Finding Grace

I was beyond mad, I was fucking enraged.
He'd missed it.
He'd missed the doctors appointment he was supposed to take me to.
I'd had to call Vale and get her to take me, which made me fifteen minutes late and then made me wait two hours to get back in. I had left him and Ashley both messages all morning trying to get a hold of them, and at one point I was pretty sure I'd been sent to voicemail.
How could he do this? Just because he was mad at me and completely in the right to do so didn't mean he was supposed to make me late for appointments concerning our CHILD.
And then still not answer the phone and it three in the afternoon!
At first I'd cried for about twenty minutes, and then I'd gone into the doctor and listened to the babys heartbeat (it was definitely a girl), and been informed everything looked healthy and she was growing normally.
And that the butterfly feeling I was experiencing was her shifting, and soon she would be kicking.
Which I'm sure would just be fucking fantastic.
And I would've loved to have shared the good news with my HUSBAND IF HE WOULD ANSWER HIS PIECE OF SHIT PHONE.
I sat on the couch, wanting to scream and throw things and have an all out hissy fit.
Oh the urge to throw my laptop into his TV was strong.
If not impractical.
I sent him another furious text full of so many profanities I would have cringed at reading it on a normal day.
But this was no normal day.
Today I would murder him.
I could already see the headlines: neglectful, idiotic hot husband murdered with frying pan by hormonal pregnant wife.
And I would throw Ashley in there too.
I tried Andy one more time, getting voicemail.
Vale had been mad this morning at having to get out of bed to take me to the doctor, so it wasn't like she'd been a pleasant companion for several hours either.
So I knew she was on the warpath.
I stabbed Ashleys contact, calling him six times in a row shamelessly.
He made the mistake of answering.
"Leah ---."
"WHERE IS HE?" I nearly screamed at him. "I'VE BEEN CALLING ALL DAY."
"Leah ---."
"He missed the appointment, Ashley! WHAT DID I TELL YOU?"
"Lee ---."
"WHY ISNT HE ANSWERING HIS PHONE?"
"Jesus," he sighed. "He's right here, but if you keep screaming like that I'm not surprised he doesn't want to come home."
I quieted immediately, and my throat closed up.
He didn't want to come home?
"Why doesn't he want to come back?" I asked, my voice small.
I didn't understand, what had I done? Now I felt really bad about Xavier, but there was no way he could know about that so quickly.
Oh god.
Was he leaving me?
Had he decided enough was enough?
I started to cry.
"Shit, Leah, I didn't mean it like that!" Ashley burst, sounding mortified.
"Why doesn't he want to come home?" I wept, unable to help myself. "What did I do? Is he leaving me?"
I didn't blame him for not wanting to be married to a walrus.
"What? God no! Jeez, Leah, don't cry, I'm sorry --- here's Andy!"
"Leah?" Andy sounded tired and grouchy, even though he was shooting for a gentle tone I believe.
"Why did you miss the appointment?" I asked, trying to stop crying. "You knew when it was, it was important!"
"I know, I'm sorry --- I overslept. And then I knew you were mad at me and I ---."
"Andy, you can't do that! What if something had been wrong with the baby?" Why was he so stupid? "And I needed to tell you? Both of you just completely ignored me like I was some crazy stalker girlfriend!"
It was kind of how I'd acted, though, but whatever.
I was pregnant, cut me some slack.
Andy was quiet a moment, processing my words. "I'm really sorry, Leah. I'll be home in a few hours, okay?"
"No!"
"No?" he sounded startled.
"That's right, no! I don't want you here if you're going to act so immature when it comes to our child!" I was so furious again.
He just overslept? The only excuse I wouldve accepted was he'd chopped his dick off on accident and was having it surgically enhanced and replaced.
Because you know what?
His stupid dick was average!!!
THERE WAS NOTHING EXCEPTIONAL ABOUT IT.
"Leah, you can't tell me not to come back, it's my apartment," he snapped
"Fine!" I hissed, getting to my feet. "Then I'll leave!"
"Leah, you can't, you're on bed rest!"
"I'm not going to stay here by myself all the time while you go out and drink yourself into a petty stupor!"
"Don't you fucking leave that apartment, Leah, so help me ---."
"You'll what? You're not even here!" I shouted, slamming the front door angrily behind me as I made it outside. "So fuck you! I'm going wherever the hell I wanna go!"
"But the baby ---."
"SINCE WHEN DO YOU CARE ABOUT THE BABY?"
"DONT FUCKING SHOUT AT ME, LEAH, YOU PSY ---."
I ended the call before he could hurt my feelings worse.
I was going to Vales and I wasn't leaving.
Why did "going to Vales" seem equivalent to "I'm going to my mother's"?


Vale and CC stared at me when I strode into the apartment, my keys clenched so tight in my hand they cut my skin.
They were both snuggled on the couch watching TV, and their eyes bugged out of their head when I stormed through the front door like a tornado.
"Leah?" Vale gasped, jumping to her feet. "What the hell are you doing here? You're not supposed to leave the apartment!"
"Fuck the apartment!" I hissed, slamming the door shut, my face streaked with tears. "Fuck him! Fuck all of this shit!"
They stared at me more as I stomped to my old bedroom, flinging the door open against the wall.
My room was exactly as I'd left it, just with a lot less clothing.
"Leah, what happened?" Vale demanded, coming up behind me. "How'd you get here?"
"I took a cab." I sat down heavily on the bed, huffing for breath.
I hadn't missed those flights of stairs.
Jeez how had I made it up those before?
"Don't you tell him I'm here!" I burst as I spotted CC with his phone. "Don't you fucking dare!"
"Leah," Vale took my knotted fingers in hers, peeling my bloodstained keys from my hand with a grimace. "Sweetheart, I want you to tell me what happened, okay?"
"I hate him!" I burst immediately, rubbing my eyes as more tears started. "He's selfish! He doesn't care about our baby, he doesn't want to do anything! Everything is so fucked and I don't want to be this way anymore!" I sobbed, burying my face in my hands. "He doesn't love me!"
"Leah, that's not true! Why would he marry you if he didn't love you?"
"Because he knocked me up and his dad pressured him," I whimpered, completely losing it; that was always what I'd suspected the real reason to be, not because he'd actually wanted too.
His dad was old school, it was what he had wanted, not Andy.
Not me.
Not the baby.
He didn't care!
"Leah, honey, you know that's not true," Vale told me gently, wrapping me in her arms tightly and rocking me. "Don't cry. CC, I need you to call Clarke."
"Clarke? Why ---?"
"Just do it and tell him to come over!"
"Uh --- okay."
Poor CC, he had no idea.
I was having a mental breakdown, and whenever I had done this before (on more occasions then I cared to admit when my nightmares had gotten the best of me), Vale and Clarke would both take care of me and calm me down and make me feel safe.
"Why don't you get some sleep?" Vale murmured, rubbing my back. "You look exhausted."
"I can't sleep," I sniffled. "I can't get comfortable. Nothing helps."
I hated being pregnant. How could people enjoy this?
"Is there anything I can get you?"
"No," I rubbed my eyes. "I wish."
I wished I'd never gotten pregnant.
I wished we'd just broken up like a normal couple.
I wished I'd never met him.
"Leah? Vale?"
Clarke!
He'd gotten here fast.
I felt him sit down beside me, wrapping me into both of their arms like I needed.
"What happened, sweetheart? What's wrong?" Clarke asked me gently.
"I don't want to go back," I whispered, starting to feel embarrassed. I'd stormed out of the apartment with nothing except what I was wearing. It was Andys apartment, I couldn't exactly kick him out.
But I could leave.
Because that didn't feel like home to me, it never would. It was his place, not ours, not mine.
This was mine.
I still paid half the rent because my name was on the lease.
I didn't .... I hated the thoughts of going back to that apartment and sitting there for another few months stressing out.
I couldn't do it.
I never should have moved in with him.
Or married him.
It had been a mistake.

Notes

Looks like things are starting to go a little south for Andy and Leah!

Thanks for reading!

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