Make Me Feel Alive

"These frames? Or these?" I asked, holding up a red pair and a black pair.
Ashley frowned at both of them.
"I liked the frame you had."
"Well, it's broke," I sighed, setting them both down. They'd already done my eyes and I'd put my irritating contacts in so I could see. Now I was just trying to find a frame and it was really going badly.
I couldn't believe he'd weasel ed me into this anyway.
He'd bought me way more groceries then I could eat in a month, even a few toys for Toby, surprisingly.
I'd vetoed getting a new dress, I didn't need one, and I was very set in my ways on that, I had to be.
Ashley wouldn't feel guilty and offer to buy me things forever.
I frowned, and lifted of a blue pair very similar to the my old ones, and Ashley appeared at my side.
"Put those on, I like those."
I sighed, but slipped them on my nose obediently.
"Yes," he beamed. "Those are perfect."
I frowned, turning toward the mirror.
They were really nice.
I did like them.
But how much were they?
I nearly swallowed my tongue.
Three hundred and forty nine dollars?!
Sweet god, no way.
I went to put them up, but Ash snagged them from my fingers, frowning.
"Don't you like them?"
"Yeah, I do, but ---."
"Then get them."
"But the price ---."
"Literally is no issue to me," he rolled his eyes. "They're cheaper then my sunglasses."
"It's wasteful to pay so much for something so simple," I muttered unhappily, and he chuckled, squeezing my hand.
"You only say that because you're a Scrouge."
"It's am not a Scrouge!" I gasped, scowling at him as he lead me to the counter and handed the frames to the woman. "Don't be mean."
"I'm not being mean," he turned to look at me; I was just as tall as him in yes heels, so we were eye level. "But you have to splurge on yourself sometimes. It's therapy."
He just didn't understand.
I couldn't afford to splurge, I couldn't afford to even ride the bus to work at the rate I was going. Those student loans were going to drain me dry and my stupid degree was basically useless.
Going to college had been a total waste of time for me.
I sighed, and Ashley pressed his lips to my knuckles affectionately as he walked me over to the couch in front of the windows; this was a really upscale eye doctor, one I never would have been able to go to before.
Probably never again.
"So, you wanna get some dinner after this?" he asked slightly, his thumb stroking my palm. "We can get whatever you want. Chinese, tacos --- there's that little burger joint that Toby likes the fries from ---."
"Ms. Tate, your glasses are ready."
Oh thank god.
He was starting to freak me out with all his niceness.
I hurried over to the counter, and quickly took my contacts out so I wouldn't give myself a headache. I slipped my new glasses on my nose and turned to the mirror, blinking.
These looked better on me then even my others did.
"Perfect!" Ashley told me, and turned to the lady. "Very perfect."
She smiled, and slid the bill across the counter, obviously dazzled by his charms.
I didn't even want to look at the bill as he handed her his credit card; I don't even think he did.
I sighed, waiting impatiently for him by the door.
I was ready to leave.
When he finally trotted to my side, we started off across the parking lot, my heels loud on the concrete. I hurried to his little sports car before he could open my door, growing more and more aggravated.
I didn't want him to keep treating me this way, it was making me feel awkward.
"So, where to now?" he asked brightly, buckling his seatbelt.
"Can we just go home?" I sighed, feeling tired. "I'm not hungry."
"Of course," he sent me a hesitant look. "Is everything alright?"
"Yes, I'm just --- just tired," I gave him a smile. "You don't mind, do you?"
"No, whatever you want."
This was so annoying.
Where had his argumentative Ness gone?
He was trying too hard, as if he was my boyfriend and we were on the verge of breaking up, or as if I was as fragile as glass.
I wasn't fragile.
I could take care of myself.
I sighed, and the ride back to my apartment was quiet, I staring out the window most of the time.
I really was tired, I wasn't lying, I'd barely slept any last night. I just couldn't make myself fall asleep.
Ashley walked me up the stairs, unusually quiet, as if he knew something was up and didn't want to speak for the fear of the issue rising to the surface.
I sighed again as I unlocked the door and stepped inside, Toby immediately pouncing and curling around my legs, purring loudly until he realized Ashley was behind me, then he began hissing like usual.
"You'll like me some day," Ash sighed as he closed my door behind him. "Eventually."
"I wouldn't count on it," I told him, taking off my heels and letting them fall beside the couch. "You know how hateful he is. Gifts aren't going to win him over."
"Yeah, I know," he frowned, glancing at me. "He's just like his owner."
I snorted, dropping my.purse onto the coffee table, stifling a yawn.
"Morgan?"
"Hmm?"
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah," I bobbed my head, not looking at him, my dark hair falling on either side of my face.
I was just tired, a little stressed
Okay very stressed.
And he was freaking me out.
and I just wanted to sleep for like ten years.
"Hey," Ashleys hand lightly rested on my shoulder, and I hesitated, glancing back at him, "do you want anything? Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine," I insisted, turning in his arms. I pressed my face against his neck, and he let his arms rest comforting ly around my waist. "Really."
"You don't seem fine," he mumbled into my hair with a sigh.
It didn't matter.
I pressed closer to him, just kind of wanting him to stand there and hold me.
And he did.
He wrapped his arms around me tightly, holding me against him, and we just stood like that for a little while.
It was nice.
He pressed his lips against my neck, then pulled away, stroking my hair on either side of my face.
"Don't go to work tomorrow," he murmured, kissing my nose. "Stay out. Stay with me. Quit. You don't have to work there."
"I like working there," I mumbled, pulling away. "It's a good job. And since he's not there then ---."
"What if they don't fire him, huh? You can't both work there!"
"Then I'll quit, I'll find something else," I huffed, looking down. I couldn't afford to quit, I'd just have to deal with it. I needed the money more then anyone else realized.
"Morgan, why are you making it so difficult?" he grumbled, curling me against his chest.
"I'm not. I'm --- what are you doing?" I almost eeked as he abruptly lifted me up into his arms, carrying me toward the bedroom.
"I'm putting you to bed."
"Wh--- Ashley!"
"You said you were tired," he grunted, tossing me down. I bounced a moment, my skirt ending up around my waist by the time I managed to catch myself, and I jerked it down hastily, embarrassed.
I wasn't sure why, he'd already seen everything I had to offer.
He crawled over me, pressing soft kisses to my collarbone and up my neck, my fingers curling into the sleeves of the white shirt he wore.
I really wasn't in the mood, but if I told him no, would he just leave?
I didn't want to be alone.
And Trevor had always just left me.
I hesitated, feeling him nibble along my jaw, his hand gliding up my thigh and making sure my skirt stayed above my waist.
I bit my lip, unsure.
"Ashley," I pressed on his shoulders; I couldn't do it, I didn't want too ---.
"What is it?" he brought himself to his elbows over me. "What's wrong?"
"I --- I ---." How did I tell him I didn't want too?
I turned my face away when he went to kiss me, feeling embarrassed.
"Morgan, what is it?" he tugged off my glasses, and I hastily closed my eyes, feeling more vulnerable without them on my face. I heard him place them on bedside table, where Toby would just knock them into the floor.
I pressed my hands over my face, and I felt him sit up off me, the comfort of his weight disappearing.
Now he would leave me and I would be all alone tonight with nothing but my awful thoughts and dreading working tomorrow where everyone would just look at me and ---.
"Morgan?"
"What?"
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"You can't tell me nothing,"
I felt his fingers curl around my wrists, and then he was pinning beside my head, forcing me to look up at him.
"Ashley ---."
"Tell me what's wrong," he murmured, caressing my face. "Morgan, if you don't want to do something, just say so. If you don't want to sleep with me you've never had a problem telling me."
I smiled slightly.
That was true.
"Will you... Will you stay anyway?" I asked after a moment, hesitant. "Tonight, I mean? Even if we don't...?"
"If you want me too, yeah," he brushed at my dark hair. "I'll stay as long as you want me too."
He would?
I hesitated, then wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. I didn't want sex, I just wanted him here; I didn't want to be a damsel in Distress, or needy, or anything like that. I just wanted him here because it made me feel so much safer.
I curled my legs around his waist, pressing my face into his neck.
"It's okay," he murmured , rolling to his side on the bed and pulling me fully against him. "It's told you I would take care of you."
"I don't want your money, Ashley," I sniffled, trying hard not to cry, "and I don't want you to treat me like your girlfriend when I'm not, either."
"Wh--- I'm not treating you like my girlfriend---."
"You are and you know it and I'm not, " I pulled away from him slightly. "And people look at us like we are when we go out and you buy me all these expensive things and ---."
"Morgan, there's nothing wrong with letting someone buy things for you."
"It is when I can buy them myself."
"Is this what this is all about?" he sighed, "Me buying you things?"
"No." Maybe.
"Then what is is?" he sighed, pushing me onto my back. "You don't want me to buy You things because you're not my girlfriend, okay. You don't want to have sex with me? Fine. But you do have to tell me what the real issue is here."
I pursed my lips as I looked up at him.
I wasn't quite sure what it was, honestly.
I didn't want him buying me things and taking me nice places because it made me feel like his girlfriend, which I obviously was not.
So then it made me feel like a mistress, and that wasn't who I wanted to be either.
But it sounded so stupid in my head I didn't want to say it out loud either.
"It doesn't matter," I sighed, squirming away from him. I sat up, running my hands through my hair.
"Morgan," Ashley hastily sat up as well. "Why won't you tell me ---?"
"Are you hungry?" I interrupted. "Why don't we find something in the kitchen since you've stocked it so well?"

Notes

What a difficult situation Dc

Maybe they'll work it out before Ashley goes too far and makes Morgan have a melt down!