My Fallen Angel

"You might be able to pull it off, yknow," Ashlandil said from the bedroom, and I glanced back towards the doorway from my position on the couch. "Being in their show, I mean. You probably won't be showing for a while yet."
I looked down at my stomach, my hand landing on it automatically. "But the show is an entire month away, and when they learn I'm pregnant ---."
"You don't have to tell them."
But I did.
I sighed, leaning my head back against the couch, watching him absently as he changed shirts, my eyes lingering on his Outlaw tattoo before it disappeared beneath his t shirt. He was going for a run or jog or something athletic, apparently.
"What am I supposed to do while you're gone?" I hated the whinny sound to my voice.
"Sleep, eat, watch TV --- the same thing you do while I'm here," he chuckled, leaning down to kiss me.
I caught him before he could step away, forcing him to continue kissing me for a few seconds longer, enjoying his taste a little more then usual.
I was disappointed when he pulled away, and I let my hand drop into my lap unhappily.
I wanted to keep kissing him.
Ashlandil hesitated a moment before striding around the couch and stopping in front of me, offering his hands.
"Cmere."
"Why?"
He rolled his eyes.
"Just stand up, would you?"
I frowned, but did begrudgingly.
My feet hurt sometimes, oddly enough, so I preferred sitting.
His hands slipped around my waist and beneath my shirt, his lips automatically going to my neck, sending shivers down my skin. I closed my eyes, leaning into him.
"You're getting hungry, Kenali," he murmured in my ear. "You'll need to feed soon."
"But I don't want too," I muttered, scowling. I gasped as I felt his teeth suddenly graze my sensitive spot, the sharp tips of his fangs leaving marks against my skin. I pressed close to him, feeling one hand slip low onto my jeans, giving a harsh squeeze.
"I don't think you're going to have a choice," he chuckled, abruptly letting go of me completely. "Your body is hungry, and you need to feed it, especially for the little bugger in there," he motioned at my stomach as he started to pop headphones into his ear. "You don't want the black veins getting ahead again and doing what happened last time."
I glared at him for the reminder.
And mostly because he'd left me slightly needy and not wanting him to go.
I ran my fingers through my hair in aggravation.
"I suppose. But what am I going to do about the dance studio? I don’t even have a last name to put on that application," I grumbled, turning away from him to look down at it where the multiple pages were sprawled across the coffee table.
"I have one for you, and don’t worry about it, I'll get you a fake identity."
"A what?"
"Don’t worry about it. Don’t you wanna know the name I came up with?"
"Not really," I glanced back at him, seeing his disappointed face, and I chuckled. "What is it, Ashlan?"
"Dansereaux."
"Dahn-zer-roh?"
"Yep. To dance in the rain. Fits, doesn’t it? Kenali Dansereaux."
"My name doesn’t really match ---."
"It doesn’t have too, I like it," he rolled his eyes. "And you can always just change it over to my last name."
"Oh yeah, because you're my fiance," I snorted, crossing my arms. "Because it's possible for us to actually marry."
"It IS possible," he rolled his eyes, looking away from me and at his phone. "We just wouldn’t be able to follow all the rules of it, yknow. We cant be monogamous, obviously. And we'd literally be together until the world ended, because I'm assuming the 'until dead do you part' jazz works for us too. So, I mean, it's not out of the question."
He had thought a lot about it, apparently.
I just kind of looked at him, surprised.
"Why would you want to get married? That's only something humans do. I've never heard of an angel doing it."
"Well, you've not been here very long," he snorted in response, placing his other headphone in his ear. "And, I mean, if the angel really cares about one of the mortals, I've heard of one or two marrying them until they died."
"Yeah, but that's a mortal. They die quickly. Angels don’t ---."
"I know. Sad the lifespan thing complicates shit, right? I'm going for a run."
And before I could say another word, he was gone, disappearing out the door.
Well.
Did he want to get married? I wondered, slowly sitting down on the couch again, staring down at the papers sprawled in front of me.
I didnt understand.
Sigh.
Why was Ashlandil so complicated sometimes?
And I really didnt want to worry about something like that right now. I wanted to worry about these papers, how I could possibly fake them so I could dance at the studio.
I lifted them up, letting my eyes run over some of the questions asked.
I tilted my head.
What was a social security number?


"I'm hungry," I complained, shifting unhappily.
"You just ate, Kenali."
"So? I'm still hungry!"
Ashlandil rolled his eyes.
He'd come back yesterday with some plastic IDs, officially calling me Kenali Dansereaux, a smug grin on his face. I apparently had a license, and now I knew what social security was, though I wasn’t sure why I needed it.
So I'd filled out the application, or rather Ashlandil did it for me, putting a ridiculously high number in the spot for requested pay. When i'd commented on it, he'd just said they needed to pay if they were going to have an angel dance for them; apparently there was something to do with the demand meeting the price?
Or did it go the other way?
I couldn’t remember now.
I shuffled again, and rolled over onto my side on the couch, my legs in his lap. He was reading some papers, I wasn’t sure what they were, and I didn’t really care, either. I was pretty sure it was something to do with his business, because he had his focused, serious face on like he did when he was really into what he was doing.
I felt his phone start to buzz against my calf.
"Here, answer this," he grunted, fishing it from his pocket and tossing it at me without even looking at it. "I don’t have time. Tell them I died or something."
"Don’t be so dramatic," I grumbled, barely glancing at the ID. "Hi, Jake."
"Er, hi, Kenna. Is Ash around?"
"He said to tell you he died," I yawned, and Ashlandil sent me a dirty look as Jake chuckled in my ear.
"Busy then, is he? Fine. I just wanted to let him know that the studio called, we're supposed to be coming back in next week to get started on our new album."
"What? But you've barely been home two weeks!"
"Yeah, the life of a rockstar," Jake sighed, and I heard someone laugh in the background.
"So how are you doing?" He then asked, and I scowled, shuffling the phone against my ear.
"I’m good, just bored."
"Bored already?"
"Yes! Ashley is too busy with his paperwork right now to actually go out and do anything."
"Okay, did we not just go fucking shopping the other day?" Ashlan demanded, dropping the papers on my legs as he turned to glare at me. "And go pay that fucking tuition? And ---."
"Blah blah blah! Go back to reading," I huffed, waving my hand in annoyance, and he rolled his eyes.
"Well, sounds like you two are getting along famously."
"Just like we always are," I grumbled, burrowing my face into my arms. "Nothing's any different."
"Nothing?" Jake's tone sharpened a little bit. "I assumed with the baby things would get better ---."
"Oh, they are, like that," I said quickly, feeling my face start to redden. "I didn’t mean it a bad way, it's ---."
"Wh--- Kenna, hold on a sec," Jake suddenly shuffled, and I wrinkled my nose as Ii heard a crackling sound. "Fine, woman! Look, Ken, I gotta go, but I'll call back later, sound good? Make sure to tell Ash."
"I will."
And Jake was gone.
I slipped Ashlan's phone onto the coffee table, feeling my stomach start to rumble.
We had to have more food.
I crawled to my feet, and then padded to the kitchen, the tiles cold against my bare feet as I opened the fridge, scowling when I didn’t see anything appetizing. I turned, glancing at the fruit bowl.
Oranges.
Oranges sounded wonderful.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm peeling an orange, want one?"
"How can you eat so much human food all of a sudden?" I felt his eyes land on me. "You barely touched the stuff before unless for appearances."
"Well, I'm hungry, I can't help it," I mumbled, feeling more and more embarrassed. "It's like I'm craving it now, and I can't get enough. And we're out of strawberries."
"I bought three cartons last week!"
I just shrugged, popping a piece of orange in my mouth, loving the way it tasted. I sighed, annoyed with how the juices ran down my fingers and made them sticky.
"Have you thought about any names yet?"
"Names for what?"
"Kenali. Really. The baby. Have you thought about names?" Ashlandil rolled his eyes, tossing his papers onto the coffee table and spreading his arms along the back of the couch as he looked over at me.
"Oh. Well, no, I havent." I shrugged. "I don’t see a point unti we know its gender. How long do I have to wait, anyway?"
"I dunno. I think its about sixteen weeks in, at the earliest. You're not even six yet."
"That's going to take forever!"
"Time will go by faster then you think." He shrugged, watching as I watched my hands, sated by eating the stupid orange.
I hardly even liked human food before, now I couldn’t get enough of it.
I plopped back down onto the couch in the crook of his arm, snuggling up as close as I could get, craving bodily contact.
It kind of annoyed me, to be honest.
On one hand, I didn’t want to be okay with Ashlandil again, not after what had happened between us, how I had felt after what he'd done. But at this point, after all that we had gone through, and as much pain as we'd put each other through and the fact he hadn't abandoned me through all of it, I couldn’t imagine hating him now.
He really was the only person I had.
I just wanted to forget that it had ever happened.
He might not make the best decisions, but he usually tried to have my best interests at heart, and I suppose that was what mattered.
I snuggled closer, letting my face rest against the side of his neck, feeling sleepy. I liked being around him, admittedly.
And it was almost like things were back to the way they had been before, before I'd left him and Andy had come fully into the picture. I felt safe in his arms again, I wasn’t afraid he was going to do something to me, either.
I guess I was trusting him again.
Ever since I had found out I was pregnant, Ashlandil had been at my side. Sure, he'd wanted me to get rid of it, and honestly, it was what I should do. Bringing the child into the world would probably bring more grief then was necessary, especially considering the circumstances, but I couldn’t imagine doing something like that, despite it was just a vessel right now.
But I wasn’t going to deny this soul a new chance at life.
I wanted it, the opportunity it presented me.
I would never have another chance to raise a child, not one of my own flesh and blood, not one of mine and Andiels.
That would never happen again.
This was the one chance I had.
And I intended to take full advantage of it.
"Kenali?"
"Hmm?"
He was lightly stroking the back of my hair, and it was calming.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Mhmhmm."
"If.... would you.... fuck. I don’t even know how to ask," he sighed, turning his head so his lips pressed against my forehead. "I know you'll say no to me."
"You don’t know if you don’t ask."
He gave a pained sigh.
"You would never marry me, would you?"
What?
That again?
I hesitated, and let my eyes open.
"Ashlandil... its permanent. Between angels. And you said the only times you'd heard of it were between an angel and a human."
"I know, I figured you wouldn’t be up for it," he sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "I just wanted to ask and see."
I sighed, and pressed a kiss on his neck. "I'll think about it."
It was stupid, I knew that. Us marrying would be a complete mockery. Angels werent meant to even love, we were supposed to be God's warriors, watch over man kind and follow His orders without question, do as our father and creator bid.
But when Lucifer fell, it changed everything.
And it was still changing.
And I didn’t know if it would be okay or not.
Being together was normal, angels tended to group together so the painful longing for home wouldn’t be so harsh, but marrying, well.... the love we felt for each other would have to be eternal, and I'd never seen a love so powerful it would stand the harshness of time.
There was no such thing as everlasting love.
Not even for Ashlandil.
He said he loved Geneva, but I wasn’t sure it was the same love he thought it was. He'd Fallen for her, and when she'd died, I think he had worked it up so much in his mind, she was the most pure and heaven-like creature he'd ever laid eyes on, and he only thought he loved her so strongly.
I didn’t believe he did.
Because if that was true, I believed he would still be grieving after her, where he hadnt mentioned her once since he'd learned of my pregnancy. He hadnt spoken of her, made any inclination she even crossed his mind.
I already knew he was overly dramatic, but it was one of the things I liked about him so much.
And I wasn’t in love with him, I knew that.
I loved him, but not with that deep, heart-aching, warm feeling like I had with Andiel.
Though, even now, I was starting to question it.
What if I had Fallen prematurely?
I had already been breaking the rules when I'd developed feelings for Andiel, and after hearing Seraphines story, I couldn’t help the fear that he had just used me. I knew he was trapped inside that mortal body, that he couldn’t just keep appearing whenever he wanted, but...
But you'd think....
"Kenali, baby, what's wrong?" Ashlandil suddenly sounded startled, and I blinked a few times, raising a hand to my face in surprise as I realized it was damp.
I didn’t realize I'd started weeping.
"N-nothing," I hastily wiped at my face.
"Baby, what's wrong?" He pushed himself straighter, forcing me away from his shoulder, and I shook my head quickly, feeling ridiculous.
"I don’t know why I'm crying," I sniffled, feeing more seep over my lashes. "What's wrong with me?"
"Nothing's wrong with you," he cooed, stroking my hair out of my face, pieces of it damp. "You're just.... emotional. Pregnancy will do that."
I sniffled.
"This is stupid!"
"I know it is," he chuckled, shoulders relaxing, and I let my eyes draw down to them.
He was only wearing a tank top, and my eyes traced the muscles in his arms where they met his torso.
He had strong shoulders.
He was able to carry so much on them.
My poor Ashlandil!
Irrationally, I leaned forward, kissing him forcefully.
I wasn’t sure why I suddenly wanted too, it was like my brain was suddenly on autopilot. I felt him hesitate, and then he kissed me back cautiously, his fingers tangling in my hair. I pressed closer to him impatiently, my arms wrapping around his neck until I was almost in his lap.
His fingers slid down my ribs, brushing my exposed skin lightly before resting on my thighs.
God I was so hungry, it was ridiculous!
I kissed him harder, craving his skin against mine so strongly I couldn't help myself, and he groaned against my lips as I straddled him, his hands roving around to squeeze my ass harshly, my thin sweat pants hardly a barrier between him and my bare flesh.
"Mmph, Ken, wait." he suddenly gasped, and his face turned away from mine abruptly.
"What?" I blinked, startled.
What the hell?
"I think we need to get some sleep. You're tired." he burst, and I felt myself moving. I blinked in astonishment as he sat me on the cushion beside him, flushed and flustered.
I wasn’t tired.
"I'm not tired."
"Well, I'm tired, and I'm going to bed," he said abruptly, rising to his feet, and I scowled up at him in confusion.
He wasn’t tired.
"It's like eight."
"So?"
"Ashlan ---."
"See you in bed!"
What the hell?

Notes

So, have any of you heard of Vanity Strikes? Well, there's this drum cover for their song N.A.S. that is BAD ASS, and you guys totally need to go listen to it!

Here's the link, because I like sharing the things I find on the internet so much. Plus I'm sure the dude would appreciate the views to his vid
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkAXWLNzNZc

And still enjoying MFA? I appreciate you guys hanging around and reading!