Ashlandil

Everything was black, like I was in a dark void, and there was an ache in my chest.
It was nice here, just letting everything go; I was looking forward to not existing anymore.
I let the darkness consume me, drag me farther down, until I almost didn’t feel anything all.
But I could hear something.
And it wouldn’t go away, wouldn’t stop making noise.
It kept bring me out of the darkness every now and then, making me go close to the surface of waking, and I resented it bitterly.
I'd lost everything again, I was no better then a demon, I didn’t want to live anymore. I didn’t want to be on this world and taint it with my presence any longer, kill anymore humans, hurt anymore people that I loved.
I didn’t have anything left to give anyone.
That had been taken away from me.
But, again, that annoying presence was there, dragging me up again, pieces of words breaking off into my mind that didn’t make sense.
Shopping? Fields? Mad and plenty?
Drama queen?
I was confused.
I drifted a little closer, more and more words filling my mind, making more sense as I could
hear them better.
Kenali.
"Please," I heard her begging me, and it sounded like she was crying.
I doubted that, she hated me so much.
I had been awful to her the entire time she had been here, tried to kill her once, run her off, forced myself on her when she didn’t want me, multiple times, actually. I had broken her down and tortured her, been bitter when she had a chance at happiness with the person she really wanted...
She couldn’t care for me any more.
Though she did have such a gentle heart.
My poor Kenali.
"It wasn't your fault!"
Everything was my fault.
Geneva had died because of me, again, her life cut short.
I wasn’t sure when I had done it, why I had or what had come over me--- but all I could smell was her blood, the awful horror of her lifeless brown eyes.
It was my fault.
"Ashlandil!"
Just go away, Kenali, just leave me alone. Let me finally get some peace after all these centuries.
Leave me alone...
"You're going to live, do you hear me?"
She was so pushy.
I tried to ignore her, forcing myself to sink back into the darkness, her voice becoming more and more muffled, as if I was hearing it through water, her words starting to drown away into nothing.
"If you die, so do I, do you understand? If you bleed out, I bleed out, because I won't go on without you."
Now who was being a drama queen?
Irritated, I struggled up, wanting to bitch-slap the idiocy right out of her.
Why couldn’t she just let me go? She didn’t love me, she didn’t want me --- Geneva had wanted me, and now she was dead.
I had nothing left, nothing to offer this world or to make it any better.
I felt sudden pressure against my chest, as if there was something laying against It, and a flash of uncertainty swelled through me.
What if Kenali was stupid enough to be serious?
Andiel would never forgive me if she died because of me, I would never forgive me.
But then again, if I was gone, I wouldn’t know anything about it, right?
Right.
But, what was she going to do?
She wouldn’t kill herself would she?
No, the little idiot would probably let herself bleed out, she was so stupid.
Why couldn’t she take care of herself?
Why did I always have to do everything?
I cursed her, bitterly.
"Don’t leave me," I heard her whisper, and I sighed.
I wasn’t going to leave her.
I wasn’t going anywhere.
I felt myself start to burn as I blinked several times, sunlight bright in my eyes as I gazed up at the ceiling, everything coming into focus.
I looked down, seeing Kenali sprawled across my chest.
"Little fool," I whispered, raising a hand and letting it drop on her waist. She didn’t move, and I sighed, forcing myself to sit up, my face raw.
Pain immediately consumed me, wrenching through my chest and out my eyes again, fresh tears burning as they crawled down my face, my indifference of the other
world disappearing in an instant.
I choked, and held Kenali against me, feeling my arms tremble.
She was so stupid.
I gently turned, laying her down on the bed and flicking my eyes over her.
Foolish.
I caught her wrist and lifted it up, seeing the black bruises running along the underside where she'd bitten herself over and over, the wound dripping with black blood that she hadn't bothered to close up.
Idiotic.
I pressed my lips against the wound, my tongue running over it to heal the wound, and then I shuffled her against the pillows, laying her down.
I turned away, and stared out the balcony doors, the sun starting to rise over the skyline, warmth spreading across my skin.
I didn’t want to live.
I didn’t want to be here.
This pain, this awful pain rendered me useless.
All I could do was sit there, sobbing, my fists clenched on my thighs.
Geneva, I'm so sorry. I thought I could do right by you, I thought we could actually have something, I thought... I thought...
I wailed pitifully, dropping my head into my hands, feeling the woe wrench itself from my stomach and through my chest.
Geneva, geneva!
All I could think about was her, her red hair, soft eyes, happy laugh that I had only gotten to enjoy a few times --- oh, how I'd desired her.
How I'd had her.
I'd pleasured her so much that night, shown her what it was like to be with a real man, one who knew how to take care of her --- and she had slipped right through my fingers again.
It was like trying to grab water.
And Kenali ---.
I turned, looking at her where she lay, black cirlces beneath her eyes.
She'd given me more then enough blood, much more then was even safe for her, just to keep me alive. She'd refused to let me go, despite all that I had done to her, and I wasn’t sure why.
She hadnt wanted me to go with Geneva, I had been able to tell that much, but I knew she didn’t have it in her to murder her.
She wasn’t a monster like I was.
And she had taken care of me.
She had carried me from that chamber and to here, bathed me, murmured soothing words --- taken complete and utter control, something I had never expected from her.
I hesitated, staring at her gray face, and then slowly turned, my body stiff and slow from where it had started to turn to stone.
I crawled over to where she lay, and pulled her limp form into my arms, holding her tightly, burying my face into her hair like a child to its mother, feeling fresh tears coat my lashes.
I needed her.
I needed her to.... I wasn’t sure.
I just knew I needed her, and she claimed to need me.
She shivered, and I sighed, pulling away enough where I could see her face.
She needed blood.
I wasn’t sure if it helped, her giving me all her blood and then me giving it right back, but she detested human blood, and she needed something.
I sliced my wrist open with my nail, and let it drip slowly between her parted lips.
After a few minutes, she stirred, her eyes fluttering, and I licked my wound, healing
the thin skin.
She frowned, her eyes creaking open slowly, gazing up at me.
"Ashlan," she mumbled, her cold fingers pressing against my chest.
Then she blinked, abruptly sitting up, her eyes widening. "Ashlan!"
Before I could speak, she was wrapping around me, clutching me against her tightly.
"You're okay! I was so scared, I didnt' know what to do for you," she whimpered, her nails digging into my skin. "You're so stupid! Don’t you ever do anything like that ever again, do you hear me?"
I sighed, and just held her, not saying a word.
I didn’t have it in me to make anymore promises I couldn’t keep.

Notes