My Fallen Angel

"Don't fight me," I hissed, forcing Ashlandil onto his back.
The sun was starting to rise, and the band had to leave in a few hours for their next stop, so we couldn’t keep doing this.
I was straddling his hips, forcing him down, my wrist pressed tightly against his lips. He was choking on my blood, trying not to drink It, but I refused to let him die on me; he had taken care of me for so long, now I would do the same.
"DRINK!"
I think he almost glared at me.
Almost was good!
It was a start, at least, because I'd been doing this for hours now and losing so much blood myself was absolutely exhausting me.
I could feel the strain on my body, and I was huffing to breath; my arm was almost numb from all the pain of giving blood to another angel, despite I'd bitten myself.
Andiel...
If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t know what to do.
I didn’t want Ashlandil to die, I couldn’t stand the thought of It.
Just because she died again.... I mean, it wasn’t like she wouldn’t come back another time! There was no telling how many times she'd come back to life and lived perfectly fine, he was being overdramatic about this.
"You're sucha drama queen," I hissed down at him, pressing my wrist harder against his lips until I felt his teeth. I pinched his nose where he couldn’t breath, and he jerked under me, his
tears still flowing. "This is fucking ridiculous, Ashlan!"
He started to move beneath me, having to swallow my blood if he wanted to breath.
I released my grip on his nose, pulling my wrist from his lips when I was sure he'd drank quite a bit.
My wrist was bruised black at this point I'd bitten it so many times, and the wounds were slow to heal, my blood dripping off my skin.
I was so tired now.
"I'm going to take care of you for as long as it takes, do you understand me?" I growled at him, pinching his cheek in a way I knew annoyed him to no end. "I will torture the fuck out of you before you ever get a chance to leave me here, do you understand?"
I think his eye twitched.
His tears were flowing a little less, and I quickly wiped them from his face with my thumbs, sighing.
I pressed my forehead against his, gazing into the dull red.
"Please come back to me," I murmured, swallowing hard so I wouldn’t cry. "Please, please, Ashlandil, don’t leave me here like this. Please come back."
Did he want me to beg? Because I would.
I would beg for him.
What else could I do?
I didnt have many other options.
"Do you remember," I spoke after a moment, wiping the tears from my own face, "the first time you took me shopping? It was a miserable experience for both of us," I sniffled, laying my head against his shoulder, snuggling closer. "But you did it because I didn’t have any other clothes, and you said I needed some, even though you insulted my style constantly."
I twisted a strand of his hair around my finger.
"You're always taking care of me. You made sure I didn’t kill Juliet, when all I wanted was to drop a building on her and crush her bones into splinters. You made sure I fed, plenty," my voice softened, "you showed me that this world wasn’t just pain, there was good things here. Good feelings. You cared for me, showed me friendship and, and love. I thought I knew love, but... there are different kinds."
I pressed my eyes against his neck, blocking out the light from the rising sun.
"You were so mad at me when you learned why I'd come here, what my first sin was going to be," I whispered, unable to stop talking. "And then I ran away, because I was scared, and I thought you didn’t want me to be around. But... but you can't run away this time, okay? You can't run away because you don’t know what to do, or because you're hurting, because we can get through this, can't we? We can get through this and we can survive together," my voice wavered. "We can do this, Ashlandil, we can. I dont know how to survive without you.
"When you wake up, we can still leave, if you want too. We can, we could go to your country house, didn’t you say you had one? We can go there, and get away from all of this, and just be free. We could run through fields, race each other, play," one o my favorite memories was us running through the bright fields all those months ago, the sun warm on our back.
I wanted that again.
Everything had become so miserable.
"We have so much we still have to do," I started to weep. "We have so much we can do, Ashlandil, you can't give up now. We can't. Please, please wake up. You didn’t hurt her, you didn’t, it wasn’t your fault ---."
I choked up, and I couldn’t speak anymore, just cried silently.
He wasn’t moving under me at all, I was failing miserably at this.
I doubted he could even hear me.
What if I was just making it worse?
I had never been so helpless.
I rose up slightly, gazing at his gray face, his veins starting to show through his skin his blood was so low.
I hesitated, worried, cupping his face.
"You're really going to drag this out, aren't you?" I murmured, caressing his skin.
He didnt respond, face blank of emotion.
I sighed, and lifted my wrist to my mouth again.
I made an involuntary sound of pain as I bit into my flesh, my fingers spasming immediately.
I pressed the open wound to his lips, it bleeding freely, my body too weak to heal it immediately. I leaned forward, the tips of my hair brushing his cheeks, and I could feel the sun on my back from the windows, spreading across the room over our skin, warm.
I was still breathing hard, and my shoulders were slumping.
I was getting really tired, and he was fighting me again, trying not to swallow.
"Please," I mumbled, leaning closer, hardly able to keep myself sitting up on him anymore.
I felt sick, dizzy, and I let myself fall forward, feeling my wrist slip off his lips.
I sighed, feeling defeated and hating myself for it.
I didn’t have enough blood for this, but I was afraid that if I didn’t keep giving it to him, he would weep it out before I had a chance to do anything for him.
I slumped weakly, my arm jerking, but I couldn't feel any pain in it.
I could hardly feel anything.
"You know," I whispered, my lips inches from his ear the way I had fallen, "I thought I hated you for the longest time... because of the way you made me feel about myself that day. But I don’t hate you, Ashlandil, I don’t think I could. You hate yourself enough, I believe. But you shouldnt... you're not a … bad... person..."
I was trailing off, unable to even keep my eyes open, and I swear he moved.
I felt drained, like I was going dry, and it irritated me.
I just wanted to take care of him, why did it have to be so hard?
I just didn’t want him to die!
I NEEDED him to live!
I forced my eyes open, and my left arm trembled as I forced myself over him, growing more and more angry that he was being so foolish.
"You're going to live, do you hear me?" I whispered at him, looking at my wrist where I continued to bleed, ruining the bed. "If you die, so do I, do you understand? If you bleed out, I bleed out, because I won't go on without you."
And if that didn’t make him live, I don’t know what could.
I looked at my wrist, but didn’t make a move to close the wound, just let it bleed.
Andiel would leave me, he wouldn’t come back down here for me, so what else did I have? i'd come for him, i'd accomplished my mission, I had nothing else, no other reason to keep going.
And if Ashlandil died, who else was there?
"Don’t leave me," I mumbled as I fell forward again, everything going black.
"Little fool."

Notes