Finding Grace

I knew he was talking to Juliet, I just knew it.
I stared at the bedroom door, hearing his laughter. I hadn't heard him laugh in days, I sure as he'll couldn't get him too.
He just looked at me now like he couldn't tell if I was joking or being an absolute bitch.
Which was probably a good plan, because most of the time I felt like a bitch.
I looked down at my phone, texting Danny back quickly.
And Vale.
Who was being annoying.

Vale: BABY SHOWER
Me: I don't want a baby shower
Vale: every1 wants a shower
Me: I don't even know that many people
Vale; me, CC, Andy, Morgan, Vera, Mom, Sabrina, Sammi, Ella do I need to list more people?
Me: yes because that's barely any and I rlly don't want 1

"Leah, have you seen my batman jersey?"
"It's in the third drawer," I called; I had been the one to do laundry for the past two weeks.

Danny: y don't u want a baby shower? you get free stuff
Me: because it's awkward and it would b a disaster
Danny: nah have one sis you'd enjoy it seein different ppl
Me: I don't even know enough people to even have 1 Danny

"Leah?"
"Yeah?"
"Why don't you want a baby shower?"
Oh for fucks sake.
"Why are you asking?"
"Vale is texting me bitching."
I huffed.
"Because I dont, okay?"

Vale: bitch I will not take no as an answer I'm planning 1
Me: NO VALE
Vale: I'm doing it and inviting everyone
Me: NO 1 will show up
Vale: all of them will totes show.

"Leah?"
"What?" I was getting irritated. I glanced at the bedroom door, which was closed anyway so his voice was muffled.
"Vale says we're having a shower here?"
"Tell her no!"
"You tell her no!"
"Aren't you supposed to be on the phone?" I snapped, feeling mine vibrate in my hand as a new round of texts came in.

Danny: do I send my gift to u or vale?
Me: THERE'S NO SHOWER
Danny: so vale then

I glared down at my phone in irritation.
They were all turning against me.
I leaned back against the cushions, sighing. I'd never imagined getting pregnant, let alone having a baby shower, and I just knew it would be a disaster. I didn't have that many friends, anyway, so I knew there wouldn't be a lot of people going.
And when I thought of a baby shower or anything like that I thought of a huge amount of people.
My mother had always been great at planning these things, everyone had always asked her to be the one to help them with it.
If she wasn't such a demonic old bitch that I hated with every ounce of my being, this probably would have been something she would have helped with. As it was, I didn't even know if she knew I was pregnant, or even married, or even still alive for that matter.
I had literally just kind of ran away from her and hid at Vales house until we left for L.A.. I hadn't been able to face her after what she'd done to my back, and I could still remember her screaming at Vales mom trying to see me, knowing exactly where I was.
Vales mom had protected me, though. She knew something awful had happened and she hadn't let that woman get to me, she'd kept me safe.i don't know how I would ever thank her.

Me: do you think she knows
Danny: who?
Me: mom do u think she knows I'm pregnant
Danny: probably you're a pretty popular icon these days someone has been bound to tell her
Me: how mad do u think she is ?
Danny: does it matter ? Don't worry about her Liliya
Me: how can I not?
Danny: sis come on she doesn't matter in your life anymore you're free of her, who cares if she knows your pregnant ?

I cared. She was probably furious and calling me every variation of the word slut she could think of in all the different languages she knew. I could only imagine her haggard face when she realized her precious Liliya had lost her purity and had been tainted by a rock star no less.
Maybe she'd died from it.
If I had married Romochka like she'd wanted, I probably would have killed myself by now, or he would have beaten me to death, I wasn't sure which.
I'd never told her I'd lost my virginity to him, but I'd also been a scared sixteen year old dating a way older guy I never should have even been in contact with, and I'd been too afraid to tell him no when I should have.
That was my problem, I had always been too afraid to tell someone no or how I really felt.
I hadn't wanted to have sex with him, but I thought that he wouldn't have loved me if I didn't, and that he would leave me with my mother if I didn't do whatever I could to make him happy and want me around.
What an idiot I had been.
I wonder what I would have been like if I'd never met Romochka, if my teenage years had been normal?
I probably still would've been a virgin when I met Andy, and that would definitely have called for awkward times.
Then again, what if I had slept with Xavier when we met?
There were so many things I could have done differently.
Why didn't I do them differently? Why did I let Romochka bully me?
I sighed.
I suppose it didn't matter now, I couldn't change any of it.
And even if I could, what difference would it have made?
I suppose there was no point in worrying about it anymore, and I was really starting to crave some cream soda.
I just had to make it to the fridge.
I tried to scoot to the end of the couch, and struggled a moment, rolling like like a flipped over walrus.
I couldn't get up.
"Andy!" I called, needing his help; this was so stupid.
"What?"
"I need your help!"
I heard shuffling, then Andy trotted out of the bedroom, phone held loosely in his hand.
I sighed, and held out my hands, embarrassed.
He chuckled as he helped pull me to my feet, and I started to the kitchen immediately, craving cream soda with a new vengeance.
"Who are you talking to?" I asked, trying not to sound nosy but incredibly curious.
"Sarah from the studio; she's trying to help with our new album."
"Oh, okay," I sighed, pouring a glass.
So it wasn't Juliet? Now I did feel kind of bitchy.
I glanced over, seeing Andy staring blankly at the walls as he listened to Sarah. He hesitated a moment, then turned to look at me, pursing his lips.
"Uh, she wants to talk to you."
"What?" I blinked.
"Sarah. From the studio. Here." he looked disgruntled as he handed me the phone.
I hesitated, then pressed the phone to my ear. "Hello?"
He probably wasn't used to women not wanting to talk to him on the phone.
"Oh my god hi!" the girl literally squealed in my ear. "I can't believe I'm talking to you! I'm so excited!"
"Um, okay?" I gave a startled laugh.
"I'm sorry, I'm just such a big fan! I've been wanting to meet you forever! Congratulations on your baby and on marrying Andy!"
"Oh, thank you ---."
"Ever since your single 'burn,' came out, and you were so angry when you sang 'this time I'll burn it to the ground,' talking about your old town I was like yes! Listen to that passion! I LOVE IT! And then your screaming vocals with Motionless in White ---."
I grimaced, setting the phone down for a second and letting her talk to herself while I replaced the soda in the fridge, and I wandered back to the couch before putting his phone back against my ear, seeing she hadn't stopped talking for one second.
" --- couldn't believe the things that awful woman said about you, and now her daughter is dating your bassist! Like what the hell?"
"Whoa, wait, what? How do you know about that?" I asked, sitting down beside Andy. He looked kind of lost without his phone in his hand, and I leaned over, pressing my face against his neck. He slipped his arm around my shoulder, squeezing lightly.
"Like who doesn't know that? She posted a pic of them on her twitter like some kind of trophy! She even has a pic of your brother up there too, he's so freaking cute! Is he single? I heard he's in the military and that's so hot! I love a guy in uniform ---."
"Does Clara have pics with all the guys she's slept with on twitter?" I asked, letting the phone drop slightly.
"I'm not on there," Andy mumbled. "So no."
"Let's make sure we keep it that way," I sighed, raising the phone back up.
He frowned at me.
" --- and then my cousin was like, Russian? But they were born here? And I was like yes, duh, of course they were! I just love it when you freak out on people and go all different language like it is so cool! I can only imagine andys face when you two freak but like omg I was also reading this other article on babies and I know you're probably like so tired of being pent up in that house of yours and ---."
I let the phone drop again.
My god she never stopped talking.
"Is she always like this?" I sighed, and Andy nodded, chuckling.
"That's Sarah. She's sweet, though."
"I can tell."
I sipped my soda a moment, then lifted the phone back to my ear for the last time.
"Hey, Sarah?" I asked, interrupting her long spill.
"Yeah?"
"Do you wanna come to my baby shower?"

Notes

Sorry for the lack of updates, but here you go!
Vale really wants a a baby shower, huh?

Btw, I've started back up on my Ashley fic Make Me Feel Alive so check it out!