Make Me Feel Alive

I stared at my awful reflection in Ashleys bathroom mirror.
My hair was fluffed and flying everywhere from my tossing and turning, and I had a bruise welling on my cheek where Mr. Wireman had hit me after I'd stapled his chest.
I'd washed all my makeup off already, and all I was wearing was Ashleys t shirt, which was probably big on him too. I glanced down, seeing his band name circling a big skull in the middle.
Huh.
I tugged at the hem, feeling self conscious now.
Had my skirts been that short? And my dresses?
I had always just thought I looked cute, I'd never even going for anything else.
I heard someone in the kitchen moving around and sighed.
I'd left Ashley asleep in bed, his face in the pillow as usual, but I suppose he was up now.
I grimaced at my reflection, and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to make it at least semi decent before I opened the door.
"Ashley, where's --- eeek!"
I jumped, and the two guys in the kitchen did too.
What the hell?
"Morgan!?" Ashley suddenly staggered out of his bedroom, looking startled and sleepy at the same time, but he slowed when he saw all of us standing there. "Oh. What are you guys doing here?"
I blinked, and then squinted a little.
Oh my god.
That was Andrew Biersack, and that was Christian Coma, and I was standing in a freaking t shirt.
ONLY in a t shirt.
And they were both just staring at me.
I felt my face flush.
"Uh, we had plans, remember?" CC looked uncomfortable, and he was studying the floor, his eyes flicking to me every now and then where I was trying to melt into Ashleys hardwood.
"Shit! Sorry guys, I forgot," Ashley blinked, then ran his hands down his face, looking tired.
"We can tell," Andy said dryly, and Ash grinned.
This was mortifying.
I tucked my hair behind my ear nervously, wishing I had some pants on.
I looked between them all, and then started hastily for the bedroom.
The awkwardness of the situation was becoming Unbearable.
Ash caught my hand as I started through, hesitating. His eyes were on my face, and I quickly looked away, aware of how it looked.
"It's not that bad, " he murmured, and I shrugged, stepping away from him and slipping into the bedroom quickly.
That was too awkward for me right now.
"So, uh, I'll raincheck with you guys," I heard Ashley saying as I sat on the bed, letting my face drop into my hands.
"Fine. Is that the chick from twitter? You're still with her?" CC asked. "I thought you said ---."
"It doesn't matter what I said, don't worry about it."
What did he say?
"Just don't forget you gotta help me pick out Leahs Christmas present," I heard Andy say as they were ushered to the door. "Christmas is way close, man, and I have no fucking idea what to get her."
"We'll go, I swear, just not today," Ashley told them, and I heard the front door close with relief.
That had been so embarrassing.
I listened to Ashleys footsteps as he neared the bedroom, and raised my head when he did, squinting slightly. He flopped down beside me with a sigh, his pajama pants low on his hips.
I quickly averted my gaze, hugging myself.
"Sooo now you've met most of the band, " Ashley spoke after a moment, going for a cheery tone.
"That was mortifying," I muttered. "I wasn't even wearing pants."
"You hardly wear pants anyway."
"You know what I mean," I sighed, turning to look at him over my shoulder. I glanced at his Outlaw tattoo, and then away, leaning forward slightly.
My face kind of hurt, actually.
And I was probably going to lose my job over this.
Mr. Wireman was a sound manager, and I was just a secretary. I wasn't supposed to have major calamities like that; they would fire me so I wouldn't be an issue and I wouldn't be able to pay my school loans or eat or live in my shitty apartment or ---.
"Morgan? Hey, it's okay," Ashley said in alarm as I dropped my face into my hands. "What is it?"
He rose into a sitting position, hesitantly touching my shoulder.
"I'm gonna lose my job." I sniffled, squeezing my blind eyes shut.
I couldn't afford new glasses.
"You're not gonna lose your job," he murnured, pulling me around until I was in his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face against his bare skin.
"They're gonna fire me," I started to cry. "And I'm gonna lose my apartment, and I can't see, and I can't get Toby cat food or take care of him and someone else is gonna have to take him because I'm gonna be living ---."
"None of that is going to happen," he interrupted me immediately, tightening his hold on me. "I won't let it. You can work for my studio, or for my clothing line, or ---."
"You can't just give me a job," I mumbled, shaking my head. "It would be weird."
"Why would it be weird?"
"Because then I would see you almost every day and ---."
"Why is that a bad thing?"
Because I didn't want to see him with other women, I thought, but didn't dare say it.
That wasn't what we'd agreed upon.
I just shook my head, scrounging closer against his fit body before I said something I'd regret.
Ashley sighed, and laid back across the sheets, letting me lay on his chest while his legs hung off the side of the bed.
I sighed, aware I was snuggling, and it wasn't something he'd seemed fond of, even after sex. He was more of a, "your side, my side" type of guy when it came to the bed, and he was probably just tolerating this because of yesterday.
I hate that I'd messed up his plans.
If we'd made up last night like normal he probably would've left around midnight.
"I'm sorry I messed up your plans," I murmured after a moment.
"Ah, it was just shopping for Leah," he murmured, and I liked the way his chest rumbled when he spoke; I hoped I wasn't too heavy.
"I'm sure she would disagree, " I sighed, and started to raise up. I turned, straddling his hips as I looked down at him, resting my hands on his stomach.
He looked so serene, his hair sprawled around his face, his brown eyes gentle as he looked up at me, wary.
"Thank you," I said after a moment, looking at my nails, "for being there."
He lifted himself up onto his elbows, and raised one hand to caress my face. "I shouldvs done more. I'm sorry I've been such an asshole," he sighed, pressing a kiss to my collarbone.
"I think you've made up for it," I told him, and he shrugged, curling his fingers through my messy hair.
"Not really," he let himself fall on his back, looking up at me with quirked lips. "I need a lot more time to do that."
I chuckled, feeling his hips shift under mine.
I ran my hands over my face, wincing as I pressed thoughtlessly against my bruise.
I could cover that with makeup, hopefully.
Ashley abruptly turned, and I gave a half - eek as he put me under him, bracing himself over me on his hands. I pressed my cool hands against his firm chest as he nuzzled my throat, pressing light kisses against my skin.
"I'll get you some new glasses," he murmured in my ear. "As an early Christmas gift, how about that? And I CAN just give you a job, I own a business. So you don't have to worry about anything, okay?"
No, that wasn't okay.
"Ashley, you can't ---."
"Yes I can," he interrupted, pursing his lips as he looked down at me, the tips of his hair brushing my face. "Just let me take care of you, okay?"
I blinked up at him.
No one had said that to me in years, I'd always just taken care of my myself.
Why did he even care?
He threaded his fingers through mine, kissing my palm. "Let's get dressed and we'll run by the grocery store on the way to your place, okay? Call in sick Monday, well go and get some new glasses and honestly you need a new dress too."
Ugh.
"No, I don't, and I don't need gro ---."
"Morgan, I've seen your fridge. You need food before you starve to death." he rolled his eyes, and I felt my face flush in embarrassment.
I couldn't afford anymore then what I was already getting.
but I didn't need his charity or his pity either.
I pressed against his shoulder, and he rolled off me, sighing as I sat up.
"Just take me home, okay? I don't need you to take care of me."
"Fine. I'm doing it for Toby."
"You don't even like Toby," I muttered as I hopped to my feet. "And he doesn't like you either."
"Ouch," he chuckled, sitting up. "My feelings."
Yeah right.

Notes

Ayo!
Here's another update!
:)
Thanks for reading!