All I Can See Are These Flames Around Me

Andy could only take another two weeks off to recover before leaving to go out on the road. And Amy had only stayed with us for three days before she left as well. I guess she realized that I could handle taking care of him all on my own.

The night prior to Andy leaving for tour was absolute fucking hell. At first he had decided that he didn't want to go. Then once he had come to terms with leaving me and our munchkin, all he wanted to do was have sex. When I told him that I was in not in any physical state to have sex, he got so pissed off that he refused to talk to me for about three and a half hours. Eventually he broke down and spoke to me again when he found me gagging the contents of my stomach in the bathroom.

After I had pulled myself together, Andy apologized for his actions. I knew his mood swings were just from his medications. Prednisone will do that to you. We ended up just going to bed and laying curled up against each other until dawn broke and he had to leave me.

For the first two weeks he was gone all I did was go to work, pretend to be interested in my college classes, go to appointments with my midwife, and spend what little free time I had with Katie and Brit.

By the two week mark of Andy being on tour I was so fucking bored and missed my Batman so much that I just had to get in touch with Jon to plan for a day of Warped Tour where I could visit. It took a little work but when we finally agreed on a date that worked, it was decided that I would meet up with the guys when Warped got to Massachusetts.

Arriving at Logan airport I found a very excited CC and a not so excited Jon. They both hugged me though and told me that they were glad to see me. When we got to the Comcast center CC ran off to hang out with his friends and Jon simply handed me a map and a pass that would get me to the bus before going his own way.

Which is just wonderful. They decided to leave a very hormonal twenty-five week pregnant women to make her way through Warped Tour all by herself in the sweltering New England heart. They're clearly gentlemen.

I sighed and began to slowly walk towards the buses. Figures my first time at Warped tour in years it’s hot as hell. At about the halfway point of my walk, a familiar-ish looking guy was walking near me. Chris Motionless from Motionless in White was looking me over through his dark sunglasses.

"Nikki, is that you?" Chris, who I had met at a photoshoot Andy had dragged me to, continued to eye me.

"Duh, it's me, Chris!" I cried, giving him a huge hug.

"Since when have you been with child?" He asked, carefully hugging me back.

"Well, since about five months ago. I was pregnant at that photoshoot. You just couldn't tell yet." Sticking my tongue out at him, Chris just laughed.

"Hey, give me your bag. You shouldn't be carrying that." Finally, I've found a fucking gentleman.

Happily I slid my backpack off my back and handed it to Chris. He slung it over his shoulder.

"So, is it Andy's then?" He asked with a smile on his face.

I nodded. “Sorta.” My response only earned me a sideways look from Chris.

“What do you mean ‘sorta’?” Chris was staring down at me, clearly very confused.

“Well… the baby is biologically Ashley’s but Andy is the father.” He looked even more confused than he had before.

“Would you like to further explain that?” Chris was still looking at me like I was nuts.

“Well… Ashley and I fucked then he raped me. Andy found me and he wanted to help and bam here we are today.” Chris didn't quite seem to know what to say back to that.

“Damn… That’s just insane. I want to say I’m sorry but I’m not really sure what to say.” Kicking at rocks near his feet Chris put his hands in his jean pockets.

“It’s fine. Everything is better now.”

The rest of the way to the buses Chris and I caught up a little. We were having a good time until we got to MIW's bus. Chris embraced me, then instructed me to come see him later in the day when I was done with Andy. Bidding Chris a goodbye I promised that I would be by later. If I can remember where his bus is...

The walk from MIW's bus to Black Veil Brides’ wasn’t all the far, actually it was probably four or five buses away. I grinned when the oh so familiar bus came in sight. I honestly can’t wait to see Andy! He’s going to be so excited to see me. My visit is kind of a surprise. Opening the door I walked up the steps and onto the air-conditioned bus. God bless whatever perfect soul left the AC on.

“Hello?” Calling out I hoped to get Andy’s voice, but I internally groaned when I walked father in and found Ashley sitting on the couch with a book in hand.

Wow, I didn't think he could read. I honestly would have expected him to be out looking for another girl to take advantage of.

“Hey.” Not looking up from his book Ashley greeted me.

My stomach twisted. I don’t know how I feel about being alone with him.

“Where’s Andy?” Dropping my bag on the couch across from him I tried really fucking hard not to act bothered by the fact that he was so close to me.

Ashley closed his book and set it on the arm of the couch. His gaze was cold, but it immediately softened when he saw the bump had taken over my midsection. I had just recently really begun to show. And I'll be honest, I'm rocking the baby bump pretty well.

"I think he's out mingling with fans or something like that. But I'm not entirely sure." I was mildly confused when Ashley started to stumble and fall all over his words. That's not very Ashley-like at all.

"Oh, I should have thought of that. Thank you..."

An awkward silence fell on us. Ashley was still staring at my stomach as I sat down beside my bag. I sighed trying to think of something to say, but Ashley was the first to break the terribly awkward silence.

“Nikki?” Raising my eyebrow, I turned to look at him.

“Yes?” Placing a hand on my stomach I caressed the tiny life inside me.

“C-can I?” Ashley cautiously motioned towards my stomach.

“Oh...” When I realized that he wanted to touch my belly, I was pretty fucking shocked. Up until now Ashley had steered clear of me and the baby that was biologically his. I just figured that our child and I were dead to him. "Sure?"

Not completely sure if what I was doing was a good idea, I watched as Ashley slowly knelt down before me. His hand shook just a little. I didn't realize how nervous this exchange between us was making him. I guess he doesn't hate me... His hand careful came to rest on my stomach.

As if the baby knew that it's true father was showing it affection, he kicked. This caused Ashley's eyes to brim with tears. I don't know what's more shocking to me, Ashley being nice to me, or the fact that he's in tears.

After he had shared a moment with his son, Ashley pulled himself together and he moved to sit on the couch next to me. His legs touched mine, which made me incredibly nervous. Not that I would say something, only because I didn't know what to say. I swallowed hard when Ashley gently stroked my cheek before his lips brushed against mine.

I wanted to scream, to push him away. But someone else beat me to speaking.

“WHAT THE FUCK!?!” My heart nearly stopped when I recognized that voice.

Andy.

Finally gaining my voice back, I pushed Ashley off me. "A-A-Andy..." I stuttered, tears clouding my eyes.

Jinxx and Jon, who had been walking in the bus behind Andy saw the scene before them and saw the terror in my eyes. They knew that what had happened with Ashley wasn't my fault. Don't ask me how, but it's like they knew Ashley was just fucking with me to get to Andy.

Just as I was about to try and speak, Andy started screaming at me.

“NIKKI HOW COULD YOU!?” The tears that had been brimming in my eyes fell down my cheeks. Andy screaming at me like he was, only scared me. Pulling my legs up to my chest I hid my face behind my knees.

“Andy I don’t think-” Jinxx was trying to get Andy to stop, but that wasn't working.

“NO! HOW FUCKING COULD YOU NIKKI? I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU!!” I shrank further into myself the more he screamed.

“A-Andy I didn’t-” I was shaking so bad that Jon, who had thankfully escorted Ashley out of the room, was kneeling in front of me trying to calm me down.

“DON’T SAY YOU DIDN’T FUCKING MEAN TO! I KNOW THAT YOU FUCKING MEANT TO KISS HIM, YOU WOULD RUN BACK TO HIM AND LET HIM FUCKING RAPE YOU AGAIN, ANY CHANCE YOU FUCKING GOT!!”

This is a side of Andy I’ve never seen before. I hid my face behind my knees. Trying to ignore the horrible things that were being yelled at me wasn't working.


“Andy I think you need to-” Jon's attempt at peace was ignored.

“NO! SHE’S A WHORE AND THAT’S ALL SHE’S EVER GOING TO BE! OUT! I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN!” Where in the name of everything that is fucking holy did that come from?

This isn’t the Andy that I have come to love. What has touring done to him?

“I-I...” Before I could actually say a word I half ran half stumbled passed Andy, and got off the bus. I can't be here anymore. I can't be around Andy or Ashley. I need to go home.

I never should have fucking come to see him.

Notes

Goddamn, this story is so fucking old.
I went to see them play Warped Tour in MA that year.
Ahh... Good times.

Anyway, remember how the meds Andy had been taking before caused mood swings?
Consider this chapter what happens when you mix those pills with liquor.

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I love you all so much <3