. "Please let me do this because if one more fucking balloon pops and the Hellbreather yells at me I'm going to have a coronary."
I chuckled, and shrugged, letting him paint my nails several different colors.
Whatever separated him and Vale.
"Okay, so, I ordered a cake from the bakery and it'll arrive at noon on Saturday," Vale called from the ladder. "So answer the door! And CCs picking up all the pizza and I'll make sure the rest of the food is organized in the kitchen. Dickhead, your girlfriend is coming right?"
"As far as I know," Ashley sighed.
"Good. She's really good at keeping things organized. And she's so cool, I don't really see why she's dating you."
"I keep asking that myself about CC," he sighed dramatically, and both of them sent him a dirty look.
I chuckled.
"When's Andy getting back?" I asked, curling my legs under me; I was starting to miss him.
You'd think I would want him out of the house since he was here so often, but I was missing him now that he was gone and I was left here with all the other guys.
"Probably not till tonight, " Ashley told me, examining my nails. "He had a lot of stuff to catch up on."
"Oh," I sighed, glancing at the TV; I was so tired of watching TV all the time.
"Leah, you want something to eat?" Vale asked after a moment. "I haven't seen you have anything."
"I'm not hungry."
"You're not?" I think literally everyone turned to look at me and I blushed.
"Leah, you need to eat," Vale stepped off her ladder. "You're growing a thing inside you!"
"Vale, if I eat anymore food, both of us are going to be obese," I huffed, fanning my nails in the air.
It was weird, but I really wasn't hungry.
I mean, I had just reached seven months pregnant here, if I continued eating like something that had been starved for two years, my figure would definitely go downhill.
And I really wanted it back.
Plus it made me feel bad to eat all the time.
"No chewing!" Ashley smacked my hand before it made its way to my lips. "That's what's wrong with your nails already!"
I rolled my eyes, dropping my hand to my lap.
Ugh.
I hadn't realized I'd even picked up that habit.
There was suddenly a knock at at the door, and Clarke walked over to answer it. I heard him talking for a moment, and then I had to get up to sign for something.
I frowned at the large boxes waiting on the doorstep as I scribbled my name down, handing the clipboard back to the driver.
Clarke and Nate hefted the boxes inside.
"Who are they from?" Vale asked curiously. "Did you order more baby gear?"
"It shouldn't be here yet," I frowned, glancing at where it was from.
I hesitated, seeing it had been sent from Georgia.
"Can someone get me a knife?" I sighed, unable to get through the packing tape.
"I got it," Nate offered, cutting both of the boxes open for me. I glanced at him, seeing he'd gotten his ears pierced again.
So maybe when I'd told him we'd never have a good relationship again, I had been being a little dramatic, because he had been trying to be good since then, I suppose. I mean, trying to break me and Andy up had been a real shit move, but if it had worked at least I wouldn't be pregnant right now and feel nauseous.
I sighed, ignoring the thoughts as I opened a box, seeing it had another box inside.
God, was this gonna be like those dolls where you kept opening them to find a smaller version?
Because I totally wasn't in the groove for that.
I opened the next box, finding an envelope on top of what looked like a bunch of baby clothes.
I hesitated, holding it in my hand as I looked down at all the clothes, the other box filled with some new and old toys.
"Who's it from?" Vale asked curiously, holding up a small fancy dress like a baby would get their pictures taken in.
I Stared At it, Feeling My Chest Tighten Painfully.
Oh no.
This couldn't be happening.
How did she know where I lived?
Oh no no no.
I looked down at the envelope in my hand, and slowly opened it, seeing the familiar Russian handwriting.
It was brief, what she'd written, and it it didn't hold any apologies or consolations, but nothing cruel either.

Liliya,
I hope my granddaughter enjoys these things as much as you did as a child
Mother

I crumpled the letter in my hand, glancing at the boxes.
How fucking dare she?
She didn't get to give it anything, she didn't even get to know it existed!
As far as I was concerned, it would never know about her!
"Leah? What's wrong?" Clarke asked, seeing my face.
"Get rid of it."
"What?"
"The boxes. Get rid of them. I don't want them." I started to rip the letter up into pieces, but Vales hands closed quickly over mine, stopping me.
"Leah ---."
"Get rid of the boxes!" I hissed, jerking away from her.
I didn't want any of those in this place.
All they brought was awful memories I'd literally moved across the country to avoid.
Why did they keep following me?
Why couldnt I just get away from them?
I turned away from everyone and hurried into the bedroom, panic rising in my throat.
She knew where I was --- what if Romochka did? What if he got out of jail and came after me again and hurt the baby or Andy or --- why couldn't they just leave me alone and let me be happy?
I sat down heavily on the edge of the bed, dropping my face into my hands.
Why couldn't she just leave me alone?
She had to know how much I hated her for what she'd done, the literal scars she'd left on me the last time I'd seen her.
There wasn't an ounce of love in me for her, I just wanted her to die so I could feel relief I wouldn't have to worry about her anymore, still be afraid of her.
I just wanted her to leave me alone and pretend I never existed, was that so hard?
It was all I wanted!
Tears welled in my eyes but I tried to fight them, not wanting any of the others to know how upset I was.
I didn't want to ruin the day after they'd all been working so hard, but I was so... Stupid.
Stupid stupid stupid.
I ran my hands through my hair with a grimace, half - hoping my nails were dry and I didn't just get polish everywhere.
God, this sucked so bad.
Why did she have to pick today of all days to remind me she was alive?

Notes

So Leah's mom is a little more knowing then what Leah thought, huh? How'd she get her address? Is something sneaky happening in the background because of someone everyone seems to hate?
Hmmmmm?