Finding Grace

Andy POV

"Where is she?" I bellowed as I kicked the apartment door open, several shocked faces turning to greet me. "What the fuck do you mean she isn't here?"
Everyone inside cringed.
"She was here," Vale fidgeted under my furious glare, the first time in my months of knowing her having the intelligence not to make some smart remark at me. "But when I went to check on her she'd disappeared. She left both of her apartment key's and it didn't look like she took anything with her."
Fuck!
"Where could she have gone?" I snapped, slinging my jacket off; I'd gone home looking for Leah, only for CC to call and say she was at Vales, and now that i was here I learned they'd lost her again!
How fucking hard was it to keep up with a pregnant woman? It wasn't like she could move fast!
It took her twenty minutes to move from the couch to the bedroom, come on.
God this was all my fault for being an asshole this morning.
I never shouldve called her a psychotic bitch, it wasn't her fault.
"Fuck," I muttered, running my hands through my wet hair. I'd got caught in the rare thunderstorm, and it pissed me off even more that Leah was off in this weather.
Did she not care about the baby whatsoever? She was being so fucking stupid!
Reckless!
Fuck!
"I've tried calling her but she won't answer," Vale looked on the verge of tears. "I don't understand, why would she leave? She couldn't have gone far."
"Has she been talking to anyone?" Clarke asked me, glaring at me like this was all my fault, and I suppose it was.
"Fuck, I don't know."
"You live with her! She's there all the time," Vale frowned at me.
"She talks to baby people --- and whoever the fuck Zaiv is." I scowled; I had a hangover to beat hell and everyone shouting was making my head pound. This wasn't how I'd planned this day to go.
"Zaiv?" Vale gasped as I said his name. "Xavier?"
"She said he was from the baby store," I shrugged, knowing it was a lie. "I've heard her talk to him a few times."
"Why would she be talking to Xavier?" Clarke muttered, his face pinching. "After all he did?"
"So where the fuck is Xavier then?" I frowned. Why would she go to him? She didn't even like him.
Hell, she was pissed at Nate because he'd been hanging out with their old pal, it didn't make sense.
"Does he still live over his club?" Vale frowned. "I can call him and ---."
Her phone abruptly rang and she snatched it off the table, relief flashing acrossher features.
"Leah! Where --- what?" she stiffened, and in the silence you could hear more thunder boom, shaking the ground.
"What do you mean she ---?" her eyes flicked to me. "Oh, I see. Yeah we'll be there in a few minutes, so will Andy --- my thoughts exactly."
She hung up.
"Well?" we all demanded.
She took a deep breath. "That was Xavier. On Leahs phone. She's at the hospital."
"WHAT?"
I was mad and scared at the same time.
"What happened? The baby ---?"
She was so fucking stupid! How could she risk our baby?!
"I don't know the details, we just gotta go," Vale muttered.
I was going to punch him again. Why would she go to him? Why couldn't she just stay the fuck at home like she was supposed to?
The closer I got to the hospital, the madder I became.
This was our freaking baby we were talking about! All she had to do was stay at home and sit on the couch, play games, read, cry over the TV --- that's it. Why she got it in her head that running off during a thunderstorm into the arms of an ex junkie was a good idea, I'd never understand.
I know I was an asshole earlier, but she was acting psychotic again.
Was she even taking her medicine?
I could remember how panicky she'd been before she got on it, and at least it would explain some of this.
Some.
I slammed on the brakes as I saw the hospital lot, quickly jerking the car into a spot before striding into the ER, Vale, Clarke and CC hot on my heels.
That blue haired fuck!
This was all his fault!
I could see him pacing in front of the chairs, and he only turned to glance at us when it was too late.
I punched him again.
"ANDY!"
"What the hell?" Xavier shouted as he fell back, clutching his jaw, the rest of the ER people looking at us in sudden panic.
"This is all your fault!" I hissed. "What the fuck did you do?"
"you're the asshole who made her feel so shitty she had to leave!" he hissed back at me, rubbing the bruise rising on his face. "If you gave her some attention maybe she'd think you cared. She didn't even want me to tell you guys!"
"Why not?" Vale stared him down. "Why wouldn't she?"
"She thinks none of you want her around."
"What?" I scowled. "That's not true."
"Hey, I just listened to her sob over it for the last two hours," he glared defensively at all of us. "Don't tell me its bullshit. You guys all did something to set her off."
"What's wrong with her?" Clarke asked, getting to ths point. "Why is she here?"
"She got so upset she started to cramp pretty bad, and she said the last time that happened it was at Warped." he looked worried. "I didn't know what else to do but bring her here."
Fuck.
I turned away and hurried to the nurses desk. "I'm looking for Leah Biersack --- Kabinov?"
I didn't know which name she'd be under.
"Are you family?" the nurse glanced me and the other guys over warily.
"I'm her husband."
Her frown only became worse. "Room seven."
She buzzed me back, and I strode through the back, finding room seven and stepping inside, seeing Leah hunched up as best she could, her hands over her face as she cried.
"Leah?"
She lifted her hands slightly, and then squeezed her eyes shut. "Go away!"
"No," I shut the door behind me. "What's going on?"
"GO AWAY!"
"NO!" I stepped over to her side and she cringed, as if just being near me was a punishment. "What the fuck is going on?"
"Nothing, I'm fine," she looked away from me, her eyes puffy and red. "He shouldn't have called, I made him promise."
"Leah, I'm your husband!"
"Well you're not acting like it!" she snapped, glaring at me. "You ignore me, yell at me, call me a psychotic bitch --- that's not something a good husband does!"
Well.
I shifted uncomfortably.
"Just leave me alone," she muttered, rolling away from me. "Go away."
"Do you want me to get Xavier for you then?" I almost snapped, clenching my jaw.
She sent me a vile look. "He treats me better then you've been÷"
"How the fuck can you say that?" I demanded, grabbing her arm and making her look at me. "I'm doing everything I can!"
"Of course you are," she snapped, straining away from me. "Running to Ashleys and getting wasted and missing doctors appointments and ---."
"Is that all you have to bitch about? Jesus, stop making me the bad guy!"
"I'm not!" she croaked, tears building in her eyes again. "And you're not the bad guy --- we never should have done this! We weren't ready."
"Done what?"
"Got married! We should have just stayed apart and everything would have been better, you wouldn't hate me and not want to come home," she sobbed, bunching again, and my grip on her arm slackened. "I wouldn't make your life so miserable."
I sighed, and sat on the edge of the bed, curling her into my arms.
That's what all of this was over?
Jesus.
"Angel, you don't make me miserable," I squeezed her shoulders. "You piss me off, but it's not that bad. And Ashley didn't mean it like that this morning, really. You he's just an idiot."
"I'm turning into my mother," she whispered, large tears seeping down her face. "I'm just like her. I'm driving you away and you don't want to come home and our baby ---."
I couldn't stand to see the pain on her face.
Not on my angels.
I leaned forward and pressed my lips against hers, tangling my fingers in her hair and holding her still. I made sure she didn't think I hated her, that I didn't want to not come home to her.
I pulled away breathlessly, stroking the tears from her pretty face. "I love you, Leah, you're not your mother. You're perfect. Marriage is bumpy, we'll get through this," I told her assuringly, caressing her red skin. "We'll make it work."
"Are you sure you want too?" she sniffled. "I can move out, it's okay."
"You're not going anywhere," I told her firmly, pulling her against my chest. "I'm not gonna let you leave me."
She shuddered, but pressed closer, which was always a good sign.
"Leah, why did you go to Xavier?" I asked after a moment, needing to know."
"I ---."
The door suddenly opened and Leah pulled away from me, blinking hastily as the doctor sent us a glance.
"How're we doing in here, Mrs. Biersack?"
So she had used my name.
I don't know why that made me relax so much.
"I'm cramping again," Leah sniffled, "and I've already gone into preterm labor, and ----."
"We've already run some tests, and it looks like you're okay." the doctor informed her, flicking through a rather thick clipboard. "Are you taking your medication as prescribed?"
Leah hesitated. "Yes."
That meant no.
"And you're on bedrest, so I'm assuming the friend that brought you here came to pick you up? Why didn't you call an ambulance?"
"He was a lot faster," she mumbled, hiding her face in my shoulder. I sighed, rubbing her arms.
"Well, from the tests, it just looks like your body became overly stressed again, probably becoming in the same condition it was the first time when you went into labor. Which is highly dangerous. In my opinion, I think you should be hospitalized for the remainder of your pregnancy to make sure you remain on bedrest."
Leah looked horrified.
"However," the doctor looked over her glasses sternly. "We usually on do that in the most extreme of cases, which would warrant one more extended stay hospital visit from you. So, I suggest you go home, never leave your bed again, and drink lots of water and take your prescribed medication. Is that going to work for you?"
"Yes."
The doctor was being kind of harsh. Leah already knew she was fucking up, it never went well to remind her of it.
"Good," the doctor smiled. "I'll let you two gather your things and be on your way. Would you like a wheelchair?"
"Eh, no, I'll walk."
"Very well then. Have a good day!" And she was gone.
"Well she's a bitch," I commented, rubbing Leahs back, and she merely sighed in response.
"Can we ... can we go home now?"
"Of course," I got to my feet, and helped her short frame off the bed, quickly shirking out of my jacket and slipping it around her shoulders.
"Whose clothes are you wearing?" I frowned, seeing the black Sepultura shirt hanging off her, too big even when she was pregnant; she didn't like that band.
"Um," she blushed slightly. "Xaviers. I was drenched when I showed up and he loaned me some clothes."
Which reminded me.
"Why did you go to him?"
She looked away, wringing her hands nervously. I wasn't going to let this go until she told me, I needed to know. Of all the places she could have gone, why him?
"Leah?" I pressed, closing my hand over hers.
"He was the last place I had to go," she finally whispered, the lighting in here making her look more sickly then she was. "No one else wanted me."
"What? How can you say that?" I stared at her.
"Vale said that I couldn't stay in the apartment," she sniffled, pulling her hands away from me and nabbing some tissues. "And I couldn't stay home, and I don't have anyone else. And he's ---."
"An ex junkie who runs a fucking drug club!" I snapped. "How could you take our child there? Just breathing there probably gave it a meth addiction!"
She narrowed her wet eyes at me; I didn't want to piss her off, but I wanted to make sure she knew how bad of an idea it was to go to him. He was a bad guy, he didn't do anything out of the kindness of his heart.
"He's the only one who seems to care about us right now!" she hissed at me. "At least he listens to me when I ask him about paint colors!"
"So you were lying to me!" I glared at her, and she rolled her eyes, looing flustered. "I fucking knew he wasn't from the baby store. Why are you even talking to him, Lee? This doesn't make sense!"
"What do you even care? You're never home anyway! You never listen to me or answer me or give me your opinion on anything without looking like I'm bothering you ----," she tossed her tissues away, her eyes reddening again. "You don't give two fucks!"
"How can you say that? I'm basically keeping you up!"
"WELL YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANYMORE!"
She abruptly stomped past me, and I clenched my jaw as she jerked the door open and stalked out like an angry three year old.
Don't lose your temper, I told myself as I followed her towards the waiting room, breathing through my nose like a bull whose seen red. She's in a bad place right now, completely out of her mind without her medication. She doesn't know what she's doing, she's ---- FUCK IT.
"When we get home, we're going to talk about this," I hissed in her ear as we reached the waiting room, and the look she gave me could have curdled milk.
"I'm not going back there with you!" she hissed back at me, and our guys froze where they had started towards us. "I'd rather live in the street then spend one more day in that fucking prison!"
"It's not my fault you're on bedrest to keep our child safe!" I snapped at her, grabbing her arm when she tried to whirl away from me. "You have to do as the doctor tells you, Leah! We're going home and that's it!"
"No!" she strained away from me, her face becoming pinched.
"Yes! Now come on, dammit!"
I was aware most of the waiting room was staring at us, including our bands, and the asshat Xavier who now had a pack of ice on his face. I didn't want to start a scene with her, but she was coming home with me right now, she didn't have a choice, and she was going straight to bed and I'd be damned if she ever left it.
"Let go of me," she hissed softly, blushing as she noticed all the people staring at us.
"No, we're going home, and I'm not letting go of you just so you can pitch a hissy fit to get your way." I snapped, just as soft, and her eyes widened angrily.
"Fuck you, Andy, this is all your fault anyway!"
"It takes two," I hissed back at her. "Don't blame me for everything!"
"You're the one who didn't wear a freaking condom!"
"You didn't exactly tell me too!"
"Guys!" Vale suddenly stood beside us, looking embarrassed. "This probably isn't the right place to be fighting about this. Why don't we all just get in our cars and go home?"
"I don't want to go with him!" Leah turned pleadingly to Vale, but I wasn't having that.
"You're fucking coming home, do you hear me?" I forced her to look at me. "I've had enough of this, Leah! This is our baby, you can't do this!"
Leah squeezed her eyes shut, as if not looking at me would make me go away, and she kind of cowered from my grip.
"Just let go!" she begged, and I could feel her muscles tremble under my grip. I hesitated, then slowly loosened my hand, becoming worried.
I felt like such an asshole.
It wasn't hard to forget all that she'd been through when she acted like it didn't matter so much of the time, but she'd been beaten down so many times, and it still hadn't been but maybe seven months ago that Romochka had attacked her and beat her up that last time before me and Ashley had gotten there in time, and I knew her hand still bothered her from where she'd punched him.
Getting physical with her was probably one of the worst things I could do, no wonder she was so upset.
I dropped my hand guiltily.
"Please, Leah, let's just go home, okay?" I said softly, and her eyes flicked to my face, she so lost in her misery I wasn't sure of her reaction.
I'd never seen her so out of control like this.
"Come on, Lee," Vale clucked, wrapping Leah up in her arms. "Let's go back to Andys, okay? It's the closest and you really need to get some rest, don't you?"
Leah just stood there stiffly.
"Leah," Xavier suddenly stood beside her, and I bristled glowering at him. He ignored me, turning her around and making her look at him. "Just go back to Andys for a little while, okay? You need to get some rest, and the baby probably needs somewhere stable, yknow? If my place wasn't such a mess, you could stay there, but right now Andys is the best place for you, and it has all of your things, and Gracies."
Leah raised her eyes to his; he'd used the baby name card. Why hadn't I thought of that?
It made it seem so much more real to use her name.
"So just, yknow, let's go. I'll even drive you," Xavier offered.
Like hell, I thought, opening my mouth.
"Okay," Leah whispered, and I froze, turning my eyes on her face.
What?
No!
I didn't want him driving her, I wanted the junkie as far away from her as I could possibly get him, even if that meant going all Jason on him and throwing his body into the ocean.
He was bad news for her!
Why did she like him better then me?
Xavier murmured something else in her ear as they turned away, walking slowly out of the ER.
I stared after them, feeling hurt.
"Don't take it personally," Clarke told me as he stepped over, CC slipping his arms around Vales waist. "Leahs not in a good place right now. This pregnancy is hard on her. I don't know why Xavier is here, but he's helping."
"He's only gonna make it worse," I muttered, starting toward the doors. "Do you have her keys?"
"Yeah," Vale fished them out of her pocket and tossed them too me. "Here. I'll follow you there."
"Fine," I muttered, stalking forward.
Why were we going downhill so badly?
Everything had went so well in the beginning!
And now... now it felt like we were close to our end.
Maybe marriage hadn't been such a good idea after all.

Notes